The Writer's Rant

There are so many things writers do to piss me off. Starting with cliches and bad humor, this is just a guide/rant to some things. I personally do some of these things so if you want to call me stuff, all you'll get is the bird ;) It's my first book having to do with humor and ranting but I hope to just write. I will not be advertising this because if you want to read, you will. End of story, start reading.

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4. Part Four of the Writer's Rant

This may be contradictory to the Huffington Post thing because I'm flaming young writers (some not all, because there are SO many amazing ones!) and defending them... LOL! I don't really know. I guess I just have to say there are people who are in fact illiterate, but I won't mention them here because to embarrass someone like that would be plain rude!

Also, I am going to start posting this more often. it's going to be a diary sort of thing where I don't care whether people read it.

 

16. Best Friend Who's AMAZING At Makeup...

Come on, we've all seen this at one point. It's like the main character is going on a date and her BFF helps her get ready. But the thing that makes it cliche is the BFF is AMAZING at makeup. She transforms the main character into a whole different person. I don't know about you, but I think that would be cool... sadly they don't really exist that much.

I think the start of this came from Twilight? It's a question mark because I'm actually not really that sure. It's like Alice get's Bella ready for wherever she's going. I think it was in Breaking Dawn? It could've started happening before the Twilight Fandom, but I'm not sure.

Like, I'm BFF's with a girl named Saphira (I call her Sappy to piss her off.) I'm horrible at makeup and all I do is wear some eyeliner and some blush. BAM! That's it. I don't work up with foundation or eyeshadow. It's all too much. And Saphira?

She's even WORSE at makeup than I am. She tried to put eyeliner on once, and she managed to poke some black into her eye. It made her blind for like ten minutes.

So my point is that no every girl is good at makeup. Most are actually really awkward because I'd rather choose a knife over lipgloss.

 

17. Haunted Houses...

This is mainly for horror stories, but maybe for others too.

In horror stories, there are usually haunted houses but where do they freaking come from? I've never seen a legit haunted house abandoned by people and run down. I think they do exist, but really? Unless you know anything about a real one, you shouldn't write based on the stereotypes of others.

I think my house is haunted. Sure it doesn't look like it... but there are weird sounds and I feel like people are calling my name in the middle of the night.

Or is that just paranoia?

 

18. The Lack of the Rainbow...

No, I don't mean skittles. I mean races as in religion, culture, skin tone...

In almost all stories I've read, the characters are played by white people. I have NOTHING against any race at all. I'm 12, way too young to develop prejudices! But where is the diversity? There are almost never stories with Indians, or Aboriginals.

I'm yellow. There, I freaking said it! No offense to other Asians, I'm allowed to insult myself. But as I was saying, the Asians (if they're in the story) are the best friends/supporting characters. Um, why? Does this make sense?

I wouldn't write a story with the main character being Asian because I am Asian and it just seems like too much to put your race in the main spot. I'd write a story about a girl who was Indian, or if she was white, I'd actually specify where she came from.

There's nothing wrong with characters being white, but most people just say 'she has fair skin.' What does that tell us? Absolutely jack squat!

Is she German? Dutch? French? Siberian? Swedish? Swiss? English/British?

See, we're not told. All we know is that she's white... like snow. Oh, that's why she's called Snow White, now I get it!

 

19. The Expression 'If Looks Could Kill'...

I've heard it way too much. I've actually heard it almost as much as I've heard smirk. Why doesn't the girl glaring just pull out of gun and shoot the other girl in the eye? Then the stupidity would be over. Can you just imagine someone glaring at you? It's creepy that they have nothing better to do than stare at you... hatefully.

I don't like that expression. Mine is probably more along the lines of 'glare at me *****, and I'll make you wish you didn't have eyes.' I'm such a peaceful person, huh?

People should find better expressions to use because the overuse has made it into a cliche. Why don't you try something like 'her intense glare burned into me like lightning striking a tree.' Ok, that wasn't the best example, but it was deffo better than If Looks Could Kill.

I actually like similes better than expressions but they're tricky because if they don't work, you sound like a twit. No, I'm not British, I just like saying the words twit and bloody.

 

20. When Authors Beg For Likes or Comments...

These people are called like/comment grabbers. They're like '49745945984 new comments and likes or I won't update.' How is that in any way fair to your loyal readers? They are doing the best they can and you shouldn't have too set goals.

Even with this rant, I'm not expecting people to read it and comment, but it's more for my own personal enjoyment! I don't care what you think. I don't care if I get a billion likes. I only care for views/likes or comments during a contest, just so I can make the shortlist, but that's it!

One time, an author (extremely gifted, mind you) was writing up her chapter. She told us she wanted like 200 votes. When she didn't get it she went all apesh*t and started swearing at us and telling us we were awful fans. Guess what happened?

She lost ALL her fans. Every single one, including... me.

Moral of the story? Don't write for the public and have no self, write for the self and hope to gain public.

It's nice to end with a moral, huh?

I don't know... I have a bracelet that says 'In a relationship... with my computer.' Do you approve? ;)

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