Because The Only Time You See Me Is When I'm Blinded By Your Light

One-shot Larry Stylinson. Harry cuts because the man he loves can never love him back. Louis dates Eleanor because he knows that Harry could never feel the same way.


4. The Letters






Dear Niall,


I’m not going to say goodbye, because I know how much you hate them, and probably hate me now, too.  Haha, I guess I deserve that, huh?  I know you’re probably wondering why, seeing as you were the only member of the band who didn’t know.


I’ve been self-harming for a while now, buddy.  I know, I know, it’s selfish that I couldn’t just speak up and say something, but what can a guy do? It hurts me to think of how your eyes will tear up and your smile will fade when you read this, so I’m not going to think about it.  Instead, I’m going to think about how whimsical your laugh is and how your smile could always brighten my day.  I still haven’t told you why yet, and I know you’ve noticed, so here goes:


Remember that one time in France?  When we were stupid drunk and I told you that one secret?  The next day I laughed it off and said it was a joke.  It wasn’t Nialler.  I don’t think I deserve to call you by your nickname anymore, but I’d like to hope that someday you’ll forgive me for being so goddamned selfish.  


Do me a favor?  Again, another selfish notion of mine, but I really hope you do this.  Hug Liam every day.  Never, ever, ever forget to tell Zayn you love him.  Remind Josh that he is important.  Help Louis find love.  And never, ever stop smiling, Niall, even when it’s hard to even blink.


I’m sorry you have to go through this Niall, but know that I love you.


And I’m sorry.


Love, Harry.



Niall’s voice trembled through the entire thing, fading away as he reached the end of the letter.  He couldn’t smile yet.  He still needed time to cry.


Liam was next.







Dear Liam,


God Liam, I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be.  Please, don’t take it out on the boys though, it’s not their fault, and it’s not yours.  It’s mine and mine alone, so let’s leave it at that.  I wish I could have come to you after that time you found me in the bathroom, but...well, talk to Zayn about that one.  I wish I didn’t have the ability to cross my fingers.  


Please never stop singing, Liam.  I know you don’t think your voice is great, and you have problems harmonizing with everyone else, but believe me when I say that you have one of the greatest voices.  I know this isn’t fair, and that I’m a fucking twat and much more, but try and believe me when I say that I’m happy.  I don’t want to live like this, hurting like this, any more.


I know this isn’t very long, because with us there was never any need for lengthy details or beating-around-the-bush.  So yeah, don’t do anything stupid like make a tribute album for me.  A song is enough, really.  Okay, bad time to joke, huh?  God, it doesn’t even feel like I’m about to go into that bathroom and kill myself.  It feels like any other night where you’ll walk in to make sure we’re asleep, reminding us that we have a signing or interview or whatever in the morning.  


I love you Liam.  Never, ever doubt that.


Oh, and marry Danielle already?  She’s perfect for you and you know it.


Love, Harry.



Liam didn’t even have the energy to be mad at the miserable boy that had already been bagged and moved to the city Morgue, being prepared to be sent to Cheshire.  All he could do was sit there, curled tightly against Niall and Zayn and cry.


Zayn read his next.








Dear Zayn,


I know we’ve never been as close as the other boys, and I know that we’ve probably had the most problems between all of us.  That doesn’t mean this is any easier to write.  I just wanted to say thank you.  Thank you for being willing to listen to me, to help me.  And I’m sorry I couldn’t come to you.  I’m sorry I was such a fucking coward.


I wish it didn’t have to happen, but it does.  Zayn, can I tell you a secret?  Well, either way, I’m going to tell you.


I’m gay.


Yeah, shock.  I wish this letter was longer, but I have Louis’ to write, and I know that it’ll take quite some time to write, considering I’m going to have to stop every ten seconds to control my sobbing.  


Zayn, just know that you’re beautiful.  You are beautiful, and perfect, and wonderful and if anyone ever tells you otherwise, they’re a liar.  Because I have never met anyone as kind and as beautiful outside as they are inside.  I know you’ve made mistakes, but I don’t know a single person who hasn’t.


Please forgive me, Zayn.  And forgive yourself.


Love, Harry.



Zayn couldn’t help it.  He couldn’t do anything else, so he simply let himself break.  Finally showing his weak side, Zayn cried for all he was worth.


Finally, Louis read his letter.




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