Balancing Deviance: Land of Confusion

The first thing i say is "Think wizard of Oz... Okay it's nothing like that"

Balancing Deviance is the story where 19 year old Baz Campbell finds himself thrown into a fantasy world for no reason whatsoever after a car crash that he believes killed his friend Mary.

If that wasn't bad enough he is immediately accused of stealing a great magical & of course mysterious artefact punishable by death. So on the run Baz meets new friends to help derail his very often silly journey to get home.

Is Baz really in another world maybe dead, crazy, hallucinating or just plain old dreaming as he explores this new world where myth and fantasy isn't quite what he didn't read about in books & almost every question could be answered with magic.

This story is written in a script format, so be warned but it just means you will have you to use your imagination just a little bit more.

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3. Bounty

 FADE IN:

 

EXT. CITY STREETS ROOFTOPS - NIGHT

 

The hunter CONRAD stalks BAZ and TANYA from the rooftops.  Tanya moves stealthy between the houses sticking to the walls while Baz without a care follows her groaning in pain due to his broken nose for everyone to see as he stuffs tissues up it to stop the bleeding.

 

BAZ

Well I’ve had a fantastic welcome to your

world so far, I wonder what you lot do for

farewells -- Anally insert a tombstone in me?

 

TANYA

What part of escaping the city silently

don’t you get -- So quit your moaning.

 

BAZ

Well can I at least--

 

She hurls a large first aid box at Baz’s face from out of nowhere hurting him as he rubs it better.

 

TANYA

Just hurry & patch your self up.

 

Tanya fastens up her GULF bag suggesting where that 1st aid box came from baffling Baz on how it could’ve fit in there.  Tanya picks up a scent.

 

BAZ

What’s that thing a bloody Tardis--

What’s the matter?

 

TANYA

Can you not smell that?

 

Baz angrily points to his broken nose as Tanya looks up.

 

BAZ

HELLO BROKEN NOSE HERE!?!

 

TANYA

We’re being watched.

 

BAZ

Then why don’t they attack?

 

TANYA

I don't know, lets keep moving. 

 

They walk off with haste not seeing CONRAD still watching them from the rooftops but he is in no hurry to follow.

 

CONRAD

(To himself)

Pfft, that joke blew up the castle?

  No, he was just the diversion while she stole

the key but why does she look so familiar?

 

YOUNG TANYA (O.S)

(Flashback)

Get the hell outta my way!

 

He chuckles as he remembers all too clearly now.

 

CONRAD

This is now starting to get interesting yet

if I kill him now I won’t get the bonus

points of their elusive employer-- 

 

One of Conrad’s eyes GLARES.  He spots the Elf hunter.

 

CONRAD

Kenny, Kenny always rushing and never taking

the time to stop and look at the bigger picture.

 

Tanya and Baz are nowhere to be seen.  Conrad jumps down from the rooftops to the streets blocking KENNETH’S path.

 

KENNETH

Conrad you third rate of a hunter,

  you’ve been following me!

 

Conrad tries to ease the tension.

 

CONRAD

Wouldn't I need to be behind you to follow y--

  Look never mind, you head back I’ve got this one.

 

KENNETH

*laughs* You know you’re not a very good liar.

 

Frustrated Conrad puts his hand to his forehead & clenches his other fist while shaking his head.

 

CONRAD

(To himself)

Dammit, not this again.

 

KENNETH

Oh yea I’ve heard the stories when you were

back with the Grey’s guild.  What did you

call it again- a Droggin?

 

Conrad completely looses his cool cartoon style as he corrects the elf .

 

CONRAD

A Dragon!  A big huge bloody Dragon!  

Why won’t anyone take me seriously!?!

 

KENNETH

That’s cuz they ain’t real *laughs*.

 

CONRAD

How about I shoot that smile off your face?

 

Conrad readies himself as he reaches for his guns.

 

KENNETH

I gladly accept your stand-off -- Typical guild rules,

one gun, one shot on the count of three

& the winner takes the losers points.  

 

CONRAD

Let the better man win--

 

KENNETH

Elf!!!

