New Life

Maddie's terrifying past is behind her, she's ready to start a new perfect life with her boyfriend Harry, and best friends Zayn and Louis. She's happy, free, relaxed, and in love. Will a simple mistake ruin everything for her future? Will a simple 5 minuets change her life forever? *Sequel to 'Remembering Katy Perry'. You might have a hard time following along if you haven't read the first book, so check it out(:*

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17. Better

Maddie's Pov 

"There. All fixed up, babe. Promise me you'll never ever do this again." 

I glance up at Liam, my mind still in a fog. 

"Huh?" 

He sighs and puts the last piece of tape on my wrist, making sure it will stay. 

"Promise me you'll never hurt yourself like this again." 

I pull my arm in and run my thumb over the tape, imagining the cuts in my delicate skin. 

"Yeah. I promise." 

I choke on the words as I force out the lie. As soon as these heal, I'll be right back at it. I won't have Zayn to stop me either. 

Zayn. My lips still tingle from the kiss we shared not even twenty minuets ago. What was that? Why right now? Why'd he run out after word?

My mind swims with questions about Zayn and what our relationship will be like after this, if we will even have one. 

"Maddie?" 

Liam's smooth, comforting voice interrupts my thoughts as I glance at him. 

"Yeah?" I answer quietly. 

He bites his lip, mentally debating on what to say. 

"You do know we all care about you, right?" 

I don't answer and study the blood stained floor. I'll have to clean that up, I didn't mean to make a mess in Zayn's bathroom. 

He puts his hand on my leg and glance at it. I refuse to believe him. Why would they care? I'm just a girl Harry met. They haven't even known me that long. 

"You have to listen to me when I tell you I love you. Your like one of my sisters. I don't want anything to happen to you. It hurts me to know that you have so little respect for yourself."

"I don't understand why. I'm a horrible person, Liam. Why don't you see that?" I growl through clenched teeth, trying not to cry. 

"I've been told for a long time now that I am. I didn't believe it for a while, but it's time I face it. I don't deserve somebody like Harry, or friends like you and the boys and Eleanor and Danielle, or to be loved and treated nicely. I deserve these."

 I thrust out my wrist, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. 

"I deserve to be back at home, waiting for Ryan to get home, all pissed off from work, and to take it out on me. I should've died, Liam. He should've just killed me. It would be so much easier for everyone if I wasn't here. And don't you fucking dare say it wouldn't be." 

I don't wait for his response and push pass him, out of the bathroom. I'm done. I'm so done with people telling me lies! 

I collide with Niall in the hallway, and nearly fall over. He grabs my arm, steadying me and laughs a little before asking if I'm ok. I'm sickened by how easy everything is for him, how life is so much better for him, how so many people love and adore him. 

"Fuck off, Niall" I spit out, shoving past him. He grabs my wrist, stopping me, and turns me toward him. 

"Whoa. Where the hell did that come from?" 

I sigh and open my mouth to answer, but Liam pops out of the bathroom, running toward us. 

"Maddie!" 

I shake me head and yank my wrist out of Niall's grip, taking off down the hallway. I don't want to listen to either of them right now! I want to go home. I want to be held by my mom and Michael, have them tell me everything's going to be okay, and be able to believe the ridiculous lie. 

Not be stuck in Zayn's apartment, just being caught cutting myself, every one trying to explain 'how much they care' and 'how much they love me'. Its all fucking lies! 

I go through the kitchen, ignoring curious glances from both Zayn and Lou and storm out of the apartment, slamming the door behind me.

I have expect it to open up after but don't stick around to find out. I go down the three flights of stairs as fast as I can, just trying to get away. I need to be alone, I need to calm down and think. 

My vision blurry from tears makes it hard to see where I'm going, so I feel around for the handle on the door, hands shaking, heart beating fast, about to blow. 

I open it up and collide with someone trying to get out. I try to push past the person, not looking to see who it is, and trip over my feet. 

My hands catch the impact of the fall, followed by my knees. The tingling of the ripped skin on my hands mixes with the feeling of the cuts being opened again. 

All the fight I seemed to have in me leaves. I have no want or will to get myself off the filthy sidewalk, to try and fix things with the boys, to make sure Harry's okay. 

I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face, letting the tears fall silently. I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. My heart aches and my body begs to be held by someone, anyone at this point. 

"Maddie?" 

His voice stops my heart, only for a second, then squeezes it into nothing. I slowly raise my head to see if it's really him, and see his beautiful green eyes looking at me with concern as he squats down next to me. 

"No no no no no" I whisper, shaking my head. I can't see him right now. I can't I can't I can't. 

"What.." 

He trails off, running his eyes over my body, stopping on my wrist. Oh no. I don't want him to know. I really don't want him to know. 

"What happened? Did you fall?"  he asks casually, gently grabbing it. 

His skin on mine sends an electric spark in my body and heart. I shake my head and look down, removing his hand. He looks at me confused and I just shake me head. It's easier to show him then try and explain it. 

I gently, but steadily start to unwrap the white tape. Once around, twice, three times, four, five. I finally get to the gauze and peel it away. Here goes nothing. 

I look up and extend my arm a little toward him. 

"That's what happened" I say quietly. 

He tenderly grabs my arm with a pained expression, and rubs his thumb over one of the cuts. Involuntarily I flinch, and pull my arm back a little. 

"Sorry, they still hurt" I mutter. 

"I.." he trails off, not knowing what to say. 

"I have to wrap it back up." 

I start to put back on, but he stops me. 

"No." 

"No? What do y-"

He presses his lips against mine and my head swims. I press back harder and momentarily enjoy his familiar taste before pulling away. 

