Cats, Kisses, And Wagon Wheels. *finished*

One Direction, a band that was formed during the 2010 X Factor. Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson. Oh right, and Charlie Hunter. You didn't know about her? The Wagon-Wheel-addict with the curly hair? Well, I doubt anyone will tell you too much then. After all, what happens in the house, stays in the house. (Silver in the M Factor Competition) "This story is so hilarious, and it's already my favourite." - " amazing story, full of romance, drama, teenage life and loads more! The storyline is amazing, the characters are easy to visualize." - "An all around perfect book, even though it's a fanfiction!"

--Written for my cousin-in-law, Lottie, who wanted to have a One Direction Fanfic for her birthday. You are welcome.--


8. One Direction.

In Which There Is Some Slight Kinkiness.



“Phew.” I wiped my forehead, putting the last batch in the oven. “We’re good.”

Harry laughed. “Pretty much only you because I’ve never made Fat Rascals or whatever you call them. By the way, should I be worried because you can make something like that basically from scratch?”

I dusted off my hands on the dotted apron. “I don’t think so. I mean, everyone always remembers the masses when all you actually have to remember is the relation. Like, how much flour to how much butter or whatever. And I did look into my Note Book.”

“Can you make pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?” Zayn asked.

The guys were all in the kitchen, but only Harry had helped me since the others had admitted that they were completely helpless with cooking. But, as my brother’s wife always said, Zu viele Köche verderben den Brei, which is German (because she is) and basically means that having too many cooks spoils the food.

“This is good,” Niall said, already munching on his second buttered Fat Rascal. Or at least I think that’s what he said because since he was still chewing, it sounded something like ‘Wif hifoof’.

“You know,” I said, sitting down on the counter, “We should think of a name for our band.”

“You’re actually right…” Liam said, thinking.

“Except I’ve no idea at all,” Zayn said.

I pondered for a bit. “It has to be cool, and different,” I stated. “And nothing too boyish, since I’m in it with you…”

“And not more than three words, best two, because otherwise it gets ridiculous,” Niall added.

Louis hit his shoulder playfully. “Wow, Nialler, wouldn’t have thought you were that smart.” Niall glared at him, stuffing himself with another bite of a Fat Rascal, which totally ruined the seriousness.

“How about The Starters?” Zayn asked.

I frowned. “You mean, as in we’re young people, and as opposed to The Enders or what?”

“That’s in a book,” Liam said.

“And it sounds like food,” Niall piped in.

I giggled. “But we could at least make a hilarious song about how when we grow up, we want to be the Main Course.” I explained when they looked at me. “When we grow up, we wanna be the Main Course, wanna be the main attraction. When we grow up, we wanna reign the whole meal, not just be a tiny fraction! Oh, we could be a steak with potatoes! Oh, we could be lobster au gratin! When we grow up…” I broke out in more giggles.

“Now you made me hungry,” Niall mumbled.

The oven beeped, and I jumped off the counter to get the last batch out.

“Harry, can you get me the mitts, please? They’re on top of my notebook.” My notebook was pure awesomeness, and I had had a look in it to see what fruit I had used the last time, because they’d been fantastic. I wrote everything in it, and it was plastered with photos.

“That’s it!” Harry shouted, the oven mitts in hand.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Harry, these are oven mitts. Now give them to me please.”

Liam chuckled.

“No, I mean, the name! I have the perfect name!”

I went over to him, snatched the oven mitts out of his hands and got the Fat Rascals out. I huffed. “And now I don’t have perfect Fat Rascals anymore because you take too long, bakery boy.”

“Yeah, bakery boy.” Louis nodded. I threw an oven mitt at him.

“So what’s the name?” Niall asked.