 

CONRAD

Yea, whatever.

 

Kenneth puts his hand near to his gun holster by his waist.

 

KENNETH

One--

 

Conrad instantly whips out his six shooter & shoots Kenneth’s belt dropping his trousers along with his gun startling him as he scroungers for his gun.

 

KENNETH

Huh?

 

Conrad smiles as he then shoots Kenneth’s kneecaps dropping him to the ground.

 

KENNETH

You Son of a--

 

Conrad walks up slowly to Kenneth who still goes for his gun but Conrad shoots his at his hands.

 

KENNETH

AAARRGH!?!

 

CONRAD

Hey, hey keep it down, there

are children trying to sleep.

 

KENNETH

You fuckin cheat!

 

CONRAD

Cheat?  I never announced a stand-off & I never

agreed to yours but it was clear you were about

to shoot me -- Three times even, so what

I just did was merely self defence.

 

KENNETH

Bastard!

Conrad goes to his pockets digging.

 

CONRAD

Don’t worry, I’ll call for an ambulance--

Wait, you got any change?

 

Kenneth desperately fondles to get his wallet out but it is snatched away by Conrad’s bird.

 

CONRAD

Oh darn you just look at that, it’s just not you’re night is it?

You know what you just stay here & I’ll get help.  

 

KENNETH

I won’t forget this!

 

Conrad begins to walk off waving as Kenneth tries to bare his pain while grinding his teeth with hatred for Conrad.

 

CONRAD

Now, now don’t be modest I’m just doing what

any other law abiding citizen would do -- But just

in case I’m not back, I’ll see you at the Kotsee.

 

DISSOLVE TO:

 

EXT. TOWN MARKET - DAY

 

The streets are full people and the military presence is high, more blimps than last night are flying in the gloomy wet weather.  Baz and Tanya with their hoods up lay low at a food stall. Tanya stubs out her cigarette which Baz watches with envy as he tries to work his giant mobile phone.

 

BAZ

Couldn't I have the left over?

 

TANYA

Couldn’t you stop talking to your brick?

 

BAZ

I told you it’s a mobile phone

despite the size of it.

 

TANYA

No it’s a brick.

 

BAZ

It’s a magical brick then.

 

TANYA

You’re an idiot.

 

Baz searches his pockets thoroughly.

 

BAZ

Christ I know I had them on me last night.

*sigh* I need a smoke before I loose my mind.

 

TANYA

You’ve already lost that.

 

The stall guy hands them food that Tanya pays for.  Baz stares at the battered fried animal he can’t identify.

 

BAZ

What’s that?

 

TANYA

You really are clueless, eat up

this is the last time I’m being nice to you.

 

BAZ

You were being nice?

 

She bonks him on the head as if she was trying to fix him.

 

TANYA

Oh you forgot that too no surprise,

how do I fix you? 

 

BAZ

I’m fine, I just won’t eat that till

I know what the hell that is?

 

TANYA

Spickers, it’s nice.

 

BAZ

Anything with more than two eyes still attached

after cooking is not nice -- Typically freaky.

 

TANYA

Those aren’t eyes they’re--

 

BAZ

I don’t want to know.

 

Tanya just jams it in his mouth forcing him to bite & swallow before catching some air with disgust.

 

BAZ

If a bin had a soul I now

know how it must feel.  

 

TANYA

You smell like one too, the quicker I

escape from you & this city the better.

 

BAZ

What about the airport?

We can fly out or take the train?

 

TANYA

Hello stupid!  No money, no food, no home,

NO cigarettes.  We need to lay low if we

can and wait for the heat to cool off.

 

BAZ

Well let’s be stowaways then?

 

TANYA

Would you like to think this through again

where we don’t starve or get captured?

 

BAZ

So what you suggesting,

I become your pimp or what?

 

Tanya grabs his nipple and twists it with rage.

 

TANYA

If anyone is gonna be making any

money it will be you!  I just said I’ve

lost everything didn’t I?

 

BAZ

O-Okay!  I’m sure prostitution was

a well respected and glamorous

lifestyle to leave behind.

