Always Midnight

Madison Johnson's life changes the moment she lays eyes on Christian Watson. Christian is unlike any boy Madison has ever met in her life, he's a guy with a secret-he's a vampire with a deadly past. When they fall in love, Christian's past soon makes its way into their future together. As his past catches up to him, Madison must decide how much she will sacrifice to be with the man she loves. Copyright © 2011

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33. You have to go Crazy to Stay Sane

 

“Did you hear me?” I asked, cautiously.

Christian did not say a word when I told him my solution to our problem. Instead, his mouth dropped open, dumbfounded. I wondered if it was possible a vampire could go into shock. As my words sunk in his slack body turned rigid and he frowned, a dozen emotions passed through his face before it settled into a hard glare.

“Absolutely not.” His voice was hard, a tone that said the topic was not a debatable one. 

He didn’t continue, instead he set his face into a hard expression. Ignoring his dismissal tone, I continued.

“I have to become one of your kind. We know that this-energy-draining link thingy that’s occurring here isn't going to end well if we can't break it. It's something we have to consider and deep down you know it.” I insisted. Christian jumped from his chair in a flash, outraged. 

“No, you will not become a vampire, get that out of your head right now. I will not allow that, you have truly lost your mind.” 

“Allow it? Guess what? You don’t tell me what I can do or what I can’t do!” I fumed. 

He sighed loudly, letting a snarl rip from deep in his throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that Madison. We will find another way. I can't picture you becoming like me, this cold shell of what used to be." 

"You'd rather I'd die than become like you?" 

"No, I don't want you to die. But I won't turn you into monster." He told me. 

"Then you are giving me a death sentence." I said, shocked at his unwillingness to consider me becoming a vampire.

"You'd rather turn into a walking corpse, watch everyone you love die, and live like a nomad. Always on the run, afraid people will notice that you don't age a day, and become a killer?" His last word haunted me.

"A killer?" 

"Yes, you think you could become a vampire and control the hunger that comes along with it? You will no longer be yourself, you will become a predator, it will take you years to control the beast. Is that what you want? To kill a friend, mother, brother, daughter-" 

"Stop it! Stop it! You know damn well you'd never let me do that. That's not what this about. You think turning me into a vampire would seal your fate. Would condemn you to Hell. Or would it be because I wouldn't be as interesting to you anymore, that's what drew you to me in the first place right? Not being able to read my mind, is that why you had to know me? Figure out the puzzle? Do you hate what you are so much that if I became like you, you would hate me?" I challenged him.

Every word was completely out of line but that had been my fear ever since I'd notice Christian's fascination about my mind. Deep down being the son of a doctor would make him curious, and I was some medical mystery to him. My chest heaved up and down as I tried to control my anger, Christian looked devastated as if I staked him in the heart.

"I could never hate you. I admit not being able to read your mind is what initially drew me to you, I wanted to find out more about you. It became an obsession of mine, which is why I immersed myself into your mind. But the moment you stared into my eyes on our first date, you made me feel alive. I didn't want to admit to myself that a human girl could have awakened something in me like you have. I love you for your fearlessness, beauty, and kind spirit. Hell, I even love you for being stubborn as a bull though it has not worked in my favor in the past. I only want to do the right things by you, and I don't want my selfish need to have you in my life make me turn you into a monster."

"Christian..." I muttered. His words had rendered me speechless.

I loved him for his convictions to ensure that he would do anything to make sure that I was safe. However, it was his self loathing that once again got in the way of him seeing my viewpoints. "It's my selfish need to have you in my life that would make me want to live forever with you. We could be happy together, forever, here on Earth. I'm not afraid of becoming a monster because I know you would remind everyday of who I am." 

I stared at the wall, an argument was the last thing I had anticipated between us. I got up from the bed and walked over to him, kneeling in front of him I took his hands into mine. He stared at me, his looked like he aged a hundred years in front of me. The internal battle already taking a toll on him.

"Let's just focus on how to break it, I know you love me. I never meant to doubt that, I'm a jackass. But becoming a vampire is something we are going to have to discuss again. I'm not sure if it will be in the within the next week, month or year. All I know is that I'm going to focus on the present from now on, and not worry about problems we face in the future. I only know that I'm in love with you, and I'm going to enjoy every moment of it." I stared into his eyes and watched hypnotized as they turned blue. His grip on me tightened. In the way that only he knew how, Christian's gaze penetrated me. We both knew we shouldn't have physical contact but that didn't stop us.

Christian placed his hand in my hair bringing our lips together. I was so focused on his kiss I didn't notice I was now sitting on his lap, he had one hand in my hair and one around my back. I tangled my hands in his soft black hair and kissed his neck and ear. I continued to kiss his neck as he picked me up and carried me to the bed. He laid me down on the mattress and was on top of me. He kissed me hungrily as if he couldn't get enough of me, and I kissed him back. My back arched as he brought his lips to my neck from behind my ear to the base of my neck, I moaned softly. Suddenly Christian stopped everything. I sighed because I knew what was coming next. 