Harry came over to us, holding up the back of the book. The biggest photo—and the one he was pointing at—was of Della and me, grinning. We were both wearing self-made t-shirts; Della’s had Tweedledee and Tweedledum (Alice in Wonderland characters) on it, pointing in opposite directions, and the writing ‘In that direction!’, and mine had ‘Magic Makes Sense To Me’ written on it in italic letters. I had made Della’s and she had made mine, we still had them.

“So?” Zayn asked. “Not that you don’t look good, Charlie, or that your friend isn’t fit, but what’s the name?”

Harry grinned his thousand-watt-grin.

“One Direction!”


* CKWW *


“I know what we could do…” Harry trailed off.

“Twenty questions! Go put your PJs on, folks!” Louis screamed, making a Superman pose.

I quickly changed into my pyjamas, which were basically only my brother’s old Cambridge t-shirt and the navy knickers with cream lace I’d worn today. I rushed downstairs, getting looks from the guys, except Harry, who was now slowly coming down the stairs, in boxers and a tee. We all looked at him.

“Hey, be happy I’m actually wearing clothes,” he argued.

I grinned. “That’s what my roommate always says.”

He eyed me. “But why aren’t you wearing clothes?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “It’s called a t-shirt, Harry, and it’s Paul’s, so I might as well wear a dress, in case you haven’t noticed.”

He pouted, making an awkward silence spread out while we filed out on the floor, sitting down in a circle with the Fat Rascals in the middle. When I bent down, my knickers showed a bit, and Louis wolf-whistled playfully, Harry smacking him on the back of his head. I sat down, blushing.

“Oh, oh!” I raised my hand as if I was in school. “I want to start.”

“Nope, as the oldest and therefore most mature person here, I think I should start,” Louis argued. “Okay, first snog?” He added in a girly voice, causing us to laugh.

“Lower Sixth, so I was fourteen, and Will.” I blushed, remembering the awkwardness.

Louis gawked. “No way!” He screeched. “The dude with the curly hair was your boyfriend?! I KNEW it, I TOLD Stan you were with that guy.”

I giggled. “No, we’re just friends. And you can’t blame me for having a thing for curls.”

“Aah, Harreh has a chance!” Zayn grinned, earning a smack to the head from the blushing boy in question.

“Okay,” Niall saved Harry, “Louis, you go.”

“Ah,” he smiled mischievously, “Let me tell you a story…”


“Okay, okay. I think I was about … dunno, I think about eleven, and I don’t know who.”

I frowned. “What the hell, Louis, I can count the snogs I’ve had on one fluffing hand, and you can’t even remember your first.”

“Me neither,” Harry jumped in, and the other boys nodded.

“I can not believe this.” I sighed.

“Yeah, well, you’re an Ackworth Girl, I’m surprised you know what snogs are—OW!” I had hit him on the head.

“Shut up, Louis,” I mumbled.

“Uhm,” Niall piped in.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“What is Ackworth?”

Louis and Zayn grinned at each other, and I put my head on my hands. I didn’t want to live anymore.

“Oh it’s just that amazing private school in the middle of nowhere.”

“Yeah,” Louis added, “And it’s a QUAKER school. They, like, get detention for cursing and shit. And is it true that the Girls’ School House is secured by a code so none of the boys can get in?”

I blushed, my head still on my hands. “That’s actually true. The boys’ as well, but only from one door.”

Hysterical laughter.

“Oh, that is so ace!” Harry managed to say between laughs.

“But they get grounded when they’re found in a guys’ room.” Zayn said.

I nodded, my head still hidden.

“How bad depends on what situation you’re in.”

More laughter.

“I didn’t even think that was a rule, I was exaggerating to no point, but you just told me.”

“Bum,” I murmured.

“She curtsies as well,” Louis grinned.

I shook my head, smiling. “But seriously, we’re pretty lesbian for that. I mean, Louis, you’ve seen Della and me, how can you not have felt the sexual tension? I swear, I’ve seen her naked more often than her Mum.”


“You’re … lesbian?” Niall gets out.

Liam and I burst into laughter.