 

She does one last big twist making him go PARALYTIC, she lets go and turns her back against him.

 

TANYA

It paid for enough food and

shelter but who will hire someone

braindead as you or a deviant--

 

THUNDER is heard as it starts to rain heavy soaking Tanya putting her in a more miserable mood.  A POSTER floats down in front of Baz that he grabs & reads ignoring Tanya as she sits against a wall muttering to her self.

 

TANYA

This is not happening, peace & quiet

is all I’ve ever asked for not

 some castle hating pyromaniac. 

 

BAZ

Hey, what about this?

 

Baz shows her the poster.

 

TANYA

What, work in the mines?  That’s as good

as being enslaved or be thrown in the Kotsee.

 

BAZ

I’m gonna take a wild guess

that last one involves death?

 

TANYA

I don’t want to be around all

them smelly Ogres okay!

 

BAZ

Wait Ogres exist?

 

Tanya resists from hurting him.

 

BAZ

A stupid question.

 

TANYA

Besides you wouldn’t last an hour with them

especially with the whole Ogres being

enslaved touchy subject thing by man.

 

BAZ

How touchy?

 

TANYA

The last guy who went in there to subdue a riot

had his arms ripped off & shoved up his

arse to be made into a meat chair.

 

BAZ

I can’t really see that working.

 

TANYA

It didn’t need to, Roka threatened his slave

master for freedom or he’d make his masters

death an artistic one, his master reluctantly

agreed & he still made a chair out of him.

 

BAZ

But look I’m talking about this part,

hunting dwarfs for a huge reward,

food & shelter for free & like you said

no one will look for us if we’re in the mines.

 

TANYA

They put that in the ad for the dumb schmucks,

we wouldn’t be able to kill them let alone find them.

 

BAZ

So what we’ll do a crap job & wait for the heat

to cool down either way it’s us off the streets

& you can start your life again --

That’s what you want isn’t it?

 

Tanya thinks about but notices a bird in the sky circling them reminding her that they are being watched.

 

TANYA

Fine!  But you do all the work.

 

BAZ

Deal and you will give me a smoke?

 

TANYA

No deal.

 

BAZ

ARGH!  So cruel.

 

Conrad up on the rooftops again watches the two discuss their plan.

 

DISSOLVE TO:

 

EXT. MINE HOLE - AFTERNOON

 

A BIRD is flying over the desolated mine-hole.  At the bottom there is nothing but rusted machinery.  A few barren factories, plus offices and huts not in mint condition.

There is a large lake inside the Mine hole filled with the black polluted rain water with many smaller ponds made by the mining.  Tanya and Baz walk to the front gates to the mines.  Tanya holds her nose due to the thick pollution.

 

OGRE GUARD

Wo goez fere?

 

BAZ

Um we’ve come to hunt Dwarfs.

 

The gates open and they carry on walking till they reach an opening to the mine which is literally a hole in a wall.

 

BAZ

Well that was easy.

 

TANYA

Yea about your brilliant plan, you still

not told me how you’re going to survive?

 

BAZ

What?  I thought you were exaggerating?

  They wouldn’t kill their masters -- Would they?

 

TANYA

Not like anyone knows you’re here.

 

All the Ogre miners stare with hate as they walk past till they find the intimidating Warden as Baz begins to worry.

 

BAZ

Ah, shit.

 

OGRE WARDEN

Wat do we ave ere, two Umanz.

  Ya know we don’t like Umanz ere.

 

TANYA

Let me handle this.

 

Tanya takes off her hood and shows her ears & tail.

 

OGRE WARDEN

And wat about you fen?

 

BAZ

Me um, I’m not a human if

that’s what you’re thinking?

 

OGRE WARDEN

Ha-ha you could ad fooled me,

I’m gonna ave a blazt wif you.

 

Grinning he’s ready to make work out of him, worrying Baz.

 

TANYA

He’s a snub.

 

The warden jumps back a second giving Baz a second look.

 

OGRE WARDEN

Wut!?!

 

TANYA

Cursed of course.

 

OGRE WARDEN

Ya I can zee fe featurez now, ezpecially on fe wiffa.

