Call Me Crazy ( A janoskians fan fiction)

Haven Lauren McLain is not your regular bad ass; in fact she is way worst. After getting sent to the principals office for the sixtieth time, and getting expelled, Haven is sent to live with one of her mothers closest friends in Australia. Haven is one tough cookie to crumble, but when her mother tells her this she freaks out.... Or does she? Haven loves the Brooks brothers, and if anything wants nothing more than to go and live it up with them in Australia. But what if things aren't all that their cracked up to be? For example, what if it just so happens that the brother, who she just so happens to hate, is forced to go with her? What happens when the vacation of a lifetime, comes washing down the drain? What if the only person you've ever fallen in love with, doesn't love you back. Read to find out whom, when, and why, Haven's life has just turned into the worst roller coaster on the planet.


5. I'll kill you, I'll dare you, and I'll hate you (Part two)


“You look Ridiculous,” I said cracking up at Beau who had been dry humping a guy from behind.


The funny thing was that I actually wouldn’t have mind turning to look back at a sight like that. I guess it was the guy’s loss. In the past thirty minutes I had climbed one girl like a tree, barked at a senior citizen, twerked in front of a teenage boy, licked a person’s ear, danced on a table, and ran my fingers through some guy’s curly mop head. To say the least I’m quite content with today’s accomplishments. Sadly tomorrow I would have to start school here in Australia, and boy was I not ready. Knowing me I would have the luck of meeting bitch after bitch after bitch, and I really didn’t need that right now. Fortunately I was one known for kicking some major ass. I guess all those years of kicking down the bars on my crib paid off.


“Haven, I think it’s your turn” Jai snickered.


What should I do next?


Maybe I could… no that’s illegal, but then again almost everything I’ve ever done in my past have been illegal. Still, I didn’t want to have to make Mrs. Brooks have to come and pick me up at the local police station.


What if I... no I can’t do that either.


I know what I can do!


My idea was to go skinny-dipping in the fountain outside of the mall. From what I’ve seen there weren’t exactly any heavy-duty big buff men securing the damn place, which gave me a chance to do just what I wanted? I wasn’t exactly going to go in naked, although I would’ve much preferred that option.


“Follow me you skanks!” I yelled attracting the attention from a lot of parents with their children. Didn’t anyone ever tell them it’s not polite to stare? And yet they want to set a good example for their children.


I skipped like a little schoolgirl all the way to the front entrance, and began to strip.  Which reminds me of Chris Brown. Oh damn him and his fucking sexy ass body. I would so eat Chris Brown alive.


“I just want to see you strip, damn you sexy on me” I sounded just like Mariah Carey, I know.  “Damn you sexy, baby!”


I was expecting the boys to join, but when I turned around they were all too busy staring at me. These mofo’s are acting like they’ve never seen a girl in a bathing suit before. If it weren’t for the fact that it was a little bit chilly outside, I would’ve totally done a whole strip tease for them… just to let them now how ‘Hard’ it is to be a girl.


For the millionth time I am not a whore, I just tend to have a really dirty mind, and I don’t necessarily give a shit about whatever anyone else thinks of me; I was born this way.


Like the mad woman that I am, I crashed into the waves. Okay so maybe they aren’t really waves, but use your imagination here damn it.


“I’m the little mermaid!” I sang. I probably sounded like a choking hamster trying to be a duck, but so what; I’m a boss bitch.



This water is freaking freezing; I’m surprised I haven’t died already. I splashed around, and sang a little bit of nonsense here and there. If you don’t already know, I’m beast at writing songs on the spot.


Tik Tok by Ke$ha, waking up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy was all me.


Okay I don’t think I could take this for much longer, I’m purple. My new nickname is purple face. I groaned attractively, kid you not everything I do is attractive. It wasn’t until I saw that my clothes and the boys were gone. Fuck me hard and die under a rock, these boys were asking for a death wish.


Who the hell hides a girl’s clothes two times in one day?


Dumb fucks that’s who.


Luckily I had worn my good bra and panties. No nipple slip, no visible ass cheek, I think I’m doing well so far. Act natural Haven, you can do this. With all the confidence I had in me, I searched around for them with my head held high. These bitches are going to so die. Screw the red hair; I’m using my hands to cause personal damage. Remind me to sharpen my nails when I get home, shit is about to go down.


