But I Do Love You More Than That

A crossed summer between eleven people with too many secrets, that suddenly become revealed, but they are to late to hide.

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9. The Past (Part One)

Chapter 9: The Past (Part One)

But I Do Love You More Than That

Chapter 9: The Past (Part One)

- Harry Styles -

I was picking up Cleo from work, she helped out at the local art club that taught people to paint, draw, play instruments, and dance. She was excellent at all these things, but she was to unselfish to say so about herself, she never bragged or flaunted what she had in front of others that had less. And I did not want her to turn into a Katherine, not the katherine I saw the night before, I didn’t want her to become furious, and have so much hatred for me she wants me dead, I don’t want her looking or thinking about me to turn in to tears and the urge to scream and kick and fight. I didn’t want her to be mad at the world, she was to perfect of a human being to do so.

I figured I’d tell her all about what happened with Louis and Katie the night before and hopefully get the chance to talk about the past we had. The whole summer, that whole three months she thought was the biggest mistake of her life and she didn’t realize I didn’t want it to be over. I’d kept it a secret for a year now and I was tired of it. We had to talk about it, and if it turned into fight i’d do the one thing Louis didn’t, I’d tell her I love her and I’m sorry and I should’ve said my feelings long before now. Louis and I were similar in this situation; unsaid feelings, our mistakes, everything, and Louis needs to do the same i’m doing, but honestly he needs to give her room for a few days before going to her, she might just flip out and yell and scream and hate him more, even though her hate isn’t real. Her hate is just love, only confused, and she can fix it, she’s so mixed up her feelings are probably swishing back and forth through her brain, scary really.

My palms were sweating while thumbing the beat to the song on the radio to the steering wheel, I was nervous. Just the thought of talking about it is weird. We’d never talked about it before, and I had no idea how it was going to end, good, bad, awkward, who knows. Sooner or later my eyes glance to the side of the car to see her walking in her upbeat fashion. Her hair was wavy today, I liked it like that. She was wearing shorts and a long button up top with a light coral underneath. I had planned on asking her to go have coffee, but who knows how this will end, might as well take her home and we could talk there. The car door opened.

” Lovely day, isn’t it?” Some one was happy.

” Oh, isn’t someone cheery?”

” Today was good, very quiet, I’m just in a very happy mood I guess?” I sure hope I don’t ruin that.

” So, are we going to your house or mine?” She shoved my shoulder, I hope she realized later on that isn’t a sexual reference.

” Harry!” Her jaw dropped, and her bottom chipped tooth showed.

” Chippy.” I giggled at myself, I’m very cheeky.

” Shut up, okay, well let’s go to your house, way more quiet there.” I nodded my head and continued to drive, her eyes wandered. Up above them to me, then she’d laugh and pull and tug at her button up, very fidgety. We pulled up into the driveway and walked up into the apartment lobby and straight into the elevator.

” Bum bum bum bum bum..” I looked own on her and chuckled, she was singing. ” What? I like this song! Bum bum bum bum.” She was so cheerful today, she then took her arm and wrapped her arm around mine right in time for the elevator to ding, we stepped out and we started our way into the room.

***

” She did what?” Her eyes grew big as she took another cracker and gracefully placed it into her mouth.

” Exactly, she really wanted to, I could barely hold her back!”

” Reminds me of our first ’ gathering ’ this summer.” She put her air quotations around the word gathering, she knows I remember. ” Come on I’m stronger than you.”

” You want to bet?” I grabbed her hand, ” Let us battle this with a fair game of arm wrestling? Whoever wins decides what we talk about next.” I knew that was a for sure way to get her to talk to me about it.

” I win! Ha!” I pulled my hand away.

” Now what do you want to talk about?” Her eyebrows cringed and she looked at me curiously.

” Last summer.”

” Harry, you know-“

” I know you don’t want to talk about it, but its better to talk now than never.” Her eyes looked down and wandered on and around the floor. Honestly I was just as nervous as her.

” Harry, it’s the past, its not the future, it won’t happen again.”

” How are you sure of that, Cleo?” I should’ve said that.