  Well I betta let you in.  take fe lift and

azk for Forna ze know wat to do wif ya.

 

The Ogre warden lets them past the gate afraid of Baz. 

 

BAZ

What’s a Snub?

 

TANYA

Not telling you.

 

BAZ

You like torturing me, don’t you?

 

Tanya pokes out her tongue at Baz.  They enter the lift and start the decent.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. MINE HOLE - SUNSET

 

At the top edge of the mine-hole the bird swoops down and lands on Conrad’s arm, he has a vantage point of the mines.

 

CONRAD

I’m surprised he got in without a fight

must’ve been a special arrangement *yawn*

Roka must’ve predicted this & be hiding inside

waiting for them & I can’t let him take all the points.

 

Conrad’s Gauntlet on his wrist fires a spike attached by a rope into the ground and jumps off the cliff face edge, as he has huge distance to cover to catch up to Baz and Tanya. 

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MAIN MINE CHAMBER - NIGHT

 

Once Baz’s and Tanya’s lift reaches the bottom they witness a hollowed out worksite where mine carts moving in and out of the mineshafts.  A market place with a pub is its own community away from the human and elf world.

There is already a fight breaking out as Baz reads a sign that says, “hours since last accident” set to zero and another sign saying “hours since fights broke out” to zero. Baz goes up to an Ogre watching a fight.

 

BAZ

Excuse me, excuse me?  

Do you know where we can find Forna?

 

Everyone goes silent.

 

TANYA

First impressions are very important, go get them.

 

Tanya pushes a scared Baz forward. 

 

BAZ

Oh crap ugh.  We’re here to see Forna?

 

OGRE

Forna.  FORNA!!!

 

FORNA (O.S)

WAT!?!

 

OGRE

MORE BAGZ OF BONEZ FOR YA!

 

Heavy foot steps are heard from a distance as a giant emerges from the shadows.

 

BAZ

I’m not looking forward to her first impression.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MINE BAR - NIGHT

 

The Bar is your standard except from all the fighting the Ogres do, there’s still SCORCH marks and pick axes left there for effect of previous fights and a few limbs used to stop the tables from wobbling.

Tanya and Baz are being served food by Forna who you never see her head because she’s so tall, the stew looks disgusting but to Tanya it’s a nicer smell.  Baz is too busy looking up at Forna while she smokes a cigar that he desperately wants.

 

BAZ

Smells nice.

 

TANYA

Yea the first decent smell we’ve had all day.

 

Baz kicks Tanya in the leg.

 

TANYA

Other than your self I mean.

 

FORNA

Blezz ya darlin.  Ya know, I once

ad a pet fat looked juzt like you.

 

TANYA

Oh really, that’s nice.

 

FORNA

Neva knew were fe went off too.

broke me ‘eart fe fucka did.

 

She stands up and turns around and you see a FLATTEN CAT stuck to her bum, she sits down again after getting a baby ogre and starts to breast feed it.  They try to look away disgusted.

 

FORNA

zo you’re a znub are you?

 

BAZ

Apparently.

 

FORNA

I can zee te zimilaritiez.

 

Annoying Baz.

 

BAZ

So what does this dwarf look like then?

Short and beardy right?

 

FORNA

*laughs* ya cud call it a beard but

ya know wen ya zee one but to be

onezt we’ve not ad one for a good wile,

I will zend one of my boyz wifya tomorrow.

 

TANYA

Oh thank you.

 

FORNA

I would make ya two a bed, but I’ve only got zome pillowz

and zeetz for ya for now, az I’ve been fornicating so muc lately,

need to keep up fe numberz and zo zheetz don’t clean

fem zelves and wif all fese fightz but boyz will be boyz.

 

BAZ

(Whispers to Tanya)

What’s fornicating?  I’m too freaked to remember?

 

TANYA

Same here just keep on smiling.

 

FORNA

Are you two fornicating?

 

BAZ

Uh, not so much these days, we would

like to more often but you know how it is.

 

FORNA

I know ow it can be troublezome, ezpecially

wif fe boyz but tomorrow I will ave your bedz

ready so maybe we can fornicate zome time togefa.

