Cats, Kisses, And Wagon Wheels. *finished*

One Direction, a band that was formed during the 2010 X Factor. Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson. Oh right, and Charlie Hunter. You didn't know about her? The Wagon-Wheel-addict with the curly hair? Well, I doubt anyone will tell you too much then. After all, what happens in the house, stays in the house. (Silver in the M Factor Competition) "This story is so hilarious, and it's already my favourite." - " amazing story, full of romance, drama, teenage life and loads more! The storyline is amazing, the characters are easy to visualize." - "An all around perfect book, even though it's a fanfiction!"

--Written for my cousin-in-law, Lottie, who wanted to have a One Direction Fanfic for her birthday. You are welcome.--


15. That's Bullshit.


In Which There Is Bacon, A Game Of Bullshit, And The First Sugarscape Interview.


A/N: Okay, luvvies, guess who stayed up all night (pun intended) with her bestie and now has tickets to see One Direction? (Clue: It's not my grandma.)

OMFES, we really did not sleep, and we made a super-cool poster just to document the night that basically destroyed our lives because my school career already is ruined because of that boyband. Seriously. We had tacos at half four in the morning. I was so tired yesterday that I fell asleep eating chocolate. I am the definition of a babe.

Don't forget to vote for which movella you want to read neext! (I'm already writingon The Cookie Girl, though, hehe. It's funny. Esmée is an anti-Charlie, sort of. Okay. Bye.)

PS: I'm pretty sure there are no interviews during Judge's House, but humour me, I've had this draft for a while...



I was in the kitchen frying some bacon when one of the girl bands—I’d found out they were called Husstle and they had some sick hair thing going on—came into the kitchen. The one that was called Stacey, I think, stared at the bacon.

“It won’t jump out of the pan and attack you with calories,” I bit at her.

She huffed and turned away from me demonstratively.

Okay then.

“My fair lady, is breakfast ready to be served?”

I turned and smiled at Louis.

“It shall be in no time, dear Sir, I assure you.”

He tapped his chin. “Very well, then, Emily.”

I laughed and hit him with a towel.

“You’re an idiot, Lou,” Liam said, walking into the kitchen, still wearing his pyjama pants and a white tee.

Niall came in, tapping after him. He raised his chin and sniffed like a dog.

“Oh God, this is beautiful,” he said and snatched some bacon out of the pan. I hit him with the towel as well, but he didn’t seem to care.

“It’s so beautiful I’m gonna start crying,” Louis mocked him.

“Who’s crying?” That was Harry, who nicked some bacon as well.

I glared at him and Niall. “Can you not? Besides, what is this? Why is this kitchen becoming so crowded? You never spend time in the kitchen.”

Liam shrugged. “I was hungry.”

“So was I,” Niall nodded.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re always hungry.”

“Who’s hungry?” Zayn asked from the door.

I threw my hand up. “Seriously? Even Zayn’s up? What’s going on here, this is not normal. I don’t even know—”

I was cut off as something hit me in the face and I fell on my bum. I got up and glared at Louis, who was holding the towel he had smacked me with. He quickly tried to pass it to Harry, but he wouldn’t take it, so it fell on the floor. If this were a comic, my eyes would now be shooting imaginative lasers.

“Louis! What was that supposed to be?”

He smiled innocently. “What?”

“You did not just hit me in the face with a towel.”

“No, I didn’t.”

I hissed.

“You were talking and I’m hungry.” He pouted.

“I agree,” Niall said. I glared at him, too.

He looked scared. “I was just putting that out there.”

“U-huh.” I turned back to Louis. “You talk all the time, it’s like you never shut your pie hole, and do you see me walking around hitting people with towels while they’re making my breakfast?”

“You always make your own breakfast,” Zayn commented.

“Not helpful.”

“Guys?” The other blonde girl of Husstle leaned backwards on her chair to look at us. “Could you maybe break up your kindergarten fight there, ‘cause some people are here to win. Thanks.” With that, she turned back around.

“I hope you have to go home, you stuck up, snooty—”

“Charlie!” Liam interrupted my mumbling. “Niall’s a bad influence on you.”

“Oh yes, scarred my poor virgin ears.”

Louis shook his head. “Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively challenged.”

“Thanks, my sarcastic friend.”

He smiled at me. “You are welcome, dear girl. Now can we have breakfast?”

I nodded tiredly. “Sure, dig in, get…” Bacon was grabbed out of the pan in a huge chaos, “…plates yourself,” I finished my sentence.

“You are a bunch of dogs.”        

I glared at the blonde girl from earlier.

“I like dogs, dogs are cute, I don’t like stuck up twats, though.”

