Love

I am a directioner. A simple normal plain directioner. Or was. I was one of the millions of their fans who lived in a very small city which meant no meeting them for me. Or so I thought. I never expected this. Never. For my dreams to come true. To hurt someone I love while they did. Now I scream when am alone because I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this heart I've managed to break. This is my story. The story of how I came much more than a directioner.

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9. Betrayed love.

What have I done?

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I hear sounds. My eyes wont open. I hear yelling. My name. Over and over. Other jumbled words I can't make out. I hear desperation in people's voices. Calling me. I try to get back to push away from the fogginess that blurs my mind. To pull myself out of this daze. Izzy. Izzy. Izzy. "Niall....." I form the word and mutter it softly. It's hard but I manage to get it out. My eyes flutter open to find the beautiful face I betrayed. The wrong one. "Niall?" Zayn asks with a confused look. I see Niall on my other side as he winces with guilt. I said his name. I wasn't supposed too. "Niall. I was in a canoe. With Niall......" I try to cover up and hope it works. I attempt to sit up until my head is pounding with strong force. "Easy there." Zayn holds me and lays me back down on the floor of the living room. A sweatshirt has been placed under my head as a pillow. I inhale the scent of Niall. Niall. Niall's sweatshirt. He gave me his sweatshirt. I snap back to reality and try to recall what happened. I remember Niall's lips on my lips. Our bodies touching. And the cold sensation of water wrapped around me. Memories flash through my mind. Niall jumping in the water. Blacking out. I feel horrible. I need to talk to someone. "You okay?" Zayn asks. I look at him and say "I think so." I take a look at all the boys and they give me worried smiles. And I think I have a plan.

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I wake up in my bed. I recall Zayn carrying me upstairs. I remember changing into dry pajamas. Him helping me into bed and kissing me on the forehead. This is the time. I feel a lot better. I get up and go into the hall. This is the right thing to do. 1 door. Niall's door. I wonder if he's in there. I push the thought from my head. 2 doors. Harry's door. I stop at the third door. I take a deep breath in and knock twice. After a short moment Louis steps out in his pajamas. "Izzy?" "We need to talk." I brush past him and enter his room.

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"WHAT HAVE I DONE? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THE GULIT!" I scream in Louis' room. Thankfully the rooms are spaced out enough no one will hear me. Just in case I put the shower on to muffle my yells. I sit on his bed and bury my face in my hands. I begin to cry uncontrollably. "This isn't me," I sob. "I am not a cheater. I am not a horrible person. I....." Louis sits on the bed beside me and his arm around my back. "What happened Iz?" "Niall. I think I'm falling for him. He kissed me in the canoe. And I didn't stop him. I kissed back. And.......I liked it." saying it makes me cry harder. He looks at me with a pained look. "I thought this would happen. I saw you two at dinner. You need to talk to Niall. You can't let anything else happen between you two until you talk to Zayn." I look up and nod. He pulls me into his arms and whispers "It'll be alright."

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I take Zayn into the backyard saying I need to talk to him. We're on the patio and he grabs my hand. He starts walking and joking and I stop to face him. "Zayn. You know I love you. I love you a lot. But I have something I need to confess......." I look up into his big brown eyes his eyebrows knitted in confusion. "When I saw Niall at dinner I discovered I had feelings for him. Every time we looked at each other sparks flew. I told myself it was nothing. I pushed it away. I reminded myself how much I love you. But yesterday in the canoe he kissed me. And I can't keep living this lie-"

Zayn drops my hand. I look down at it.

"What are you trying to say?" I see his eyes clouded with tears. No he can't e doing this to me. "Are you........breaking up with me?" I look into his eyes and the look I wear gives him his answer. "I'm so sorry." I whisper before he walks back into the house slamming the door behind him.

I scream as loud as my heart lets me.

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That night I get my own room. I move my stuff into the guest room when Zayn is in the bathroom. In the middle of the night I am getting up to go to it when I hear crying coming from my room. My old room. Zayn's room. I run into my new room slip under the covers and cry. And cry. And cry. I feel someone slip in the bed with me. I bury my face in Niall's chest and continue to cry this never ending flow of tears. He holds me as I sob. And the whole time he whispers in my ear "I love you, I love you, I love you."

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