Here I Am

The Sequel to What Are The Odds, Here I Am is all about Estrella's journey to finding her self and trying to forget the past that is haunting her. Estrella will soon find out that running from the past is easier said than done. Will she ever find her birth parents? Will she ever let Harry back in her heart or is it to late?


2. Business Not Pleasure


Natasha’s P.O.V

                It’s confession time. I knew from the moment that Estrella left where she would be heading. It was confirmed when I called Brandi and tried to convince me that she hadn’t spoken to her, Brandi’s always been a terrible liar. I had a constant battle going on my head on wither or not I should’ve told Harry, I obviously kept the secret well hidden. Part of it was because I knew that Harry would go chasing after her and she would break him more by rejecting him and the other part of it was because I was angry. Yes she had total right to be angry and upset about the whole adoption thing but she had NO right to completely abandon the people who have always been there for her, the people that loved and cared for her the most. The only other person that knew about my discovery was Zayn. I didn’t tell him by choice; it was forced out of me since Zayn has gotten really good at reading me and knew that something was bothering me. I’ve been with the boys every step of the way of this tour and when I heard that the next stop was New York I immediately felt light headed. I’ve never been the type to keep how I’m feeling bottled up and doing it now was killing me and there was only one way I knew how to get rid of everything, I needed to see her. As soon as we arrive to our hotel I threw my suitcase while giving the best alibi I could to the guys.

“I just have to go get some woman products I’ll be right back.” I yelled

They all bought it, well everyone but Zayn. I closed the door and as I made my way to the elevator I heard it open again and felt a hand grab on to mine.

“Natasha I know where you’re really going and I don’t think it’s a good idea babe” Zayn said with concern.

“I just have to Zayn.” I said while trying to release my hand from his grip.

“Is it to get everything off your chest or to warn her about the interview today?” He asked.

“If I’m going to be completely honest, it’s a little bit of both” I replied.

Estrella’s P.O.V

                “What the hell are you doing here?”

                Those were the first words that finally came out of my mouth when I finally found the courage to speak. Everything that I was trying to bury deep into my memory resurfaced. I admit that I missed Natasha, she is my best friend... or was, anyway the anger that I felt was more powerful than anything. I spent five long months trying to forget everything and her she is just showing her face and ruining it all.

                “Damn not even a “Hi Natasha I missed you so much.” Oh wait why would there be you’re the one that decided to abandon everyone who loves you, oh wait my mistake you kept one how did I forget she’s standing right here. How are you Ms. Brandi? Are you enjoying my best friends company?”  She said.

                “I can’t handle this right now.” I said as I began to walk away towards the bathroom but Natasha’s next words sent me to a complete halt.

                “Typical Estrella, I’m glad to see that you didn’t change and that you’re still running away from your problems.”

                “How dare you Natasha. How would you feel? How would you react if everything that you’ve ever known was all a lie? Don’t talk shit unless you’ve been in my position.” I replied.

                “I might not have been in your exact position but I know you’re hurt, you and me both know that I’ve been hurt plenty of times. You know what I did whenever I was hurt Estrella? Come on you remember tell me?” she shouted.

                “You came to me.” I whispered

                She angrily responded “Exactly! I came to the people that I loved, the people that I knew would be there for me. I NEVER ran away from those people because even though I was hurting I didn’t want to hurt them to in the process. Did that thought ever occur to you? That you were hurting the people that love you, that would do anything for you. There is no excuse for what you did.”

                “I did what I thought was in best interest for everybody.” I explained


                This argument was getting pretty heated and as I was about to responded Brandi finally decided to intervene.

                “Guys calm down, now sit and have a civil conversation.” She order us

                We both sat on the same couch but as far away as possible. Neither of us spoke for a while, trying to blow off some of them steam. Natasha was the first one to speak.

                “Listen, you don’t have any right to decide what’s best for other people.  I didn’t mean to blow up like that but you have to understand that I’ve been holding that in for five months. Yes, I’ve been suffering but what’s worse is that I’ve been watching the people I love suffer too. You left, you never got to see all of their faces: Zayn’s, Niall’s, Liam’s, Louis’s Harry’s.”