I think Liam gasped.

“You did not just…”

I smiled at her. “Oh I did. Boys, can we go now?”

I stalked out of the kitchen with my head held high, but as soon as we arrived in the boys’ room, we all broke down in laughter.

“I can’t … believe … you just caller had a … a twat!” Niall managed to say between laughs.

“Did you see her face?” Louis grinned. “Ace!”

“That rhymed!” Harry screamed.

I gasped, trying to start breathing again. “I know I should be sorry … but I’m not.”

Liam grinned at me. “And I should probably feel sorry that you’re not sorry because that was a bad word, but I don’t…”

“I mean, what was with her, is she on her period or something?”

Suddenly, all the boys stopped laughing and stared at me.

“That's disgusting, Charlie,” Niall said.

Awe, poor shucks.

I shrugged. “You lived with me and you will for some more times, you better et used to it, that's perfectly normal.”

Liam’s eyes were wide as if he’d just realised I was a girl.

“You’re right…” he whispered.

I scoffed. “Don’t tell me you didn’t think I was a girl.”

“But … you’re not a girl like them.” Harry sounded sort of panicky.

I rolled my eyes. “It's not like you’ll have to deal with it, it's perfectly normal.”

Niall shuddered.

“Oh, you’re such a baby,” I hissed.

“Well, Charlie’s just being a love bug today, huh?” Louis grinned.

“Don’t even go there,” I grinned.

“Seriously, though, can we please change the topic?” Niall still looked a bit green.

“Oh yes, please.” Even Zayn looked a bit faint, and didn’t he have three sisters?

Liam laughed. “Oh, you’re no fun.”

Everyone stared at him.

He shrugged. “I have two sisters.”

“I guess that’s legit,” Harry said.

I nodded.

“So, can we play something? Like, you know, bullshit?”

Lou’s eyes lit up. “Bullshit is awesome!”

Niall looked confused.

Liam smiled at him. “Basically, you can put down a card one up, down, or the same number. To get rid of all your cards, you’ll have to lie. If you think someone’s lying, you say ‘bullshit’, and then you can check. If you’re right, the person who lied has to pick up all of the cards on the table, but if they didn’t lie, you have to take them.”

“You should do this explaining thing professionally,” I said.

Zayn rolled his eyes at me while he shuffled the cards. “It's called teaching.”

I threw a random Haribo bear at him, but he dodged it. “Shut up.”

“Okay, okay.”


* CKWW *


Harry put a card on the stack on the table.

“A five,” he said.

I put mine on top. “Another five.”

“Bullshit,” Niall said. I shrugged.

He turned the card and, surprise, it was a five.

“How many fives do you even have Niall?” Zayn asked.


I face-palmed.

“But then why did you think Charlie was bullshitting when it could’ve clearly been possible that they were both telling the truth?” Liam asked, exasperated.

“Which we were,” Harry added. “Just putting that out there.”

Niall shrugged. He was awful at this game, I’m just telling you. Awful. He had to have about thirty cards of the 52-card set. That was how bad he was. At first I thought it was his tactic, so he knew when people were bullshitting because he had all the cards of each number, but he was actually just no good at all.

“Two sixes,” Niall said, putting down the cards.

Zayn grinned. “Two more sixes.”

Liam looked like he was going to call bullshit, but then he just put down three cards.

“Three sevens.”

“And I thought Niall had all the cards,” Louis joked, earning a glare from Liam. Yeah, for someone who could explain the game so well, Liam was pretty bad at actually playing it. Not as bad as Niall, but that had to be impossible as well. Liam was just an awful liar.

“Lou?” Niall asked.

Louis rolled his eyes. “I won about a day ago.”

I rolled my eyes. Thanks for the sass, Lou. But he had all reason to be arrogant, because he’d won all rounds so far, that was why he’d insisted we play for second and third this time. Other than Niall, Lou was brilliant at this game. I didn’t know why, but he was. Awesome, actually.

Never play bullshit with Louis Tomlinson, just a reminder.

“Another eight,” Harry said.

I scoffed. I had tucked my last card under where my shorts were folded over at the end of the leg. I’d never said I was bad.

“Bullshit,” Zayn grinned.

Wordlessly, Harry took all the cards on the table. I laughed.

“An actual eight,” I said, placing my card on the table.

Harry laughed. “Ten times bullshit.”

I wanted to take the card back, but he snatched it away.

“Oh, an actual Jack,” he grinned.

I rolled my eyes and took my card, hitting him on the back of his head.

“You’re not supposed to say that!” I exclaimed. “Liam, he’s cheating!”

Liam sighed. “Just go on, Niall.”

“Four nines,” he said proudly.