“His face,” I gasp, “That was so brill, you should’ve seen how horrified you look! It’s like that gay dude’s face when Della said the word vagina!” Niall flinched when I said it, making me crack up more. “Just like that, he looked JUST like that, so Dells just kept on saying it at completely random times!”

I calmed down enough to explain to the other boys, “I’m so not lesbian, it’s just … Della and I are the bestest of friends, so we act kind of lesbian sometimes, but we’re totally straight. We’re kind of like Louis and Harry.”

They grinned at each other.

“So Harry,” Liam said, “What about you?”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t really get why you were so shocked, my first snog was when I was eleven as well.”

“Twelve,” Liam said.

“Same,” Niall got out, obviously still very shocked. I giggled at his face.

“I think I was thirteen,” Zayn said.

I sighed. “At last someone who was kind of my age. Thanks, Zayn, you’re my new best friend. And as that, you can be the next questionnaire.”

“Ooh, tiny girl using big words,” Niall teased.

“Shuttup, Niall. Zayn?”

He was rubbing his chin.

My phone chirped.

Frog: I can’t sleep without your boobies, bitch, we have a real problem here. xD

“What is that—what the actual fuck, Charlie?” Zayn had taken my phone and read the text.

“Give me back my phone, Malik, or you’ll die.” I growled, but he just grinned and held it up so I couldn’t reach.

“Guys, listen to this kinky shit! ‘I can’t sleep without your boobies, bitch, we have a real problem here xD.’ What the fuck, Charlie?”

The guys ooh-ed and I hit his leg, trying to reach for my phone. “Don’t swear, Zayn.”

Just when I was about to get it, he threw my phone at Niall, who scrolled up.

“’You whore how dare you leave me aloooone?’ Four Os,” Niall grinned. “Charlie answered ‘I love you more than anything you know that. Less than three.’ Oh, wait, we’re talking about boobs again—‘Whose boobs am I supposed to touch now, Curly? Sad smiley’. Charlie says to touch ‘Will’s man boobs’,” he actually made these ridiculous air speech marks, “And ‘Frog’ says no, because they don’t like Will and he’s leaving next week. Wow, you sure are a dirty cunt.”

I gasped. “Don’t swear, Niall! Swearing kills fairies!”

“Hey, you’re having a kinky text relationship, not him.”

I glared at Harry. “That’s my best friend, I told you we were behaving kind of lesbian sometimes.”

Liam laughed. “Kind of? Sorry, but Will’s man boobs is pretty lesbian.”

I rolled my eyes at him and snatched my phone back.

Surprisingly, Louis came to my rescue. “They are that way, but they’re definitely straight, they’re rating guys and hating on girls just like every other girl. Believe me, I was in the same train, it was so girly it hurt my ears.” He winked.

“Yep, we just started being kinky one day because Della found out it annoyed the fluff out of our Matron, who is, mind you, extremely scary.”

Harry rubbed his chin. “Kinky, huh? I kind of like that…”

I laughed. “Della’s extremely kinky and lesbian-ish when she gets drunk.”

Liam, being all daddy, shook his head. “And you?”

I shrugged. “I don’t drink much, never been more than a weensy bit tipsy and then I just giggle a lot and act even more childish.”

“Ace, thanks, at least one more here who won’t drink their arse off.” He high-fived me.

“You don’t drink?”

He shook his head no. “I only have one kidney, so I have to be careful.”

“Awe, that’s so cute!” I mussed up his hair. “So Zayn, do you have a question?”

He nodded. “What is your worst habit because I’d like to know that if I’m going to have to live with you.”

“That’s a good question…” Harry said. “I get naked a lot.”

“We know,” Louis interrupted, rolling his eyes.

