I call you love {Austin Mahone}

Christy's life changed a lot after she moved from Texas for the first time. How is it now that she's going back? Will people ever understand what she's suffering from and all the pain that she's going through? What about that hot boy Austin? Will he ever see the real her. This is another one of my Austin Mahone fanfics that I usually write on my facebook page for him, but I wanted to share it with more people.

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17. relapse

 

When I woke up the next morning I wasn’t feeling good. It was like it was back then three years ago. Everything was coming back at me. I didn’t know if I could handle all these people inside of my head, and I didn’t even know if I could handle going to school. I didn’t go out of bed when my dad asked me to. I was just staying under my duvet trying to comfort myself. I never wanted it to be this way but it was how it was when suddenly a lot of people liked you. It was a weird feeling and I didn’t know how to react with everything.

My dad came into my room and checked on me.

Dad: Are you okay Christy?

Christy: Not really, no.

Dad: Do you wanna stay home for the day?

Christy: I think it’s best if I do so.

Dad: What’s going on Christy?

Christy: It’s just… all this people and all these feelings and all these things to have inside of my head and then…

Dad: Then what?

Christy: I better show you.

I took my laptop from the floor and opened the website that some girl had sent me yesterday.

Christy: When I went on twitter yesterday some mahomie had said something really rude about me and posted this link.

I turned my laptop around so my dad could go through it all.

Christy: My journal has been leaked, with all the pictures.

My dad took my laptop and shut it down.

Dad: I’ll be taking this with me to work and then I’ll call Dr. Bennett this afternoon. Someone’s gonna pay for this.

Christy: Dad, don’t make such a big deal out of it. Just leave it.

Dad: I’m not going to and you know that.

My dad left and took my laptop with me. I was mad at him but I knew he was only doing it for me to help me.

I went to sleep and had an awful nightmare. I woke up all sweaty and shaking all over my body. I actually still got medication for this but I didn’t want to take it.

When I went out into the bathroom I was still shaking. I stared at myself in the mirror and reminded myself of how I used to look when I stood there. The red eyes, the make-up running down my cheeks, the shaking, the anger, the fear and the cuts. I wanted to do it all over again but I knew what was going to happen if I did. I still felt like cutting myself every single day but I didn’t do it. I looked at the edge of the sink and found Luke’s razor blade. I touched it and felt a rush going through my body. It was between my fingers, sharp and cold. I heard the little voice inside of me.

Just do it. I know you want to. You know you wanna feel the cold blade run through your skin while it’s slowly draining the veins inside of your body. JUST DO IT.

I was scared and shaking and before I knew it the razor blade sat in my wrist and I ran it over my wrist again and again. I got more and more relieved the more blood I saw.  

I heard the doorbell and went back to the reality. I wanted to hide everything but I didn’t really have the chance to. The doorbell rang again. I took down my sleeve and tried to cover but I was still bleeding. When I opened the door Robert was there.

Christy: What are you doing here?

I wasn’t expecting him to be there and to be honest I didn’t want to see him right now.

Robert: Spending my break checking on you. Why aren’t you at school?

Christy: I can’t be at school.

Robert: why?

Christy: I just can’t okay. I can’t have it inside of my head right now.

I was about to close the door but he stopped me.

Robert: What’s going on Christy? What are you hiding from me?

Christy: I’m not hiding anything. I’m just sick.

I was shaking and scared that he saw the blood on my sleeve.

Robert: Can I come in for a second.

Christy: Right now isn’t a good time. Could you come back later?

Robert: Later isn’t good either.

I didn’t really want him to be there but he obviously wanted to talk.

Christy: Then just a couple of minutes.

I let him in and when I showed him the way with my arm he saw the blood. He froze and stared at me.

Robert: You have something on your shirt sweetie.

He took my arm and looked at it.

Robert: Is that blood?

I felt how I became weak. I couldn’t stand on my feet and I just wanted to break down and cry.

Christy: No…

Robert: Christy, look at me.

I looked into his eyes and felt like he was doing something for me. I couldn’t lie to him, I had to tell him the truth. He took up my sleeve and saw my cuts that was still bleeding and looking itchy.

He let go of me and was about to leave without saying anything.

Christy: Robert, wait I can explain.

Robert: There’s nothing to explain. I’ve got to think about this for a second.

Christy: You’ve got to think about? Well why don’t you think about this too?! I have trauma and suicidal thoughts. I’ve tried killing myself twice and I’ve seen my own mother get killed. I hear voices telling me to hurt myself and I start shaking and get scared of everything! I’ve finally gotten some people in my life who’s actually trying to love me for who I am but as soon as they say something nice about me I can’t have it inside of my head because I’m used to something different. I’m sick and it’s all coming back because I don’t know how to have friends because I haven’t had any for years! This is the first time I’ve hurt myself for 7 fucking months, and you wanna know why I did it? Because the opportunity was there and because I couldn’t resist it anymore! I’m weak, and whenever I do this to myself I’m feeling strong! So could you just please help me for a second before anything else happens?

Robert looked at me. He didn’t know what to say. He just took out his phone and called someone.

Robert: hey. Tell the other’s I won’t come back to school. She needs someone here to help her. No she’s not doing good… No don’t tell him. He’s gonna find out when he gets here later with Austin. Yeah I’ll tell her. Bye.

When he had hung up he hugged me, he held me close into his body without saying anything. It wasn’t really what I needed but whenever he hugged me close I knew he was there and I knew he was real.

Robert: Don’t do this to yourself. I hate seeing you like the bebe. 

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