The Feces Machine

A man returns home after a hard day's work to find a 10 foot deep, cylindrical hole made of stainless steel in his living room.


2. Erotic Massage of the Frontal Lobe





It stands to reason, that having your hand shriveled and shrunk into something resembling a deflated, uncircumcised penis, can be very troubling. I say the least. That lumpy, toad person still holds my wrist. It's greenish brown with strange orifices running all along its body. These orifices drip a smelly fluid. I really hope those aren't sex organs. Its pale, blank eyes blink with semi-transparent eyelids.

"You must listen to me", it says in that flat-lined voice that doesn't reveal gender. "We will go to The Machine and discuss things."

It releases my hand and, instantly, it returns to normal. No more shrunken dick hand for me. Hooray. It takes the pistol and swallows it. Fuck my life. 

The waddling, amphibious being takes a seat at the edge of the hole and dangles its legs into the open space. I cautiously sit a good distance away from it. "Listen" it says. "We don't have much time. I need you to be docile. Are you docile?" I don't know how to answer this question exactly. I wouldn't say that I'm super relaxed, but considering there's a fucking frog person talking to me and I'm not really questioning the reality of the situation, I would have to say that I'm fairly calm.

"Yes" I answer. "I am docile."

"You smart-ass" the toady retorts. "Are you suddenly above using contractions when you talk out loud?"

I remain silent.

"You pathetic, sniveling individual. You're a pain in the ass. Get your limp dick over here before I get REALLY angry."

Feeling a little intimidated, I comply. I take a seat closer to this monstrosity. "Good." it says. "I have a very important question for you. I need you to think about this very carefully. The ugliest woman you've ever met. The most unappealing female...

Did she smell like dog shit?"


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