I had been walking around for a good ten minutes. I was actually beginning to gain my own fan base. People were cheering me on and everything. If only they knew where my clothes were.


“Looking for these,” A familiar voice said from behind me.


I turned around to face Luke. Not dead Luke, but the asshole Luke.


Why is my brother always around to find me in situations that make me look like a slut?


Surely enough he had my clothes in his hand.


“How did you,” My voice trailed off.


“As funny as it is to see you drown in your own humiliation, I do have a reputation to maintain” He smirked. “I can’t have everyone thinking that I share the same DNA as some designated prostitute”



“Oh” was all I sad. Even if it was for his own selfish reasons, he steal saved my ass from probably having to take a bus home in nothing but my knickers.



He threw my clothes at me, and began to walk away. My brother is capitol creep.


I hurriedly placed on my clothes, and set my self out on a mission.


I’m going to kill these fuckers.


Here I am walking down a long and empty corridor in the mall where all the bathrooms are kept, when I hear a familiar cackle come from the men’s room. A smirk attached itself onto my lips as I neared the bathroom.


“Do you think she’s mad?” I’m pissed.


“Probably, but so what you know she can’t resist us” I really can though.


“I don’t think so man, she’s going to kill us” Whoever said that is a smart young lad.


“I’m so scared” Is that sarcasm I smell? Sarcasm doesn’t sit well with me unless it’s coming out of my own mouth.


I think it’s my turn to voice into this little love fest.


“I’ll give you five second to come out of the bathroom!” I roared. I sound like Godzilla aha. Big and green… almost like a bugger.


“You can’t come in here”


“You’re right I can’t, but that doesn’t mean I won’t,” I said entering the men’s bathroom.


It’s not like this is my first time in one of these. Long story short in fifth grade I was dared to go inside while Mathew Kink was in there (total hottie) and I ended up having to go to detention for two months straight. Those were the best two months of my life; I’m not even kidding.



“What the hell?” Beau screeched like a bitch.


“What the hell is right,” I scowled him. “I hope you know that I’m going to kill you guys, bury you in the ocean, and them I’m going to use your remains to make bracelets for your imaginary children!” I yelled like a crazy person.


“We uh-did-didn’t mean to” Jai gulped.


“Don’t play that shit with me” I wagged my finger in his face, and stomped my foot like a mad mom. “Usually I’m the girl who loves to have fun, and maybe if it wouldn’t have been so damn cold I would’ve gone along with your little game, but it was freezing”


“I hear tomorrow is going to be 85 degrees, does that mean you’ll enjoy it tomorrow?” Skip asked hopefully, and being the fool that I am couldn’t help but to laugh.


It’s a damn shame that I actually love these boys; it’s going to be heart breaking to have to spread the news once they’ve gone missing.


I could already see it on the papers; Janoskians Gone Missing… Has anyone seen their penis?



Has anyone seen their penis? I crack myself up.


“We’re really sorry” James sad sympathetically. Right now he was my favorite.


“I forgive you babe” I winked. “As for you four, in the car now!!” I ordered.


And theta’s when I bust out laughing like a maniac. I’m laughing because it never seizes to amaze how much of a cold-hearted bitch I am.


Four for you Haven, you go Haven, and there’s none for the five gay homo’s bye.


“Why are you laughing?” Jai asked amused.


“Because I can nigga!” I said with swag in all the right places.


“You worry me sometimes” He shook his head, and wrapped me into his arms.


“I worry myself sometimes actually” I chuckled. “I remember when I was four years old I tried to get my cat and my dog to sleep together, don’t ask. When I was fourteen I found out that it would’ve never worked out; my dog was a bitch”


“Okay, you were one twisted child” He said faking disgust.


“I know” I agreed, I wasn’t about to deny the fact that I was more than likely dropped as a child.


In fact I believe I dropped, hit the ceiling fan, got knocked out of a window, hit a bird, and rolled over. That seems more believable coming from a girl like me. I wonder if I’m a wizard like Harry Potter (random thought) that would be so cool. One day I want to walk up to someone an haven them be like “You’re a wizard Haven” and I’ll just be like “Ship my ass of to Hogwarts now, where’s my main man Dobby?”


I have it all planned out. Now all I need to do is plan out how exactly I’m going to get these fuckers back.





If you guys have any ideas just let me know J


Also follow me on twitter @BottledBrunette if you have any request.

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