Confused Love

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10. chapter 9

I hear sounds. My eyes won't open. I hear yelling. My name. Over and over. Other jumbled words I can't make out. I hear desperation in peoples' voices. Calling me. I try to get back, to push away from the fogginess that blurs my mind. To pull myself out of this daze.

Izzy.

Izzy.

Izzy.

"Niall...." I form the word and mutter it softly. It's hard, but I manage to get it out.

My eyes flutter open to find the beautiful face I betrayed. The wrong one.

"Niall?" Zayn asks with a confused look. I see Niall on my other side as he winces with guilt. I said his name. I wasn't supposed to.

"Niall. I was in a canoe. With Niall...." I try to cover up and I hope it works. I attempt at sitting up until my head is pounded with a strong force. 

"Easy there." Zayn holds me and lays me back down on the floor of the living room. A sweatshirt has been put under my head as a pillow. I inhale the scent of Niall. Niall. Niall's sweatshirt. He gave me his sweatshirt.

I snap back to reality and try to recall what happened. I remember Niall's lips on my lips. Our bodies touching. And the cold sensation of water wrapped around me.

Memories flash through my mind.

Niall jumping in the water. Blacking out.

I feel horrible. I need to talk to someone.

"You okay?" Zayn asks. I look at him and say "I think so." I take a look at all the boys and they give me worried smiles. And I think I have a plan.

---

I wake up in my bed.

I recall Zayn carrying me up the stairs. I remember changing into dry pajamas. Him helping me into bed and kissing me on the forehead. This is the time.

I feel a lot better. I get up and go into the hall. This is the right thing to do.

1 door. Niall's door. I wonder if he's in there. I push the thought from my head.

2 doors. Harry's door.

I stop at the third door. I take a deep breath in and knock twice. After a short moment, Louis steps out in his pajamas.  "Izzy?"

"We need to talk." I brush past him and enter his room.

---

"WHAT HAVE I DONE? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THE GUILT!" I scream in Louis' room. Thankfully the rooms are spaced out enough no one will hear me. Just in case, I put the shower on to muffle my yells.

I sit on his bed and bury my face in my hands. I begin to cry uncontrollably.  "This isn't me," I sob. "I am not a cheater. I am not I horrible person. I..." Louis sits on the bed beside me and outs his arm around my back. "What happened Iz?"

"Niall. I think I'm falling for him. He kissed me in the canoe. And I didn't stop him. I kissed back. And......I liked it." Saying it makes me cry harder. He looks at me with a pained look. "I thought this would happen. I saw you two at dinner. You need to talk to Niall. You can't let anything else happen between you two until you talk to Zayn." I look up and nod. He pulls me in his arms and whispers "It'll be alright."

---

I take Zayn into the backyard, saying I need to talk to him. We're on the patio when he grabs my hand. He starts walking and joking, and I stop and face him.

"Zayn. You know I love you. I love you a lot. But, I have something I need to confess....." I look up into his big brown eyes, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"When I saw Niall at dinner, I discovered I had feelings for him. Every time we looked st eachother, sparks flew. I told myself it was nothing. I pushed it away. I reminded myself of how much I love you. But yesterday in the canoe, he kissed me. And I can't keep living this lie-"

Zayn drops my hand. I look down at it.

"What are you trying to say, Izzy?" I see his eyes clouded with tears. No, he can't be doing this to me. "Are you......breaking up with me?" I look into his eyes and the look I wear gives him his answer. "I'm so sorry" I whisper before he walks back into the house, slamming the door behind him.

I scream as loud at my heart lets me.

---

That night, I get my own room.

I move my stuff to the guest room when Zayn is in the bathroom. In the middle of the night I am getting up to go to it myself when I hear crying coming from my room. My old room. Zayn's room.

I run to my new room, slip under the covers and cry. And cry. And cry. I feel someone slip in the bed with me. I bury my face into Niall's chest and continue to cry this neverending flow of tears. He holds me as I sob. And the whole time he whispers in my ear, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

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