"We should stop." He said, as I predicted. Christian was always in control of himself, I had no idea how he did it. It was as if he would lose himself in moments like these and then one sound or movement would snap him back in reality. I loved his self control but I hated it at times. It wasn't Christian's fault that he couldn't be reckless, I had to remind myself, besides he was doing it for my own good. 

I didn't want to make it difficult for him, so I agreed and watched as he went to sit back on in the chair. We both remained silent, each lost in our own little worlds.

“I feel as if I am going crazy. Where did all of these sci-fi situations come from? Are we even on planet Earth because I feel like I am on Mars.” I mused, breaking the silence. I heard a soft chuckle. 

“Sometimes we have to go through crazy moments in order to stay sane.” 

“Very true, Mr. Watson. Anything found out yet from Nathanial? I know you're tuned in to the mind reading station right now." 

Another chuckle. 

"Nothing concrete yet but there is a solution that Nathaniel is hypothesizing. However, he is concealing it and patiently waiting for me to go downstairs. He heard some of our argument and didn't want to barge in." Christian informed me. "I should go and speak to him, I've kept him waiting for thirty minutes now, besides you need sleep. Do you want me to bring you home?" He asked. 

"No, I want to stay." 

"Okay, we can talk about everything in the morning." He stood up from his chair and came across the room to me. I pulled him towards me for a goodnight kiss, when he said, "All I want to do is make you happy. I want to do what you said about living in the present and not focusing on the future which has not arrived yet. I love you."

With those last words between us, I watched as he left the room. Like many nights before I drifted off to sleep in Christian's bed. 

I awoke the next morning alone, with a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I glanced around the room looking for Christian, but he was no where to be seen. 

“Christian can you please come up here if you can hear me? I’m up and I need to see you.” I said aloud in the empty room, my voice echoing, I knew even if he was outside in the backyard he’d hear me. No later than thirty seconds later, I heard a knock at the door. 

“It’s me. Are you descent?” Christian asked me. 

“Yup.”
Christian came in the door, his eyes were tight with anxiety. Dark circles were underneath his eyes and his skin was paler than ever, for the first time looked like a corpse. I nearly gasped, but remained silent. He shut the door behind him, then walked to sit on top of his desk. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Panic rising in my voice. 

“Nothing. Did you sleep well?” He asked me softly. 

“Please don’t lie to me or try to change the subject. Tell me what’s wrong, I can handle it I promise. Did you and Nathaniel figure out how to break the bond?”   “Yes, we’ve thought of a way.”

“That’s great! What do we have to do? Let’s hurry up and do it.” 

Christian sighed heavily, “No, we can't. We are going to have find another way, this way isn't the right way to do this." Christian said. 

"Okay, well can I least hear what Nathanial thought of so we can both decide if it's the right way. I want a say in this Christian." I demanded.

Christian sighed, obviously this was one of those characteristics he loved about me when I wasn't using it against him. 

“I have to bled you, the answer is your blood.” He told me in a rush of words I almost didn’t hear him. His expression was somber.   “So I do have to become a vampire?” I asked.

“No, Nathaniel says that it’s like we’re opposites that attract each other therefore the link is pulling a lot of energy from you and giving it to me. But when you get weak it pulls from me and tries to replenish you. But if I had your blood in me, I would be the same and the bond would be broken.” Christian explained to me, not happy at all about any of this. 

"My blood in you would mean that you would have a part of my Aura, therefore, the metaphysical link wouldn't be able to recognize which one needed the energy and thus cancel itself out." I summarized. 

"Correct." 

“When you said bleed me, how much blood are we talking about?” I asked.

“It would be a big amount, more than I am willing to gamble on. It's not the right solution. Trust me.” Christian pleaded because he could already see me making up my mind and we both knew that this discussion was going to get ugly if we both didn't play our cards right.

“I don't see a problem with this solution.” First punch thrown by me. Christian expected this.

“How can you not see the problem with this? Don’t you see that this isn’t a game, if I bite you I’m going to kill you. I don’t trust myself to bite you, I haven’t had fresh human blood in a long time. There's a difference when blood comes in a bag and from the vein itself. The thrill of knowing that the blood is being pumped into my mouth and- there's a huge risk that I will drain you.” He countered, irritated. 

I expected him to go straight for the dramatics, truthful, but dramatic. "Can't I cut myself and put the blood in a cup?" I offered. I blew it, Christian lost it.

“My God will you listen to yourself? Is this the relationship you want? Talking about cutting yourself for your vampire boyfriend to drink out of cup! I promised myself I would keep you far away from any sick dangerous stuff but you sure don't make it easy. If you cut yourself the blood would coagulate too fast for me anyway. It has to be from the source so my endorphins could prevent that.” Christian said, but he didn't realize that he'd just played into my hand.

“No one has asked you to protect me constantly. I am listening to myself and once again, I am here trying to fight for us. I trust you, I know you can do this. The bite won't hurt because of the endorphins so I will be in no pain. Nathanial and Elizabeth can be up here for reinforcements should you take too much blood. Nathaniel is a doctor, I will be fine.” I suggested.  
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