heroes dont exist

Josh. Robyn's life revolves around her boyfriend. That is, until he dumps her. now, there are no such things as heroes. Untill, Robyn meets this mystery boy in a Starbucks near her home town of Bel-Air, California. He starts to pull her out of her pit, but takes it too far, too fast. Robyn goes back down and gives up on everything she has ever held close. Will she get back up? Or will she quit?
Ali and Nicole enter Robyn on the x-factor in an attempt to pull her out of her darkness, yet again. Robyn's life starts changing for the better unroll she learns that a close friend has terminal leukaemia. Robyn's boyfriend let's her leave(so he thinks), and he can't stand being without her. Robyn's bandaged heart shatters again, leaving her hopeless. Will she get back up? Or will she just go with the motions numb the rest of her life?


6. Not good enough

"I'll text you when I'm home, just to be safe.", Niall said walking me to the door. "ok", I smile. He puts his arms out for a hug. I fall into them, my head landing just under his chin. He hugs the hurt out of me, I feel like I'm flying. Like there is a firework just lifting me off the ground. He leans back and he touches my cheek with his hand. I place mine on top of his. He looks into my eyes, deep into my eyes. I smile. He gets closer. "just kiss me already", I scream in my thoughts. Then he closes the gap. We kiss...for about a second. I pull away. He makes a face. "I just... I can't. I'm sorry Niall. I'm just not ready.", I say turning and waving. I close the door and go to Nicole's room. "why? Why?! Why is it so hard!?", I tell at the pillow. I grab it and throw it across the room. I let the tears flow. One finds it's way to my mouth. I taste my tears. "where is there a...?", I think getting up and heading to the kitchen. I open the drawer and pick up the perfect one. I know I'm crying, but it is like I'm numb now. I look in the mirror. "this is for being ugly", I say holding it up and gliding it along my wrist, I watch the blood flow and I sputter some more tears. "for being dumped", I do it again, making another horizontal slice on my right wrist. "cause' I'm not good enough". With every thought and trait another cut, more blood shed. Soon there are 30 cuts distributed on my wrists. "why not just kill yourself now?", I ask. "give everyone else the satisfaction, the satisfaction of not dealing with me. Why not?", I reason. I grab the pills from the medicine cabinet in the kitchen. I grab a legal pad and a pen. 
         I'm done with disappointing everybody. I can't handle the burden of making myself perfect for everyone. I'm just tired. Ever heard that saying,"you'll get enough sleep when you're dead"? That's what will work for me. Just leaving; stepping out. 
   It's not your fault. I love y'all to death and I hope I'll see your kids from hell one day, where I belong. I wasn't good enough for earth I must not be good enough for God either. I hope y'all understand my decision. I love y'all a lot. Please don't let me get in the way of your life, of your future. 
     Love y'all to death, 
            Robyn ��������",
I read as I write it down. I use the knife to prick my finger, I see the blood and I dab it onto the page. I go to the kitchen and hide all of the knives and pills except for the 7 I'm going to take. "they can't kill themselves, too", i say. I go back in the bathroom and put two in my mouth. I start crying. I swallow them and take a drink of water. I yell at myself, "you are ugly!". I put one more in an swallow it,"you aren't worth anybody's time!". I put the fourth in my mouth and swallow,"no one is going to love this ugly body! That is a naive, stupid idea!". I put in the fifth,"the dreams i'll never amount to!", I scream and swallow. I start to feel lightheaded. I put the sixth in my mouth and scream as loud as I can,"goodbye! Hope y'all enjoy life without me!". I take one heavy breath. "we are home!", I hear from the bathroom. I collapse as the door busts in. "ROBYN! NO!", I hear screaming. "9-1-1 state your emergency", blares in my head as I fall into the black, "it's been done, I'm gone", and I smile as I submit to it, letting it carry me away. 
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