Nobody said anything. That was how bad he was. We didn’t even doubt him having four nines. Sad.

“A ten,” Zayn said, looking a bit bored. He only had two cards left now.

Liam thought for a while before he got out two cards.

“Two Jacks,” he said.

Harry opened his mouth, but closed it again and put a card on the table.

“A ten,” he said, looking uncomfortable.

I grinned.

“A Jack,” I proclaimed, almost throwing my card on the table. Louis high-fived me and Harry groaned.

“Bullshit,” Niall said proudly.

We all stared at him.

I sighed. “Mate, Harry already said my last card was a Jack.”

Niall looked sad. “Really?”

I put my hand on his shoulder. “Really.”


“Go on, Niall, take the cards,” Liam said.

“You are shit at this game,” Louis said neutrally.

I nodded solemnly.

“It’s okay, though, you’re good at eating.”

I elbowed Harry. “I don’t think that helped,” I hissed.

Niall was smiling again, though.

“I don’t care,” he said, “It’s fun.”

Louis almost choked, and I giggled. Why couldn’t everyone be like Niall?



* CKWW *



“Sugarscape interview, do you have a minute?”

I looked at the boys, who nodded.

“Sure,” I said.

When we had all sat down, she smiled at us.

“So, One Direction. You were put together during bootcamp, am I right?”

We nodded.

“Well, okay. Why don’t you introduce yourselves.” Seriously? Was it First Year all over again.

“I’ll start off!” Louis screamed excitedly. Of course.

“I’m Louis, I’m 19 and I’m from Doncaster. I like football and I don’t like school.” Great.

“I’m Niall, and I’m from Mullingar in Ireland.” Thanks Niall, for not putting too much information in this.

“I’m Zayn, I’m from Bradford.” I giggled at the way he said Bradford and he glared at me playfully.

“My name is Harry and I’m from Holmes Chapel.”

“Harry, nobody knows where Holmes Chapel is, for God’s sake,” Louis sassed around. I know that probably wasn’t even a word, but it was now.

“It’s in Cheshire. It’s small.”

“And picturesque,” I added, grinning.

He whacked my arm, but in a nice way.

“I’m Charlie and I’m from Ackworth in West Yorkshire, I guess.”

The lady raised her eyebrows at me guessing, but let it go.

“I’m Liam and I’m from Wolverhampton.”

“Oh, and we’re One Direction,” Niall added unnecessarily.

“Yes, we are,” I said.

“What’s it like, Charlie, living with five boys? Has it gotten better?”

I laughed. “Well, we spent a few weeks at Harry’s step-dad’s bungalow and that’s when we really got together as a band as well. It was this make or break time and it turned out to be a massive make. I mean, I certainly have practised cooking and learned some new swear words, but other than that…”

“Any awkward naked scenes?”

I hoped I wasn’t blushing as badly as I felt I was. I stole a glance at Harry, who was blushing as well.

“No, not really. Some half-naked ones.”

Liam groaned and Harry shook his beet-red head.

“Who sleeps in sports bras?” Liam complained. I whacked him.

She winked at me. “Oh, I see. And the swearing, is it that bad?”

I shrugged. “I’ve gotten myself a new scale.”


“Fat is the worst, and I don’t care about them saying the normal stuff anymore. Niall has started cussing less and I’ve started cussing at all, though. We’re really growing onto each other, all of us.”

She frowned. “Fat?”

“It seems like fat is the new major swear word. A lot of girls are so sensitive about their weight, it’s awful. You can shut size ten girls up by saying ‘Well, at least I’m not fat’ as if you were somehow predicting they’d be fat in future when they’re perfectly normal,” I said. “I mean, I’m not the skinniest girl ever and I am self-conscious sometimes because of that, and I have seen way prettier girls than me be really insecure.”

“A size ten is the perfect size for a girl,” Louis protested.

“Size ten or twelve,” Harry said. “I like curvy girls; I don’t want to cuddle a skeleton.”

Niall laughed. “You remember when we asked for one thing to say we look for in a person to be with for 20 questions, and he said pretty face?”

We all burst out laughing, and Harry blushed.

“He was all ‘I like girls who have a nice pretty face.’” Still laughing, I mocked Harry making a ‘boobs’ gesture in front of himself. “It was ace!”

“Hey, at least I didn’t say ‘breathing’ as some people here have,” he pouted.

I shrugged. “You only asked for one thing, and that’s the most important.”

The interviewer raised her eyebrows. “Well, then do tell us, Harry. You’re the Flirt, I’ve heard, and you’re really the most popular with the girls-“

“What?” I interrupted her, feigning hurt. “What about me? Am I not pretty? Why do no girls like me?”