                As she said he’s name I could picture it all. Harry reading my letter, seeing my necklace not around my neck but dangling from his cold hands. For what seems like the thousandth time tears started to form and fell from my face.

                “I never meant to hurt any of you, I was and still am confused about everything. I felt completely lost and I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know and I still don’t know who I am, how can I be around people who say they know me when I don’t even know me.”  I said, voice shaky.

                “Estrella where you’re from doesn’t define you it’s only a part of you, you define you.” She spoke in a kind voice for the first time since she got here.

She still kept her distance from me, not daring to hug me like she use to when I cried. How can I blame her though for staying away, she had every right to have her guard up, they all did.

“I have more to tell you but go wash your face up first, leave the door of the bathroom open though.” She said.

By that comment I knew that she knew. She knew that I fell back into my old habits of not eating and puking my guts out. I did as I was told and glad that I did because as soon as I took a glance at my reflection in the mirror I looked like complete hell, but I guess revisiting your ugly past will do that.

Brandi’s P.O.V

                “Nice to see that you’re still a firecracker Natasha.” I chuckled as I approached the couch sitting in Estrella’s former spot.

                “Nice to know that you’re still a horrible liar Brandi.” She replied and also chuckled.

                “Yea I really have to work on that but all jokes aside we need to talk.” I whispered

                “I’m guessing it’s about Estrella since we’re whispering.” She replied in a quiet whisper.

                “I’m kinda glad that you’re here, I’ve been worried for a while about her. Also I demanded to know what the hell is going on because I have a feeling I wasn’t told the complete truth.” I confessed

                It was in that moment that Natasha came undone and reviled everything about Estrella and told me what REALLY happened. My heart broke, I couldn’t believe my own ears. I admit I understand where Estrella is coming from but it was the wrong way to deal with this. I now knew why she didn’t tell me the truth, because if I knew I never would’ve gotten this far and she most certainly would be back in Florida or London.

                “The one thing that told me that she was losing it was… she stopped singing Natasha.” I reviled.

                “She what? She completely stopped?” Natasha asked

                “Yup, no open mic nights that I invited her to no nothing. I haven’t even heard her singing in the shower.” I said.

                Singing was EVERYTHING for Estrella, whenever she was down she would just belt it all out, it was her therapy.

                “I didn’t know it got that bad, I should’ve came sooner.” Natasha said

                “It’s not completely your fault, I should’ve called someone. I’m glad you’re hear.” I confessed

                “Yeah I’m here Brandi but it’s for business not pleasure.” She explained.

                We both turned around when we heard Estrella ask a question.

                “What business?”

Estrella’s P.O.V

                “What business?” I asked

                Curiosity began to overwhelm me. I mean what else can Natasha have for me other than what she just lashed out. I sat down on the couch but still managed to keep a good distance from Natasha, crunching up next to Brandi. Natasha then began to explain.

                “We may not be on good terms but I obviously still care about you, I’ve known you my whole life so I’ll never stop caring for you so I felt like I should warn you about today.”

                “Warn me about what? Natasha you’re scaring me.” I said.

                “You’ve done a good job at hiding from the paps but I think that after today you’re going to have to try a little harder because I have a feeling they’re going to go on the hunt to find you. The boys have an interview today and when they ask whose single Harry’s going to raise his hand.” She explained.

                “You mean he’s finally going to make it official to the public?” Brandi asked

                “Yeah, I guess he got tired of waiting.” Natasha replied.

This was worst then having her lash out on me. I felt like she just punched me hard in the stomach and I got the wind blown out of me. I found myself taking short breathes and it was getting harder to breathe. This interview would mean it would be the end. I knew I broke it off but by him not telling the public I felt like it meant he still had hope for us, that he still loved me. All of a sudden I felt adrenaline pump through my veins and faster than lighting I was off the couch and searching for some clothes and shoes.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Brandi asked

“What are you doing?” Natasha shouted

I ran towards the door and before I left I answered their question.

“I can’t let him do this. I won’t let it be over, I was stupid and I made a mistake.  I need him back, I need to get my Harry back.”

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