So Close Yet So Far

"With all of the struggles and everything in between, I know we can overcome it all and prove anyone that ever doubted us, wrong."

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36. ❥Rethinking Things

  Surprisingly our parents let us sleep over at my house that night. I couldn't get the picture of disappointment written over everyones faces out of my mind. I swear I even had a terrible dream last night, but I was just to scared to remember it.

  I had no idea I was going to have an audience to tell this to. The plan was just our parents, and our parents only. Maybe if we had have pulled then into the back and told them it would have gone a bit better, but by the looks on their faces they were utterly shocked and embarrassed. No matter how many times Niall tried to convince me that they weren't I knew they were.

  I slipped away from Niall quietly trying not to wake him and went to take a shower. I slowly took off my clothes one by one taking in the accents of my body that had gradually gotten bigger. Once my shirt was off I admired my growing belly in the mirror, turning to the side, and rubbing my hands continually around it. Just the thought of another human being living inside of you for nine months is fascinating alone.

  I stepped into the scolding water after a few minutes of standing in the mirror and let it run down my body. It was honestly relaxing, I knew for sure I needed it, with all of the stress I am under at the moment I was not only scared for myself, but  for the baby. 

  I needed to get away for a while. That was the only solution to me being relaxed and not having to worry about every little thing that is going on around me. I knew it was a selfish thing to do because this baby is not only mine, it is Niall's too. Two days away couldn't be that bad. He would be ok.. wouldn't he?

  I placed my face in my hands and quietly sobbed. I didn't know what I was going to do, where I was going to go, nothing. I knew I had Niall, but having him to depend on was the one thing my mother taught me was completely wrong. "You can never depend on a man," she'd tell me. "You always have to have something else to fall back on if that goes wrong."

  Just thinking about her words and how much of a fuck up I looked like in her eyes made my body shake under the entirely to hot water. But all I could do was cry.

Nialls POV

  When I reached over and felt for Sydney I figured she had just moved away from me because I knew how she would need her space from getting to hot sometimes, but when I peeped one eye open, and didn't see her there, I panicked. I threw the covers off of myself and ran to the bathroom door. 

  "Sydney," I twisted the handle, but it was locked. She was locked inside of the bathroom not saying a word. I was scared to death because the worst was running through my mind. "Baby, open the door," The shower was running and I continued to twist the handle until the lock popped.

  "Baby?" I walked over to the shower and pulled back the curtain. The state she was in had my heart sink to the lowest point it could go. She sat the with her head in her hands uncontrollably crying. I placed my hands on her hips to try and help her out, but jerked away when I felt how hot the water was.

  "Holy shit, Sydney!" I started to panic again imaging how burned her skin could possibly be. I reached and turned the water off and grabbed a towel from the cabinet. "Come on, step out," I instructed her. She did as she was told and stepped out as I wrapped the towel around her red body.

  I picked her up bridal style and laid her on the bed. She instantly curled up into a ball and turned away from me. "Hey.." I sat down on the bed and gently rubbed her back. "Whats wrong? Tell me what happened, love." I ask, but she doesn't answer. She sits there and  sulks in the sheets. I hate when she does this.

  "Sydney, for anything to be worked out, love I need you to communicate with me." I try to get her to cave in and talk once more. She lifts her head and I raise my eyebrows.

  "Niall.." She sobs choking on her words. "W-what if it is to soon? What if we are doing all of this to early?" Sydney hiccups and puts her head in her hands.

  "C'mere," She leans into my side, and I wrap my arms around her damp body. The mixture of the heat from her shower, the heat from the house, and her being worked up and crying makes her body ten times as hot.

  "Calm down. Stop, baby, you are stressing yourself out over nothing at all!" She takes deep breaths and finally opens her eyes to look at me.

  "Those are the beautiful green eyes I know," I wipe away her excess tears and smile. "I'm just so scared, and I don't know if we," she points between the two of us, "are making the right decision."

I confusedly look at her, "Sydney, you can't be considering abortion." I say as convincingly as I can because I'm sure if she is considering this I will, too, break down.

She looks up at me and slowly nods her head. "No. No! If you are in your right fucking mind you know no matter what I would never consider such a fucked up thing! This is my baby, too,"

I get off of the bed and stand at the door staring at Sydney. She's stuck in her own world only thinking about her feelings. No one else's.

When she looks at me again I loose it and slam the door on my way out.

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