The Writer's Rant

There are so many things writers do to piss me off. Starting with cliches and bad humor, this is just a guide/rant to some things.

I personally do some of these things so if you want to call me stuff, all you'll get is the bird ;)

It's my first book having to do with humor and ranting but I hope to just write. I will not be advertising this because if you want to read, you will.

End of story, start reading.

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5. Part Five of the Writer's Rant

Ok, it's been a while. I have a new system: YAY!!

Every time someone requests a new part, I'll start writing. I will update by myself, but this is something I do forget to update so reminders are nice. It's more of a thing I can look back at and laugh though, which is nice!

This is going to ahve a point about swearing, so just keep in mind I don't actually swear...

Also, to everyone reading: Don't feel bad because you make these mistakes.. I do too. I just like ranting. :P

NOTE: If this offends you, don't read it.

21. Too Much Detail...

Don't be a Stephenie Meyer. Making half the book describing one thing over and over again is going to make you lose readers. GUARANTEED!

There's detail and there's excessive detail. One paragraph to describe facial features is fine. One page? Much too much! I mean on Microsoft Word. Unless there's something abnormally wrong with the character's face, don't take a full page just to describe.

It's like: Her blue eyes shone through the moonlit night. They were full of life with the different hues of azure. Her perfectly shaped eyes complimented the shade beautifully. As did her eyebrows and blue tinged eyelashes. I could've stared into her eyes for hours and I'd get lost. The mesmerizing blue made her words all the more meaningful.

Ok first, gag me! I am a twelve year old author who doesn't like writing romance. It makes me feel dirty... But do you see this? I am repeating the same info over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. (Did you notice that I just copy N pasted the words 'over and' again and again and again and again and again.)

Yes, I am a really strange human.

But come on. That was so hard to write, just because I don't really put detail in my writing (guilty!)

There's also unnecessary detail (another topic), which is the next point...

 

22. Unnecessary Detail...

When you describe a character's clothes, some writers will write this... My apple bottom jeans seemed like a good choice today. They cost $40 and I got them in France at a store called Tres Chic. The sales lady was a complete jerk to me, but I bought the jeans anyway.

There's a difference between too much detail and unnecessary detail. Too much detail needs to be edited because the main point is still needed. Like, I described the girl with blue eyes. I need that down because it's important to tell what the characters look like. Unnecessary detail is detail that should be gone entirely. 1, it's boring, 2, it doesn't affect the story in any way.

The too much detail is boring, but it does affect the story because eyes are something that the character will have the entire story. Apple bottom jeans? Can't the character change? Exactly...

It's also the matter of specific info. We don't care that you got it for $40 bucks or where you got it. If you're wearing jeans, you're wearing jeans. Nothing new!

 

23. Hot Guys With Six Packs...

Yeah, no guy I know has abs. Flabs is more like it.

I'm in middle school, but my relative is in high school. The guys are all awkward and maybe 1 out of 600 has muscle. This doesn't freaking exist. Even the guys on the football team. Some of them are just big because of all the protection padding.

When you talk about six packs it makes me wonder whether you're talking about abdominal muscles, or beer. So, he has a six pack. He has a 12 pack. He has a 528343434345350383 pack!

Holy God, it's stupid! Muscles aren't something that should matter in a guy. The perfect guy? Not really going to happen. There isn't an Alex Pettyfer in every class! I'm telling you that now, teen girls...

And even if they have muscles, what makes you think they have a good face? It's a combination, isn't it? You have to have both cause if you're missing one, you won't get girls.

Oh please!

I'm done now! :)

 

24. Excessive Swearing...

This point isn't for me, it goes out to all the good girls/guys.

I remember when I used to get squeamish when people swore. Swearing in stories excessively is going to make people hate you. And F-Bomb every 12 chapters is ok, I mean you are a teen after all. But if you swear 35 times in 15 pages, that isn't right. It isn't right at all...

I kind of swear in my story, but I'm in the process of taking it out. Just because it makes people nervous and I want to be considerate.

Characters with excessive swearing can be written this way:

Instead of this: "Get your (F-Ing) (A**) the (F-Bomb) down here. Why do you have to be such a (F-ing) (B****)? You're so full of (S***) and I don't know why I give a (F-ing) (D***) about your (A**)" My father screamed at me.

Ok, that was scary. I don't swear that much... ever. I hope you don't feel nervous. I cut out all the bad words so they aren't exactly said. If you are, read this version:

My father was in a bad mood. He started screaming profanities at me and calling me not so nice things. They were words I never used and made me queasy. I wanted the nightmare to be over and the harsh offensive words to just be muted. When would the attack stop?

Was that better? I hope so because I feel so much better when I don't swear!

I'm starting to feel uncomfortable, so next please!

 

25. Incorrect Ratings...

On the other website I used for writing (wattpad) you can rate the story. Like PG and PG-13 and ever R. When people rate PG-13, I expect mind swearing and some fighting. Not what I usually get.

People, do s*x scenes count as PG-13. That is an R rating. This isn't 50 Shades of Grey, so I don't want to read that. Please change the ratings, dear God! I have been exposed to so many wrong stories, it isn't even funny.

I think I am permanently scarred thank you very much. Thank you people of Movellas for not letting s*x scenes be showed. Or if they are, I haven't seen anything.

And the worst is when a story is so good but there are unreasonable amounts of scenes that make me have to skip almost half the story. I just feel bad so that's really awful.

I'm not saying to get rid of the scenes. I'm just saying (this is what people do) make separate stories called Chapter __ Restricted. Or a story called the Restricted Chapters of (Story title here). It lets readers read the scenes as well as people like me reading just the story, clean!

 

Ok, I'm done!

I hope this didn't make you uncomfortable because that wasn't the intent. I just like this one and my hands hurt like the fiery infernos of H E double hockey sticks ;)

Buh Baii,

- Wennie Wen

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