” What?” She was breathing heavy, and her eyes grew big then started to water. ” Harry, last summer was different, we did things we shouldn’t have we were stupid and it wasn’t right, there weren’t any feelings behind any of it, we were both drinking that night and it was stupid. End of story.”

” You weren’t drunk. Your mom asked me to just put cherry flavored water in your cup, you thought it was alcohol, I wasn’t drinking either, and don’t think it was just a drunken kiss.”

” Well obviously, we didn’t just kiss-“

” And, it wasn’t just that night.”

” I know.” Why was she acting like this? Does she even have feelings for me anymore? ” Everyone knows what we did harry.” She was right.

” I know and I’m so sorry for that but we cant just let what we did disappear, we didn’t just kiss and you know that, we did so much more and what if the feelings are still there? What if I still love you?”

” You never loved me.” Her eyes were water, I just wanted to run up to her and kiss her, I wanted to wipe her tears, i don’t want her to be crying.

” Why else would I still be here? I love you and you don’t believe it because you don’t want someone to care for you, you’re allowed to care for someone but they cant care for you. Why would someone who doesn’t care almost have sex with you? I stopped because it wasn’t right at that moment! Not because i don’t love you but because you probably wouldn’t want that on your first time, a supposed drunk hook up with your best friend. That’d you’d try to hide and not remember. I don’t want that, I respect you! and I know you’re scared of relationships because of you know who. But I am not him.” I could tell she was taking it in, and she wasn’t exactly happy about how I was talking about it but she knew it was the truth, her ex was an asshole and if it want for me he’d still be an asshole here. He’d still be in her life and she doesn’t deserve that. She’s so strong and beautiful and I want her to myself.

” How did Mariah find out?”

” Cleo, thats not the point-“

” How did she find out!”

” I told Louis and he told melanie when they were dating and I am guessing she told Mariah.” There were actual tears this time. ” Please, I didn’t know she would tell everyone that she had a ‘secret’ you know that she’s a conniving little bitch and is so incredibly jealous of you.”

” You said.. that we would never.. speak of it to anyone.” Her voice was shaking, she was to upset to fight, I felt terrible, this was so stupid.

” I didn’t know she would threaten you, she doesn’t get the idea that I love you. Not her. You, Cleo, you.” She was shaking her head.

” THis is all you’re fault, all of it everything, and i hate you for it, I hate you.” It was happening, she was having that hatred I didn’t want. ” And No! No, you don’t! If you loved me you would’ve have said a word to anyone! None of this would’ve happened if you would kept your goddamn promises like you said you would, I should’ve never loved you!”

” You loved me?”

” Of course I did, why wouldn’t I have you met or seen yourself? I was just stupid, I am an idiot, getting involved with a dumb celebrity, I’m a stupid girl and I’m not even worth your time and I’m gonna go. “

” No, you’re not leaving!”

” I’m so stupid, this is wrong, we almost had sex a year ago and we cant just start over thats not possible!”

” You’re not stupid, you’re the smartest and most talented person I know, and if I cant have you that way I want you as a friend.”

” But you don’t need me, go we sound just like James and I right now, this is already looking bad.”

” I am not James.”

” No, you’re not, but you already told the damn country that we almost did stuff!”

” Almost! Wow! No, we did stuff, look I’m putting this out there, kissing and making out is counted as doing stuff, especially behind our friends backs when they left or late at night, sober!”

” Stop, yelling at me! Okay we did stuff, stop it, I hate this, drama, I hate it!”

” You hate me?”

” I hate you caring so much about me, you worry, you’re a real person with feeling and I love you but I cant just start back up where we stopped, were best friends and thats all, thats the end of it friends. I am nothing you want, nothing, you would hate having me as your girlfriend.”

” You already were my girl.”

” No, I wasn’t stop this, I’m not what you want, you’re what I want!”

” Stop really.” I tried to go in and kiss her, she just slapped me and walked away. I tried to stop her I tried to make it good again, i told her I wanted to be with her and that I loved her but she hates that I worry and she hates that I’m famous, I don’t care, we can be a secret again, I honestly don’t care.

to be continued…
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