“Anyways, sorry for that. I’ll try not to, what with Charlie being here and all…”

I waved it off. “That’s fine, I run around in my underwear  sometimes, it’s kind of freeing. And I feel sexy strutting around in my lingerie,” I grinned. “But I think the worst thing is that I’m pretty, you know, emotional? I can get a bit intense, and then I just have to bake something to calm down.”

“Oh, that’s not bad,” Niall threw in. I laughed.

“What about you, Liam?”

“I can be a bit smart and careful sometimes, a bit boring.”

I threw my arms around him. “We are the perfect person together!”

He pried my arms off and I pouted. He sighed and hugged me again, and I yay-ed.

“I like mirrors a bit to much,” Zayn grinned.

“Vain Zayn,” I giggled into Liam’s shoulder.

“I eat a lot. And I fart.”

“We know, Niall. I think the whole village has noticed the increase in pollution,” Louis teased.

“That’s Louis’ fault for you, he’s never serious.” Harry murmured.

“It’s your turn, Hazza.” I leaned over and scratched the back of his neck. He moved his head like a cat to give me better access and I laughed.

“Come, on Harry, don’t let the girl distract you, think of something.” Louis shoved Harry, causing both of us to fall to the side, me hitting Liam and landing on his lap.

“Well, hello there.” I winked at him and he rolled his eyes, pushing me off.

“I think we should go around in the circle. So, when Harry asks now, Louis answers first, then Niall, then Zayn, me, and Charlie, and Harry last.”

I shrugged. “So organized, Daddy.”

“Okay, I’ve got something. What are you scared of the most?” Harry asked.

I nodded. “That’s good, that way we can protect each other when we’re rich and famous and we’re on tour all over the world and you’re all with a different girl every night and I get hate because they think I’m sleeping around, but I’ll eventually marry Taylor Lautner or Andrew Garfield and have ten kids and you will get married to Victoria’s Secret models.”

“That was a long sentence,” Liam said.

I shrugged.

“Growing up.” Louis stated. “I’m afraid of growing up.”

“Louis is Peter Pan,” I said in a baby voice, nodding solemnly.

“You lisp,” Zayn said.

“I knoow, I used to have braces, and then I started lisping a bit.” I shrugged. “I don’t really care, my sister says I’m buuuufitul.”

The guys laughed.

“I’m actually scared of birds,” Niall said, and I giggled.

He pouted. “Hey! I was maliciously attacked by a pigeon when I was a kid, I’m traumatised! Oh yeah, and I’m claustrophobic.”

“I didn’t know you knew words like that,” Zayn teased.

“It’s your turn,” Niall growled, but he was still grinning.

“I’m scared of water, I can’t swim.”

Louis laughed. “What about when you drink it, mate?”

I rolled my eyes. “Harry, hit Louis for me, please.”

He did.

“Ow, Harreh! Why do you always do what your girlfriend tells you! I thought we had something special!” Louis screamed.

“You’re awful, Louis.” I smiled at Zayn. “I used to be scared of water because I have a chlorine allergy and I thought all water was evil and wanted to give me a rash.” He smiled a bit, so I was at least kind of successful in making him laugh.

“I have the worst possible fear of spoons,” Liam said, dead serious.

“That’s awful,” I said, patting his back. “How do you eat yoghurt—because I tried eating it with a fork once, and that doesn’t work.”

“I don’t eat yoghurt.”

“How do you eat soup?” Louis asked.

“I eat everything in it with a fork and drink the rest, can we go on to Charlie’s fear now?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Come on, Chaz, it can’t be so bad,” Louis said.

“You called me Chaz.”

He nodded. “Your friends did. So what is it?”

“I have really bad coulrophobia,” I murmured.

“What the fuck is that?” Niall asked.

Liam side-hugged me. “It’s the fear of clowns-“

“DON’T SAY THAT WORD!” I cried, wrestling out of his embrace and hiding in Harry’s chest.

“Wow, you’ve really got it bad,” Harry said into my hair.

I nodded. “Once, when I was about five, one who was on stilts bullied me on a fair, I wasn’t able to sleep for a week.”