 

TANYA

Sure we would love - to?

 

FORNA

Good, oh fere’z Razkill,

I will zee you twoz tomorrow.

 

BAZ

Good night.

 

TANYA

Thanks for the food?

 

BAZ

cud I have one of those, please?

 

Forna holds the cigar to her face.

 

FORNA

zure.

 

Forna throws Baz a nearby rotten apple and leaves.

 

BAZ

She does love to say fornicate a lot,

I’m sure I’ve heard it somewhere before.

 

TANYA

I’m sure it’s nothing important, 

otherwise we would hear it all the time. 

 

Tanya takes both pillows and shoves Baz off the bench.

 

TANYA

Night.

 

BAZ

Hey!

 

TANYA

You owe me.

 

BAZ

How could I forget?

 

Tanya goes to sleep on the bench leaving Baz to attempt to steal her cigarettes but her claws come out giving a clear don’t you dare message to him.  Baz decides to wonder off in search for cigarettes.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. MINE HOLE - NIGHT

 

Conrad is surrounded by Ogre miners armed with their tools. 

 

OGRE WARDEN

Now don’t tell me you’re not a

Znub azwell wantin dwarfzees?

 

CONRAD

How many points is it for disruptive slaves again?

 

One Ogre approaches Conrad about to put a finger on him but with a blink of an eye his hand is sliced off.  The handless Ogre is somewhat bemused to the sudden event.

 

OGRE

Huh?

 

CONRAD

I asked a question or maybe you didn’t hear me?

 

OGRE WARDEN

Letim ave it boyz!

 

The Ogres attack with rage, sledge hammers, chains and pick axes all at once.  Conrad weaves & parries knowing blocking their misdirected strength is a bad move.  Waiting for an opening from their sluggish brutal fighting style he dismembers and puts decorative holes in them with his chain sword and sawn off shotgun.

To Conrad they are slow and predictable as he takes on the ten soon to be zero Ogres.  In a cluster fuck of mayhem one by one they drop dead to his skill leaving him covered in blood as he tries to wipe it off looking at the deceased.

 

CONRAD

I can’t say much for you guys but luckily

for me I have a discount at the laundrette.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MINES - NIGHT

 

Baz is at the cigarette vending machine drooling pressing buttons to hope the machine will be charitable.  An ogre walks up behind him.

 

ROKA

Let me elp ya & give ya a ead ztart.

 

BAZ

Ah than--

 

The ogre grabs his head & smashes it into the glass.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MINES BAR - NIGHT

 

Tanya is asleep holding her cigarettes tightly encase Baz tries to steal again but a few taps to her head wakes her, without looking she tries to go back to sleep.

 

TANYA

No you can’t have any smokes Baz go back to bed.

 

A few more taps on the head.

 

TANYA

No you can’t have the spare pillow either.

 

HARDER taps this time pissing her off.

 

TANYA

For the last time Baz if you want my sympathy 

you will find it between shit & syphilis-- 

 

Conrad wearing a bandana across his face covers Tanya’s mouth his hand after she sees the GUN pointing directly at her head, she plays smart & doesn’t try to make any noise.

 

CONRAD

(Whispers)

Shush, where is your little friend?

 

She quickly assumes that Conrad is the hunter after Baz as he lets her talk.

 

TANYA

Great, he abandoned me too, the story of my--

 

He pulls her up & forces her hands behind her back twisting her arm with pain & taps her temple with the gun.

 

CONRAD

I said shush or you’ll become

the definition of silence is golden.

 

TANYA

I don’t know where that git went.

 

CONRAD

I’m going to take a wild guess

that you’ve got heighten smell? 

 

Conrad twists her arm some more.

 

TANYA

Ow y-yes.

 

CONRAD

Can you find him?

 

TANYA

Does it look like I have a choice?

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MINE LIFT - NIGHT

 

Roka with a bloody faced Baz over his shoulder with his package on his back, he walks into the lift and shuts the gate and presses the button to go up.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MINES - NIGHT

 

Conrad with a handcuffed Tanya pushes her along.