Everyone laughed again, except the interviewer.

“Harry, I think girls all over Britain are dying to know this: What’s your type of girls, what do you fancy?”

“Yeah, Harry,” Louis said. “I’m totally dying to know this!” He batted his eyelashes at Harry, and we high-fived.

“Nice, girlfriend,” I commented.

Harry frowned. “Huh. I’m into blondes, but a nice brunette isn’t bad either. Loyalty is really important for me. I like cute girls, and it has to be someone who has a good sense of humour, I guess.”

The interviewer raised her eyebrows (again). “And define cute? A lot of girls out there would kill to be your girlfriend, be a bit more specific.”

“Hm… I’m actually not sure. Someone I can take home to my parents, and who my Mum would like. I like girls wearing pink sometimes, I don’t know why. Giggling is a major turn on for me, I guess, and I like it when a girl blushes, it’s adorable. I want a girl I can spoil, and call up in the middle of the night just to talk.”

Louis laughed. “Dude, you just basically described Charlie.”

I blushed, giggling nervously and then slapping my hand in front of my mouth because I realised I was just proving Louis’ point.

“See how she’s giggling, blushing, AND wearing pink today?” Louis asked, pointing at me.

“Louis, the only pink thing I’m wearing are my shoes and that is actually coral—“

He ignored me. “SEE? He even did that once, call her at three a.m. He was visiting his family and couldn’t sleep, so Chaz had to sing to him until he nodded off. I was there, I heard it!” Harry blushed.

“But Louis,” I batted my eyelashes at him, “Don’t you be insecure, I’m sure Harry loves only you!—And pointing kills fairies.”

Harry laughed. “Yeah, until I find the perfect girlfriend, I have Louis.”

Lou pouted. “But Anne still loves Charlie more than me.”

“Dude, she loves Charlie more than Harry, and he’s her son,” Zayn said.

“It’s true,” Harry piped in. “I think she has a list as to why I should marry Charlie. Oh and Mum? She can cook!” He grinned cheesily, giving the camera a thumbs-up.

Liam laughed. “Yeah, I actually think all our families love Charlie more than us.”

I nodded. “That’s because I actually clean up after me, Liam. And no, my olds don’t. They like Zayn more than anything.”

“That may be because you call them ‘the olds’,” Zayn grinned. “And because I’m buuuuuuutiful.”

“So you’ve all met each other’s families?” she asked.

Niall grinned. “When we left for Spain we did.”

She nodded. “So Harry, back to you. What do you think about age?”

He shrugged. “Age really is just a number, I mean, Charlie has finished school and is definitely the smartest here, and she’s the youngest.”

“I’m the most immature, though.”

“True, but Louis is giving you a run for your money. But yeah, I’d kind of like having a girlfriend younger than me, because then I can show her the ropes of life, and she should be shorter than me, I don’t like feeling short.”

“Charlie!” Louis stage-whispered to the camera, pointing at me.

I giggled and slapped his hand away. “It’s not my fault I’m the only midget here.”

“Okay, so another question was if you were ever going to do a topless shoot.”

“We promise, at one point, we’re all topless.” Harry said. “Together.”

I shook my head. “Not me. I promise you won’t get to see that.”

Harry flashed me a smile. “Oh, but we’d like that, wouldn’t we?”

I laughed, hitting him.

“Sense of humour!” Louis stage whispered, pointing at me again. I slapped his hand away again.

He pouted. “And violent.”

The interviewer grinned; she was probably going to make up some secret love triangle between Harry, Louis and me later on.

“So can any of you play any instruments?”

“Oh, Niall asked that at 20 questions as well.” Liam said.

“Yep,” Niall plopped the p. “I can play the guitar.”

“Me, too,” Liam said. “Very badly. And a tiny bit of the piano.”

“You can’t play a bit of an instrument,” Niall said, but we ignored him.

“I can play the piano just as badly as Liam plays the guitar,” Louis said.

I laughed. “Yeah, it’s really funny.”

“I can play the kazoo,” Harry said in his slow baritone.

“Zayn?” The interviewer asked. Was it just me or was she totally not interested in anything about me? It might be because the others were fit guys, though. So I cut her some slack. Not her fault they all miraculously looked awesome.

“I can play the triangle?” It sounded like a question.

Louis laughed out loud, and I hit him. “Be nice,” I said.

“So what about you, Charlie, can you play anything?”

I nodded. “I can play the harp, and the piano a bit. Enough to do some songs.”

“She’s pretty good,” Liam said. “Way better than Louis.”

“I take offense to that!”

“Sure you would,” Niall grinned.

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