Harry sighed. “I’m scared of rollercoasters, I don’t like the way they move.” He sounded a bit sick.

I hugged him. “I’m not their biggest fan either,” I tried to help.

“Louis, it was already your turn, so Niall can think of a question now,” Liam changed the topic.

I sat up awkwardly, brushing imaginary dirt off my t-shirt.

“What kind of instruments do you play?” Niall asked.

“I can’t play anything, I used to play the triangle in our school orchestra for extra credit,” Zayn said.

“I can play the piano and the guitar, but none good at all,” Liam continued, laughing. “You, Charlie?”

“I can play the cello, but I’m not particularly good, my cousin-in-law just teaches me sometimes,” I answered. “But I play the piano a bit, and I can play the harp, because I’m a genius. I’m grade seven.”

“That’s good,” Niall said.

I winked at him. “Surprised?”

“I can play the kazoo,” Harry grinned.

What was a kazoo?

“What’s a kazoo?” Zayn asked.

“It’s an instrument,” Harry simply answered and waved at Louis to continue.

“I’m really good at pretending I can play the piano,” he laughed.

“I play the guitar,” Niall finished off, “So now it’s Liam’s turn.”

Apparently, Liam had already thought of a question beforehand.

“What was your first word?”

I grinned. “No.”

“Come on!” Louis shouted. “You have to answer it, chicken!”

I laughed. “I mean, my first word was no.”

“And your second?” Liam asked.

“That’s not part of the question.”

He grinned. “I just made it part of the question.”

“It was mouse, because that was the name of my cat.”

Harry perked up. “You have a cat?”

I grinned. “Yeah! Do you?”

He grinned as well. “It’s called Dusty (or Molly, depends on what website you read, but I like Dusty better because I used to have a cat called Dusty, so HA)! I love cats!”

I clapped from excitement. “Me too!”

“Yeah, really interesting, and let me guess, cat was Harry’s first word?” Niall said, bored—he was probably hungry; there were no Fat Rascals left.

“It was, actually!”

Zayn face-palmed. “Oh God, why.”

“Mine was cat as well,” Louis pouted.

“What is it with you people and cats?” Niall asked. “My first word was mummy.”

“That is so cute!” I exclaimed. “No, seriously. Did you know that kids’ first words are what they hear the most? So I guess I wasn’t the nicest baby…”

“I don’t even know what my first word was!”

“What?” Louis asked.

I frowned. “Yeah, Zayn, how come you’ve never asked your nanny or your Mum or whomever?”


“Shut up, Liam, not everyone has parents who care. So anyways, what was your first word then?”

“I actually don’t know, I asked my Mum but apparently, I just screeched a sentence she couldn’t understand.”

“That’s sad,” I decided.

Niall laughed. “Like your face?”

I threw a pillow at him. “No, like your dark brown roots, Blondie.”

“Ooh,” Louis teased. “You want some water for that burn, Irish Boy?”

“Can I ask another one?” I asked.

“No,” Harry pouted, “You were first, it’s my turn.”

“Not fair!”

“Sure is.”

“Please, Harry?”




“Pretty please with a kiss on top?”

He sighed. “Fine.”


“But I want that kiss.”

“Sure,” I said, grabbing his face and kissing him smack-bang on the mouth. I let go and tied my hair up in a messy bun.

“Okay, who’s your celebrity crush and your gay crush?” I asked.

“That’s such a girl question.”

“Yeah, well, I am a girl, Zayn.”

Louis laughed. “Look at Harry, he’s totally dazed from you kissing him.”

He was right, Harry was staring at me in disbelief, his eyes wide. He probably hadn’t thought I’d actually do that.

I giggled. “Harry, you might want to answer my question.”

We went on playing—well, it became something like 47 Questions, but oh well, until I don’t know when, and I eventually nodded off on Harry’s shoulder.

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