Regrets (Zayn Malik S/A)

Zayn is comfortable in his life with Ana, but it's not enough - is it too late for Ana?

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1. Regrets

 

What am I supposed to do without you? The thought alone is breaking my heart and restricting my breathing. 

Ana, I need you, I can't do this alone. I depend on you more than I realised, you're essential to my existence. 

Please just wake up, open your eyes. I'd kill just to see those beautiful blue eyes again. 

I begged you not to leave when you were upset but you can be SO stubborn when you want to be. This is all my fault. 

~

"How about we go out tonight?" Ana suggested attempting to grab Zayn's attention; but she knew that was a near impossible thing to do when he was 'in the zone' and writing lyrics. "We could go see that new Jim Carrey film at the cinema? Or go out for food rather than staying in, again."

Zayn processed every word she said and shrugged half-heartedly, it wasn't as though he was strictly opposed to leaving the house, there was just something about the rain that made him want to be home. "We could order pizza!" He compromised.

"Or we could go to pizza hut!" She smiled swinging the computer chair slowly enough to grab his full attention, but slow enough not to annoy him. 

"Hmm, I dunno." Zayn pondered over the ever growing pile of lyrics that needed checking for improvements, he then glanced at his girlfriend and offered a wary smile. "Maybe tomorrow."


"You said that yesterday too..." She mumbled almost incoherently, with a sigh she dropped down on the grey leather sofa. "Well, can we at least watch a film?" 

"I think we've watched everything..." Zayn sounded bored, he scribbled out a stanza written on the wonders of women's boobs (written by Harry of course who claimed it was essential that there was a verse about boobs in every song he wrote). 

"Well we'll just watch whatever crap comes on the TV." Ana was beginning to grow impatient; it seemed as though the longer her and Zayn were together, the more comfortable he became and the less attention he paid to her.

"I might go meet Kim then..."

"Have fun."

"We'll go get blind drunk and see if a group of ruffians would like an orgy." 
 

Zayb barely reacted just nodded, "Take the mini if you want."

With a sardonic laugh, Ana stormed into the hall and pulled on her converse and polka dot raincoat. 

"What's wrong?" Zayn followed her, he leant against the hallway wall and watched her put her coat on. 

"Oh nothing, everything's fine." Ana spat grabbing the mini's keys. "Everything except the fact my boyfriend doesn't even acknowledge my existence unless I'm naked." 

"That's not true at all I'm just really busy with the tour coming up." 

Ana rooted herself in front of him, her long curly, blond hair cascading onto her chest when she pulled the hood up on her jacket. "Too busy for me." She stated matter-of-factly. 

"No that’s not what I meant, you're the most important person in my life Ana, you know that."

"No, actually no I don't. When was the last time you told me you loved me?" 

"Well..." Zayn crumpled his face while he thought it through. 

"Exactly." Her eyes clouded over with emotion, "I make sure I tell you everyday so that you never doubt how I feel about you, the best reply I get is a kiss."

"But I do love you!" Zayn argued attempting to pull her closer to him. 

She shrugged him off and swatted his hands from her hips. "No. You're comfortable with me. It's not enough I'm just so sick of this." With an exasperated sign she turned on her heel and stormed out of their apartment into the rain. 

"Ana, come back in, we'll talk this through." 

"I don't want to talk this through!" Ana shouted, the rain began to merge with her tears and she cursed herself internally for not wearing waterproof mascara. "I want things to be like they were; I want the old Zayn back."

"Ana please just come back inside."

It was hard finding the keyhole while she was crying, but it wasn't impossible. "Where are you going?!" He clutched the car door tightly while she tried to pull it shut. "I need time to think. I'm going to my Mum's."

He furrowed his brow in frustration and let her close the car door, "If you leave now then don't bother coming back." He didn't mean it; of course he didn't mean it. The truth was he couldn't live in a world where she wasn't with him; but he wanted a reaction and she wasn't listening.

“Goodbye Zayn.” And with that she drove off. 

~

You shouldn't have drove away while you were upset, they told me you must have lost control of the car, skidded on the water... the car flipped and you hit your head. 

I keep tracing the cherry blossom tattoo on your wrist with my index finger; it breaks my heart that you don't react to my touch. I remember when we went to get our tattoo's together, I think I was more scared out of the two of us... but as predicted, you comforted me and smiled that beautiful smile and made everything seem like it was going to be okay. I keep talking to you, telling you about my day, telling you how much I love you, I keep singing to you but nothing makes a difference. 

I'll be by your hospital bed every day until you wake up and every single day I'll make you know how much I love you. When you wake up, not if, but when you wake up, I'll never take you for granted again. I love you Ana, don't ever doubt that.

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