 

CONRAD

Keep moving.

 

TANYA

Hmph, so let me take a quick guess you

became a Hunter because your parents

were slaughtered by Deviants and you

was left horribly scarred & that’s why

you cover your face am I right?

 

CONRAD

Wow, I didn’t know we hunters could be so

stereotyped but my family is fine thanks for

mentioning, in fact you may have heard of them.

 

TANYA

I’m not very big into the whole hunter’s thing. 

 

CONRAD

Oh & the bandana, you of all things

should know how bad these mines smell let

alone the pollution in this city.

 

She’s reminded from earlier of when she felt being watched.

 

TANYA

It was you then that I smelt

earlier today -- With that bird?

 

CONRAD

Ah you noticed my familiar, they don't come cheap --

Or legal but don’t worry I’m not going to kill you unless

you give me reason to but hopefully not till I get what

I want from you in the long run like your friend.

 

TANYA

Thank you for your compassion but he’s not

my friend!  He’s the reason why I’m in this mess! 

 

CONRAD

Has he mentioned of a forbidden key to you?

 

TANYA

A what, no?  I don’t even know why you

are after him he’s harmless like he could blow

up that castle.  He’s just a weirdo - a nutcase.

 

CONRAD

A nutcase with the forbidden key

do you even know what that means?

 

TANYA

No?

 

CONRAD

Neither do I but it can’t be good.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. MINE HOLE SURFACE - NIGHT

 

The lift arrives at the top, Roka sees all the Ogre guards dead in their own blood & chunks from Conrad’s handy work.  Roka drops Baz on some derelict and searches his pockets looking for the FORBIDDEN KEY without success.

 

BAZ

(Asleep)

Hey I’m ticklish.

 

ROKA

Were iz it!

 

He violently shakes Baz awake.

 

BAZ

(Asleep)

Hmm, no I don’t want to buy a

conservatory, wrong number.

 

Roka flicks Baz’s face, feeling like a PUNCH it wakes him.  Opening his eyes Baz is freaked out as the angry Ogre breathes heavily on him.

 

BAZ

Please tell me I didn’t sleep walk into your bed?

 

ROKA

Were iz fe Forbidden key!?!

 

BAZ

Uh -- My key -- sorry dude but that’s

staying forbidden, I don’t swing that way.

 

Roka rips open that leather tied package revealing a Gatling gun he happily pokes in Baz’s face.

 

BAZ

*Gulp* I’m glad to see you’re not the pillow talk type

but a quick question you’re not Roka are you?

 

ROKA

WERE IZ FE KEY YOU ZTOLE FROM DE CAZTLE!!!

 

Baz finally remembers what Roka is talking about becoming scared stiff.

 

BAZ

*chuckle* Oh that key --

Gee funny story, I lost it - whoops.

 

ROKA

ARGH!!!

 

Roka unleashes the Gatling gun on a rock decimating it.  Milk bottle sized empty cartridges exiting the Gatling gun bounce off Baz’s head, he tries to shield himself.  A BIRD is circling them in the sky.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MINE LIFT - NIGHT (MOVING)

 

Conrad and Tanya are in the lift together heading up to the surface.  He stares at her.

 

TANYA

What’s your problem now?

 

CONRAD

You don’t remember me do you?

 

TANYA

Maybe if you took off your bandanna I could

still say no I don’t befriend murdering hunters.

 

They both hear the gunfire at top, Conrad gets out some more HANDCUFFS & chains her to the lift.

 

TANYA

What you doing?

 

CONRAD

There’s Gunfire above so I want you in mint

condition before my very informal interrogation.

 

TANYA

Wait, I smell something else up there.

 

CONRAD

Those even more smelly Ogre

corpses I wasted no doubt.

 

TANYA

No it’s--

 

CONRAD

Shush, this won’t take long.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. MINE HOLE SURFACE - NIGHT

 

Baz looks at the used to be a rock that is smoking.

 

BAZ

Did I say lost?  I meant I buried it -- Yea,

I was gonna come back after all this blew over.

 

ROKA

Where!

