Im still an innocent.

Based on a favourite song of mine.
'Lost your balance on a tightrope, never too late to get it back.'


2. It's alright just wait and see...

In my dream, a woman stood before me, dressed in a long black ball gown. Her hair fell in mousey brown ringlets that fell like a waterfall down her chest, brushing the sides of her cheeks. 

'It's alright just wait and see' she said.

Her voice was deep, and meaningful.

'Your string of lights are still bright to me'

She turned around, and started walking away into the thick mist that hung in the air. The light around the room was so bright I could feel myself squinting in my sleep. Everything began to go more hazy.

'Who you are is not where you've been' She spoke, without even turning her head.

Her hair rippled down her back with every step. The more I concentrated on her, the more I noticed that she was fading. Her dress became grey, and I could see the emptiness of the room through her.

'You're still an innocent' she whispered as she disappeared with the wind.

I didn't realise until I woke up, that that beautiful woman was in fact my mother, and those words were the comforting words she spoke to me as a child as I sat in her lap with tears running down my rosy cheeks. Over the years I have done several things that I can't speak of. Even the thought of these things causes my whole throat to close up, and my eyes to fog over. I can't ever speak of these things, not to anyone, but at night I live them all again; the way I felt, the thoughts that viciously ran through my brain, the hurt I felt.

Opening my eyes for the vivid memories in my mind, I realised I was now sat in a heap against the wall. I wouldn't be shattered on the floor now, if only I had seen what I know now, then. Maybe, just maybe, if I could go back now and tell the 13 year old me that things could have worked out, maybe I wouldn't be here right now. Wiping my nose, I squinted my eyes tight, either because I wanted to get rid of all the tears blurring my vision, or because I didn't want to be here, I didn't know which.



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