I rest my forehead on his, eyes closed, and intertwine my hand with his. I miss this. It's only been a day, but I miss this. 

Neither of us speaks the words that need to be said, instead we both enjoy the silence. 

Remember why you broke up with him, Maddie. He needs someone better, prettier, stronger, someone that's not you. Tears sting my eyes even thinking about letting go of him and the heart ache returns. 

"Harry. You know we can't do this."  

My voice cracks as I whisper the words, squeezing his warm, rough, comforting hand. He shakes his head against mine and his skin against mine is driving me crazy. 

"Why?" 

I fight the urge to kiss him again and pull my hand out of his, sitting back against the wall of the building. He looks at me with watery eyes and my heart ache worsens. 

"Why, Maddie? Why can't we do this? I don't want to be with anyone but you, I love you and I know you love me to!" 

"Harry, please" I whisper. 

I stand up and go to walk away, but he pops up after and places his arms on the wall, so I can't move. 

"No. I'm not moving until you give me a legitimate reason." 

He locks eyes with me and I feel the years spill over my eyes. Damn it! For once in my life could maybe attempt to look strong? Not like a crying fool? 

"I told you why." 

"That's a horrible reason, love. Try again."

I sigh and shake my head. 

"I don't have to explain this to you, Harry" I say defeated. 

He leans in so his face is inches from mine and my heart starts to beat faster, my mind spinning. 

"Just one question." 

His hot breath trails onto my skin and I gasp, feeling a little overwhelmed. 

"Do you love me?" 

I don't even hesitate before I answer.

"Of course I do, don't be stupid Harold." 

"Then why ruin what's good?" 

I bite my lips and play with the words in my head. We were good. Could we go back to how things were after this? Would it be the same? 

"I don't know, Harry. I feel like you should someone better then me." 

"Better then you?" he laughs. 

"There is no one better than you, Maddie. When will you get that through your head? I don't want a model, or someone that can sing, or some famous girl everyone wants me to be with. I want the girl who grew up in small town, Michigan. The girl who fell the first time I met her. The girl who didn't scream and cry when she met me and the boys. The girls who's been through so much in her life, but still manages to put a smile on her face every day. The girl who's standing in front of me, you. I only want and will only ever want you." 

I'm over come with emotion with every word he says. I stare at him with a dumb smile on my face, eyes shining. Not knowing what to say, I close the distance between us and kiss him with everything I have in me. 

Cliché as it sounds, a spark was let off, filling my body with passion and love and lust like I've never felt before, for Harry. 

He kisses back, placing his hands on my back and pushes me close to him. My hands are all over his body, in his hair, his cheek, his chest. 

He pulls away, and wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. I bury my face in his neck, and let his warmth and comfort envelope me. 

"I love you" he whispers against my hair. 

"I love you too, Harry." 

I don't know how long we stand in the middle of the sidewalk before Niall flies out of the door looking flustered. Harry and I pull away from each other, but hold hands. 

He looks at me, then Harry, then our hands together. 

"Wait.. Are you guys..?" 

He holds his breath waiting for the answer, and Harry turns toward me, smiling. 

"Yea, Niall. We're back together." 

Niall throws his hands up in the air and sighs. 

"Thank God! Don't you to fucking do that to us again, Jesus. Haven't been able to eat all day worrying about you two." 

He walks back through the door mumbling something to himself about bananas. He stops and whips around toward us. 

"Are you coming or not?" 

"Yeah we're coming, Niall." 

Harry pulls me into the building and up the stairs, following right behind Niall. I feel something wet drop down my arm and glance down to see one of my cuts have opened up. 

Shit. I stop in the middle of the hallway and pull my hand out of Harry's and put it on my wrist. 

"I gotta get this wrapped back up.." I mumble to myself. 

"What's the matter?" 

"I- it just started bleeding again. No big deal, babe" I answer him casually, picking back up with Niall. 

Harry jogs to catch back up with me and matches my stride. 

"What do you mean 'no big deal'? It's a bit of a big deal, love." 

I sigh and trot up the next flight of stairs. 

"No, Harry. It's really not." 

He stops and grabs Niall's wrist, forcing him to stop as well. Well. So much for not being a big deal. I stop with them and glare at Harry. 

"Harry. I swear to God.."

He rolls his eyes and turns toward Niall. 

"Mate, is it or is it not a big deal Maddie cut herself and it's now open and bleeding again?" 

Niall turns to me and his eyes dart to my hands, still trying to stop the bleeding. 

"Niall. Think carefully about your answer" I warn. 

His eyes go wide as he turns from me to Harry, back to me, then to Harry. 

"Well, ehm. Sorry Maddie, but I have to go with Harry.. It is kind of a big deal.." 

I stare dumbfounded at the blonde haired twit as he shrugs. Really, Niall? Really? Not helping me out here. 

I sigh, stare at both of them for a moment, then turn and walk down the hallway into Zayn's apartment.

"Maddie!" 

Liam jumps off the couch and runs toward me and Louis takes a moment to turn away from the tv and glance at me. 

"Oh, hey. Your back." 

Liam shoots Lou a nasty look before grabbing my elbow and pulling me toward the kitchen. 

"Li, I appreciate the concern, but I gotta go get a band-aid, babe." 

I start to walk toward the bathroom when I hear Harry and Niall come in, laughing. Better not be at me. 

Everything in the house kind of gets quiet as I creep down the hallway. I hear whispering in the living room, and am tempted to go back and eavesdrop.  

I shake my head at the thought and continue down the hallway, until I'm at the bathroom. I awkwardly reach my left hand up and throw open the door to see Zayn, naked, getting ready to step in the shower. 
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