Hard Love

Tayla Green lives the perfect life, or so it seems, being the girlfriend of world famous popstar Zayn Malik renders her the envy of girls throughout the world...

There's just one problem; Harry Styles.

For two years the sexual tension and the sheer desire for more than friendship has built up between the two...

Will Tayla follow her heart into a land of uncertainity?

or

Will she stay where it's comfortable?

Better the devil you know, right?

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14. A Secret.

 

Rule number one of dating a celebrity: Never, under any circumstances, Google them. It didn’t matter that technically I was no longer dating Harry, I still loved the bones of him but I was also too stubborn to let him or anyone around him know that. It had been three days since I left Harry in the hospital bed unconscious but those three days had felt like three years. Every morning I woke up and switched the news on immediately, looking for any indication of his condition, there never was. I looked at Louis, Liam and Niall’s Twitters often too; there was never any mention of Harry there either, it was like he didn’t exist from the moment I left the hospital. By the fourth day I was growing increasingly impatient, no news was supposedly good news but it felt like actual mental torture. I was desperate to find out about his condition but I didn’t want the boys to know I was, so I decided the easiest and quickest way around that was to Google him. While I was with Zayn I had hated the obsessive over the top fans but I also knew they were the most reliable, if anyone was going to know how Harry was, they would. Stupidly the first thing I Googled was ‘How is Harry Styles?’ thinking I would come across a conversation on Twitter or a blog post on Tumblr answering the very question, I was only slightly wrong. The first link was a Tumblr page; I clicked on it barely taking notice of the URL, another one of my many stupid mistakes.

“Harry and I met at a signing, he wrote his number down on my CD then we met up a few days later. We did it in his Range; we did it in the apartment he shared with Louis. He was incredible. Ugh.”

By Anonymous

 

Good for you, Anon! Everyone deserves a little Styles lovingJ.

 

I scrolled down the long page; the background was a picture of all five boys topless. The picture was from the Attitude magazine shoot they did a year or so ago, I stared at their smiling faces, each of them oblivious to everything that would happen a year later. I stared at Zayn’s face the longest, his brooding expression only made him 100 times more irresistible. I still remember the day he came home after this shoot, the boys had all gone for a drink in Soho Square afterwards and he came home a merry drunk, for once. We cuddled on the sofa all night watching re-runs of Friends. I smiled to myself before I began reading some more ‘confessions’. I was mid-way through a story about Niall by a girl named Kayleigh when I finally looked at the URL: ‘Confessions-of-a-1D-Groupie’. I chuckled to myself. I was only a tad jealous, mainly because these girls were sleeping with Harry before I could even get a chance but I couldn’t be angry with him for sleeping with them as we were barely even flirting at this stage.

 

I’ve always loved long journeys and today was no exception. The sun was shining and Ed Sheeran was blaring through my iPod headphones, I stared out of the bus window at the busy London streets. London was always beautiful but on sunny days it took on a whole new level of spectacular. My mind began to wander as soon as ‘One Direction – Moments’ started playing, I had been meaning to delete their songs for the past week but I never actually got round to doing it and right now I was really regretting it. It was strange hearing Harry sing, his rocky tone of voice still made me smile but nothing compared to the effect Zayn’s voice had on me. The first time I ever heard him sing live I cried through his whole performance, this was way before we even got together and it was the moment I realised he was something special. I wasn’t wrong. The bus stopped outside of the cemetery, blacked out Mercedes Benz’s drove the important people inside while others, family and friends I figured, were standing in groups around the entrance. I wasn’t going to be joining the other guests today; I probably wouldn’t be welcome there understandably, so I snuck around to the back entrance and sat on the bench opposite the church waiting for the ceremony to finish. The cemetery was totally quiet as all the guests were inside the church; my mind began to wander to memories of Zayn ingrained deep in my mind. As I relived those happy moments again in my brain a little white dove landed on the arm of the bench. I expected it to fly away as soon as I noticed it but it didn’t, instead it turned around to face me, tilting its head slightly. It was a strange moment; the bird acted as if it recognised me. Just as I began to think it was a reincarnation of Zayn or a message from him the guests came marching out of the church, I hid behind a blossom tree and watched where they were going. I followed along beside them, still well hidden behind trees, I wanted to say my own goodbye to Zayn, it was the least I could do but I had to wait until there was no one around.  There was a well positioned tree behind Zayn’s burial plot, I had a perfect view. The dark wooden coffin rested above the hole it would lay while the minister recited prayers and family members cried. My eyes were focused solely on the wooden box that held the lifeless body of my first love.  I wanted more than anything to break him out of there, to shake some life into him, to help him, but I knew I couldn’t, he was gone. He didn’t deserve this at all and I couldn’t help feeling as if I was the reason he was dead.

