If Loving You Is Wrong

Carrie was born in London but moved to USA when she was 7. She seems to have a pretty good life with her mom, her best friend Em, and her boyfriend John. But one day something happens that changes everything. William, her childhood love from London has moved to the USA to look for her but he realizes she has moved on past him. Will Carrie remember William?


5. What!?

During the weekend all I could think about was John. I needed to know if he was ok. If his grandfather was badly hurt John wouldn’t be feeling good. What if he had died? John would be devastated. I remembered how it was to lose my father. When you lose someone you love, a part of yourself leaves with them, and you are never, ever the same. Many other people may come into your life, and make you feel happy and cheerily again, and even though you may not always think in what and who you lost, you know that nobody will ever be able to replace them. They have a special place in your heart, and that place will always be theirs no matter what. And loss isn’t always about death. Sometimes people leave. Sometimes it’s about immature reasons, like getting in an argument and never talking with that person again. Sometimes, you have no choice. Like when I moved away from London, away from William. I wonder how he felt when I left. If he cared. I wonder if he lied on his bed days and days, hoping that I would come back, hoping that I missed him, that I craved to play with him one last time before I left. I wonder if deep inside he hoped it would all be just a bad dream, and that he would wake up the next morning and that he would see me at school, waiting for him on the bench, as I always did. 

I suddenly realized I had completely changed the subject I was thinking about. How did I start thinking about John and ended up thinking about William? Actually, I have to confess it happened a lot to me in the past few days. It’s like I had this weird desire to see him. Not because I liked him, but because I needed to know what he was talking about. What he meant when he told me to “watch John”. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to find out. He clearly meant that John was lying to me, probably hiding something, but what? I decided to ask Em what she thought about this before making any move. I called her and decided to meet at the Starbucks that was near the school. 

“Hey Carrie, what’s wrong?” Em asked noticing the concerned look on my face. “Um, it’s just that…John left earlier from the ball because his grandfather was involved in an accident” I paused, not really convinced if I should tell Em or not about what William told me. “So…” she said waiting for me to continue. I hesitated for a second, what if she thought I was overreacting? After all, Em was my best friend, I had to tell her. “William said that John was lying about it. But just forget about it. I mean, why would he? Besides, he wouldn’t lie about something that serious. What do you think?” I continued. “Carrie, I think it’s time for you to know something.” Em said, and her eyes were filled with tears. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. I mean, I couldn’t. They threatened me and said that if I told you they would make sure everyone would hate me and that I wouldn’t have anyone I could trust, that they would leave me and you friendless” she broke down and tears streamed down her pink cheeks. “What!? What are you talking about!? Em who said this to you, what happened?” I asked trying to calm her down. What could have happened that it made her so upset?

“Ok, but please don’t get mad at me, I swear I wanted to tell you” she started. “I promise” I said so that she would go on. “Well um, some days before John went to Canada I saw him, right here in this same spot” she said, her voice trembling “and he was with Tanya” “Well yeah, he told me that they hung out a lot lately, I wasn’t happy about the idea at first but I couldn’t do anything about it so I just accepted it” I said, not really understanding what Em was trying to say. “Carrie don’t you get it!? He’s cheating on you!” she shouted at me. I’m sure by now everyone else in the room was staring at us. But I didn’t care. What did Em just said to me? That John was cheating on me? No, he wouldn’t. “What?” I managed to say. I realized I had a lump in my throat. “How do you know, if they were just hanging around” “They kissed Carrie. God you’re so stupid, just listen to me. I was there and they kissed, and they hugged, and they cuddled. I saw them, with my own eyes!” she said shaking me. Before I could realize, tears were pouring from my eyes. I tried not to believe her, but she was my best friend. Apart from that, she couldn’t be lying about this. “That’s when they saw me and threatened me. I’m so sorry. You can’t let them find out that I told you.” Em said still crying. 

I got up and ran away. And ran, and ran. Is this what William was trying to tell me? If it was, why didn’t he. No, I wouldn’t believe it. I needed to see it with my own eyes. Maybe this was the reason why he didn’t tell me; maybe he thought I wouldn’t believe him. Because truth is, I wouldn’t have. And I don’t. And I won’t until I see it. Obviously, I will have to talk to John, just to be sure, and I will try to find out about it as much as possible. I just have to think right now. I have to go home, take a shower and think, and meditate, and think.

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