I call you love {Austin Mahone}

Christy's life changed a lot after she moved from Texas for the first time. How is it now that she's going back?
Will people ever understand what she's suffering from and all the pain that she's going through? What about that hot boy Austin? Will he ever see the real her.
This is another one of my Austin Mahone fanfics that I usually write on my facebook page for him, but I wanted to share it with more people.

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21. goodbye world

 

I didn’t sleep much more that night. Actually I didn’t sleep at all. I just watched Robert sleep. When his mom came to wake us up I was kinda scared. She had given me matrass that I had to sleep on but I had been sleeping right next to Robert in his bed.

Robert’s mom: Robert, get up! Time to go to school.

Robert turned around and hugged me. This was when both of us realized that my bed on the floor was on touched and she knew I had been sleeping in the bed all night long. She stared at us for a while and it really scared me.

The morning went by fast and before I knew about it Robert and I was sitting in the bus on our way to school. I had never tried to take the bus to school and I hated it from the moment I stepped in. Everyone was talking about us and staring at us. Some of them even mentioned my cuts on my wrist.

When I had been in school for a couple of hours I think about 70 people had been asking what had been going on for the past couple of weeks. It was getting to my head really fast and I didn’t really know how to handle it but I knew I had to make it through the day.

At lunch I called Sophie. She gave me some advice to get through the day and I think my day got even better when Austin came up to me just after I hung up on her.

Austin: How’s my favorite girl?

Christy: Wow since when did I become your favorite?

Austin: Since the day you arrived.

He kissed my cheek and hugged me close.

Austin: You don’t look okay. What’s going on?

Christy: I just got off the phone with my doctor.

Austin: And what’s going on?

I showed him my wrists which I had been scratching up last night when I had had the nightmare.

Austin grabbed my arm. Not hard but it still scared me. He wanted me to get away from all the people. He looked furious.

Christy: Austin I can actually explain this.

Austin: Then do it! Do you know what people are going to say when they find out about this? Do you know what it’s going to do for my career?!

Christy: You know the nightmare I’ve been telling you about. It’s there again. I was scratching my wrist. It was in the dream. I don’t really know what was going on but I was really desperate and stuck so I started scratching my wrist which I did in real life too. I woke up screaming and saw it. I got really scared and I didn’t sleep after that.

Austin hugged me. He knew I wasn’t lying even though I wish I had made these myself so I would have been feeling the pain.

Throughout the week everything starter getter worse again. I couldn’t handle being in school and my dad and I knew it. I argued with everyone around me all the time, and when it was Friday morning I didn’t even show up for the first class.

I was at home when both Luke and my dad had left. Luke had to meet with some of the people from the crew early before school, and dad shift started at 8am so he had to leave home early because he was working in San Antonio. I sat down in front of my mirror with a red lipstick. I drew a heart on the mirror, and smiled at myself. I hated my smile. It was so weird and I looked fat whenever I smiled. My cheeks covered my eyes and made me look stupid and retarded. I took the lipstick and put it on my lips. I wanted to look pretty just like mom did before she died. I did my make-up like hers while I was looking at myself in the mirror. I stared at myself when I had finished. I wasn’t beautiful. I didn’t look like her at all. I started crying, all I wanted to was to look like the woman who had given birth to me. The beautiful woman who was always there with me.

I heard someone, and then felt something cold on my shoulder. I looked at her. She was there with me. My mom but she wasn’t alone. She was with someone. She looked at me with sad eyes.

Christy: mommy!

She smiled at me but she still looked disappointed. She was about to leave when I got up from the floor.

Christy: Mommy don’t leave me! Stay with me! I can’t do this without you! I miss you! I want you to stay with me! Mommy come back!!!!

She left and I sat back down on the floor crying even harder. She hated me. She hated what I did to myself and the people around me. I didn’t want to let her down anymore. I didn’t want to let anyone down. It was time to make an end of all this. I went out into the bathroom but there was nothing there. Nothing to help me. I went through all of Luke’s things in his room but there was nothing there either. I became desperate and started shaking. I was screaming and crying.

Christy: Why are you making this so hard! I wanna be with her!

I was screaming while looking up at the ceiling. I was speaking to God. The God that had left me but also the God that had helped. I loved him but I couldn’t do this anymore.

I ran down to the kitchen and found a small knife. I took it and looked at it. There were stars in my eyes. I went back up into my room and sat down in front of the mirror. First I put the knife through the heart of the mirror so the mirror broke into a million pieces. I let it be there and took one of the bigger pieces of the mirror. I looked at myself disgusted by how I looked and before I did anything I took the lipstick and wrote on the broken mirror.

“I’m sorry for all the pain I have and will put you through but mom is waiting on the other side. I can’t let her wait any longer. I’m sorry. You should have helped me when you still could.”

I took the broken mirror piece and started cutting myself. I started at the feet. Every single toe got cuts all over my feet I had cuts. I did long deep cuts up on my legs. When both of my legs were covered in blood I started getting dizzy. I looked at my wrists. I opened all of the cuts on my wrist. I was screaming. It was painful even for me. But I enjoyed it. I made them bigger, and bigger and bigger. And a little deeper. Deeper…

I started having trouble breathing but I kept on going. I wasn’t going to stop until my body was drained from every single drop.

The door went open downstairs and I heard Austin and Luke talking about me. I cut faster and reopened the cuts. I was still screaming and crying. I started cutting my neck and then everything went black. I saw Austin who was frightened and then I heard Luke.

Luke: Fucking not again. 

When I woke up again I was in the hospital. Still screaming. It had only been an hour but they were trying to close all of my wounds. Most of them were closed already but I wanted them to stop. I didn’t want to stay here. I wanted to get to my mom.

Christy: LET GO OF ME! LET ME DIE!

I saw my father’s eyes which were red from crying and I suddenly realized what was going on around me. 

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