“As we lay this young soul to rest, do not mourn for him for he is not gone, he is watching over you all, protecting and guiding…” The minister bellowed.

The coffin began lowering into the hole; I felt a suffocating feeling, almost as if I was in the coffin myself. My body naturally jolted forward, I wanted to rescue him. The noise I made as I landed against the tree caused Liam to look up and straight at me, he raised his eyebrow before nudging Louis, his head was bowed in respect. I watched the two boys whisper to each other before Louis nodded and returned his focus on the rest of the ceremony. I debated with myself whether to escape while I could but I still hadn’t said goodbye to Zayn, I had to wait it out regardless. Once the ceremony was over the guests rapidly began to leave, most were headed to the wake that was being held in a huge hall but I noticed Liam and Louis stay behind.

“How are you, Tayla?” Liam asked, polite as ever.

“Ok, I guess. How are you guys?”

The tension surrounding us was already over-bearing but there was no escape.

“Harry’s awake; you’ll be pleased to know.” Louis sniped.

“That’s good news. If you don’t mind, I’m going to say goodbye to Zayn.”

I tried to walk past the two boys but they refused to let me.

“What do you want?” I questioned.

“I need to talk to you, seriously.” Louis said.

“Right now? Can’t it wait? I really want…need…to-“

“Fine. You go and pay your respects to Zayn but straight after we have to talk. It’s important.” I’d never heard Louis with such a stern tone to his voice before, what could really be that urgent?

 

I sat crossed legged infront of the freshly formed mound in silence for a while just staring at the temporary wooden cross with a golden mount in the middle.

‘Zayn Jawadd Malik ~ Forever loved son, brother, nephew, grandson

& friend to all. We love you.’

I took my short letter out of my pocket and unfolded it; clearing my throat I began reading to Zayn as if he could hear me.

“Dear Z,

I hope you’re up there somewhere listening to me read this; I can just picture you laughing at me for talking to a mound of fresh mud. I’m glad I’m making you smile anyhow.

I was planning to write pages and pages of stuff I remembered that we did but I figured you were there too so it would be pretty pointless.

I guess all I’m here to tell you is that I forgive you. I forgive you for every hand raised, for every bad word and especially for the final incident.

I understand I drove you to it and I also understand you did it through love, however twisted that love may have been.

You didn’t deserve to have your life cut short, you were funny, clever and you had a big heart. I miss it and I miss you Z. I always will.

I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy, I’m sorry I was never enough but I did love you with all my heart, I just hope you knew that.  

I’ll never forget you or will I forget every moment we shared; we had some great ones didn’t we?

I ask you for one last thing, watch over me please. You always guided me so greatly when you were here, I don’t think I’ll be able to manage without your input.

I’m sorry Zayn. I will love you forever too.”

I folded the letter back up and as I planted a kiss on it a tear ran off of my cheek creating a prefect mascara stained splatter on the paper. I buried the letter in the soil, I guess I still held naïve hope Zayn would read it one day. I stood up from where I was sat, smoothing down my clothes and made myself as presentable as possible.

“Goodbye love. I’ll never let your memory fade or be distant, I promise.”

