The Conviction

Awakening in a dark room, a man is confronted by a blue flame that guides him in this world he has fallen into.

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2. Rebirth

 

 I suddenly started falling as the floor under me gave way. I was falling into god knows what as it was pitch black. I wanted to faint. I wanted to escape where I was and just faint. Falling so fast was so intense I thought that my limbs would start breaking off. As if someone turned on a bright light in a dark room, the world around me was revealed. I was plummeting to a busy city with narrow streets and towering buildings. Wind blowing my tears behind me I got closer and closer to my demise. I couldn’t scream at all. To not be able to scream was like being burned and told not to move. About to smash into the concrete of the sidewalk I shut my eyes closed tight as if it would soften the impact. I felt my body abruptly stop falling. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed my body landed on the street while my head landed on a curb.

                 “A-Am I paralyzed?” I thought to myself fearing the worse. I moved my arms out from under me, then my legs. I slowly stood up and felt relieved that I was ok.

                 “How did I survive that?” I wondered while taking in my surroundings.

                 Looking around I noticed something strange. It was as if I was seeing the world through a heavy mist.  The sun was out in full force yet the city itself seemed very dimly lit.

                Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a group of people staring at me. Some were women who appeared to be dressed in business suits ready for work in a big company. Others where casually dressed men and children, even a few homeless people. From the lavishly dressed people of power to the lowest of human society and their rags, they all stared at me with the same empty eyes. Each of them carried their own abomination on their shoulders like the reflection of me in the window frame. Just the site of those things made me want to gouge my eyes out. The creatures on the people’s backs were whispering a strange tongue into their ears with strange clicks and exaggerated moans. Hearing this stung my ears. I didn’t understand why they let those things sit on them. Why act like a slave to those beasts. It was as if they couldn’t see the creatures on their backs. As I looked into the crowd I became terrified as I saw some of the people morphing into the beasts that stood on their backs. They arched their backs, talons ripping through the fingers and bladed teeth tearing through the lips. The eyes’ dilating to black was the worst. It was there that a human being was lost and a demon was born. The monstrosities then glared at me angrily. I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t move. They didn’t charge me, though; they just sat there and glared. Why am I here? Why is all of this happening to me? At that moment, a gust of wind blew through the city and thrust me up into the air. The wind continued to propel me up toward the sky leaving the city behind. I cried tears of joy that this wind saved me from that hell I was seeing. I kept flying upward till I passed the clouds and was suddenly sucked back into the darkness I used to enter that nightmarish place.

                I was back in the pitch black room. I felt the water underneath my back. I just lay there weeping. It was the worst, most terrifying experience of my life. Nothing in the world could compare to this fear that flooded my body. My mind was tormenting me with the images of those soulless people and their captors. I felt like I was crying for an eternity when a dim light started to shine behind me revealing some of the ocean floor. I quickly turned around and saw the blue flame floating there as it did when I first saw it. The floodgates of my heart burst open letting so many kinds of emotions flood my body. I couldn’t describe what exactly I felt, but it was a mixture of joy, fear and relief.  Like a child seeing their dad after a long time, I stumbled onto my feet and ran to the flame. I cupped it in my hands and held it close to me as I cried heavily. It was as if I became whole again, that the missing piece of me was found.  

                “Where did you go?” I yelled at the flame between sobs. “Why did you leave me?”

                After a silent pause I heard in my heart,” I never left you.”

                I saw myself hitting the street after falling and the angry glares of the morphed people flash in front of my eyes. Without the flame telling me, I knew it was the flame that protected me from the fall. It also stopped those creatures from attacking me. Never in my life have I cried so much.

                When I finally recovered, the flame then spoke to me,

                ” I needed to show you the reality that the world does not see.”

                I felt so small not understanding anything that was going on. As if looking over the questions in my head the flame began to explain,

                ” There are two worlds; the physical world that everyone can see and the spiritual world that you saw down in that city. The people you saw down there are the spirits of those in the physical world.” I took this in and asked about the creatures on the spirits backs.

                “Those creatures represent the wrong doings of the person, a person’s sin. It takes form of a creature that controls the person.”

                “How could they not know they are being controlled?”

                 The flame responded,” They become one with the sin and fail to see that. They think they are in control when in the spiritual world they are slaves.”

                 I thought about this and thought back to the window frame. That thing was on my spirit!

                “What about me?” I asked wanting to know and at the same time hoping the flame wouldn’t answer.

                “You are on a destructive path and I am here to change that. You have played around with your sin and are close to the edge.” It felt like I was in court and the judge was reviewing my crimes.

                “The lies you have spread to manipulate, the curses you placed on others with your words are the tools of your destruction.”

                 Immediately I saw parts of my life that reflected on what the flame said. Out of petty jealousy I whispered foul things to my rivals. Lying, curving my words to what they wanted to hear and then hung them up to dry as a fisherman does his catch.

                “But everyone lies! Everyone gets jealous!” I tried to explain my past actions.

                “There is no justifying the destruction of other people.” A wave of shame and guilt hit me. I knew I was wrong. Tears gathered in my eyes as I whispered,

                “What can I do to change?” The words barely passed my lips.

                “What is most simple is what people do not understand, or choose not to.” Stop. Stop? You can’t just stop!

                “Why can’t you stop?” Questioned the flame.

                 “I’m not sure.” I really had no idea why.

                “It’s because you love the sin. You love what it can do for you. Without it you are afraid you won’t be able to live the way you want anymore.” This struck the core of my being hard.

                 I felt such heavy conviction. The flame was right. I was afraid to let go.

                “Remember everything I have told you,” said the flame,” take it to heart and never let it go.”

                Without warning the room shook violently, then paused, then shook again.

                “What is going on?” I yelled terrified of what was to come.

                “Acknowledge my presence and I will be with you,” Another violent quake,” and when I am with you,” I focused on the flame pushing away what was happening around me,” you will not fall.”

                With this a great force launched me into the air and the flame instantly disappeared. As if gravity rejected me I continued to fly in the darkness. Foreign voices filled the room in frenzy. It was muffled and I could not make out what they were saying.

                “Clear!” screamed a voice.

                 My eyes bulged open when a shock was sent through my chest. I saw two blurry figures over me. A heavy wet cough erupted from my mouth allowing a path for the air around me to enter my lungs. I drew deep breaths, my chest heaving. I tried to lean forward but one of the figures put their hand on my forehead and pushed it back to the ground.

                “Sir you have just been in an accident, relax and stay down.”

                 I was so exhausted. I began to lose consciousness. The world slowly spun above me as everything faded to black.

                Beep. Beep. Beep. I slowly opened my eyes as light from outside flooded through a window to the left of the bed I was in. I was in a white gown of some sort and had an IV in my arm. The beeping was the heartbeat monitor. The door opened and a nurse came in placing a clipboard at the edge of my bed and smiled at me then left. The room was quiet, a peaceful quiet. I could hear birds chirping outside my window. I tried to sit up but was still too tired. I rested my head on the pillow allowing my body to relax. I sighed heavily. I was back in the world. I did not come back empty though. Now I had what was missing all my life. I had my conviction. I had my eyes opened to the truth. I can change.

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