I held back the colossal urge to cry as I walked back over to Louis who was now sitting alone on the bench I had been sat on previously.

“Come here!” Louis beckoned with his arm out, he wanted me to cuddle into him on the bench and I did just that. I cried into his white shirt as he stroked my hair.

“I just can’t believe he’s gone, Lou.” I wept.

“I know, Tay, I know. I have to talk to you about Harry though.”

I looked up at him, he had a face of stone and I knew it was serious.

“I don’t really want to talk about him, Louis. Why don’t you talk to his fiancé? He is her business now, not mine.” I stubbornly sniped at him.

“That’s just it, I don’t believe her.”

“You don’t?”

“No. Her story just doesn’t add up, she’s supposedly been with him for four years yet he didn’t once mention her to any of his best friends? And his ‘kid’, do you really think Harry is the type of guy to hide his son? He would be showing him off to everyone he could!” Louis ranted, his argument was pretty convincing.

“I suppose you’re right…I don’t see what it has to do with me though?”

“You still love him, don’t you?”

“I…I…”

“Oh come on, Tayla. It’s written all over your face!”

“Ok, I still love him. I still don’t see what it has to do with me?”

“I need your help. Harry’s awake now but he doesn’t seem to remember a thing, the doctors said the amnesia could be temporary but we need to work on triggering his earlier memories…”

“And of course he believes Abigail’s story, right?”

Louis nodded.

“This is like something out of a movie. What do you need me to do?”

“Come with me to see Harry. If anyone is going to bring him back it will be you. We need him back, Tayla. We need our Harry back and we need to prove that Abigail is a lying bitch.”

I took a deep breath and looked over to the mound Zayn was buried under once last time.

“Let’s go.”

 

I stood alone outside of Harry’s room for a while watching him and his ‘family’. Abigail was tending to his every need, wiping the sweat off of his forehead, fluffing his three thousand pillows. Matthew was balanced on his lap, they were reading a book together. To the outside world they looked like the perfect family, all gorgeous and all plastered with smiles across their face. Louis walked up behind me; he had been to get himself some Coffee.

“You haven’t even gone in yet?”

Louis pushed me into the room slowly as he walked behind me, immediately the three of them looked up at us.

“Harry, this is Tayla.”

Since entering the room Harry’s eyes had been locked onto mine, I wondered if he remembered me like Louis said he would, there definitely was something between us.

“Hi.” I waved awkwardly standing by the wall, Harry was still staring directly at me much to the annoyance of Abigail.

“What are you doing here?” She asked through gritted teeth.

“I came to see Harry, is that a crime?” Harry’s face was puzzled.

“Mummy, I’m hungry!” Matthew moaned.

“Just wait a while, daddy needs us.” I notably winced as she called Harry ‘daddy’.

“It’s fine, take Matty to the canteen.” Harry’s voice was weak but it still sent shivers up my spine. “Little Matty needs his fuel to grow into a big strong boy, just like daddy.”

I watched as Harry playfully tickled his son on his lap, they both smiled as if they had never been happier, it killed me inside. As Abigail led Matthew out of the room Louis put his hand on my shoulder, as sign of comfort and also to stop me from running out of the room.

“I’m going to phone someone, Harry. I’ll be back in a while, look after her.” Louis winked at him, Harry laughed.

“So, Tayla right?” He asked.

“You really don’t remember me?” I still hoped he was pulling a sick prank.

“No, sorry. Where do I know you from?”

“I…er…we were close friends. I was Zayn’s girlfriend, fiancée…” I desperately wanted to tell him the truth but I realised there was no point; Abigail had won him, for now.

“Oh, right. I’m sorry to hear about him, it’s all just so…” His face was contorted with sadness.

“It’s ok, I understand.”

I laid my hand on his instinctively and instantly there was an electric shock. Our eyes locked contact once more, lingering a little longer than socially acceptable.

“You look so familiar, Tayla.” He sighed. “I wish I could remember.”

“I wish you could too.” We met each other’s gaze with a warm smile. 

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