 

BAZ

50 paces east, I swear -- Wait,

you do have east here don’t you?

 

BAZ

Don’t move or I’ll--

 

BAZ

Yea, yea, you’ll kill me -- Unless

there is something worse than--

Actually please don’t answer that.

 

Roka walks away Baz checks if the close is clear.

 

BAZ

Sucker.

 

Baz gets up to run but he hits something invisible bouncing off as he falls on his arse.

 

BAZ

Ow, what the hell?

 

He crawls backwards to get some space, he sees a rock and throws it where he bumped into, nothing happens.

 

BAZ

Odd?

 

He gets up again and begins to run but something has grabbed his collar from behind and pulls him back to the ground, Baz looks back at the Ogre and he is still walking where he sent him.

 

BAZ

Okay?  Let’s learn to crawl first?

 

Crawling slowly but then a huge weight on his back crushes him flat into the ground.

 

BAZ

*GAH* Fuck!

 

EXT. MINE HOLE SURFACE LIFT - NIGHT

 

The lift arrives, Conrad runs off into cover.  Tanya sees all of the DESTRUCTION then Baz's face planted in the dirt.  

 

TANYA

Wow, you really know how to

show a girl a good time don’t you?

 

BAZ

Uh, a little help, I can't move -- Uh please?

 

TANYA

Oh I’m sorry.  I’m a little chained up at the moment!

 

Conrad moves from cover to cover passing Baz just when all of a sudden the great weight is lifted off Baz. 

 

BAZ

What the?  I'm free!

 

He gets up and puts his back to the rock and slowly tries to make his way to Tanya shouting.

 

TANYA

*sigh* Where did that bastard hunter go?

 

BAZ

I sent him walkies.

 

TANYA

The other hunter, they are

competing for you for some key!

 

BAZ

Oh yea I might have forgotten to mention that

other than they think I blew up a castle but they

also think I’ve stolen some kind of magical key.

 It all started with that prince dude in the

castle when I arrived from my world--

 

TANYA

The prince!?!  Is there anything

else you need to be telling me!

 

BAZ

Uhhh, nope that’s all of it -- except--

No you don’t want to know that.

 

Tanya TRANSFORMS into her cat form freeing her from the handcuffs, she emerges from her clothes on the floor and transforms back. 

 

TANYA

No peeking!

 

Baz SKIDS stopping dead to cover his eyes from a NAKED Tanya.  She then hurries to put her clothes back on.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE LAKE - NIGHT

 

Conrad is sneaking up behind ROKA who is trying to dig up the key in the shallow water of the polluted lake.  Conrad gets ready to take aim behind his head.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE SURFACE LIFT - NIGHT

 

A GUNSHOT whistles past Baz’s and Tanya’s head destroying the CONTROLS to the lift.

 

BAZ

Balls!

 

EXT. MINE HOLE LAKE - NIGHT

 

That gunshot ECHO’S in the mine hole.  Roka hears it and turns to see Conrad.  An awkward moment between the two as his surprise is blown.  Conrad doesn’t hesitate and SHOOTS with both pistols but it’s given Roka enough time to grab his Gatling gun which underneath turns into a SHIELD blocking Conrad’s bullets.

Twelve bullets later Roka doesn’t give Conrad any time to reload and goes to BELT him with his shield. Conrad back flips out of harms way.  Roka gun spits an inferno of bullets.  Conrad’s gauntlet activates as it shoots a GRAPPLING HOOK to evade the gunfire.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE LAKE - NIGHT

 

The ROAR of bullets follows Conrad to the rooftops of an abandon building.  Conrad sprints just keeping ahead of the annihilation behind him.  The building begins collapse into SPLINTERS but Conrad manages to hook to a massive derelict mining machine.  Roka changes his ammo box.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE SURFACE LIFT - NIGHT

 

Baz is trying everything he can at the lift controls.

 

BAZ

Should we run for it?

 

TANYA

Do you think you can outrun a bullet?

 

BAZ

We need to alert the Ogres.

 

TANYA

How?  They’re thousands of metres below us.

 

Baz looks at the lift again and finds a fire drill.  He SLAMS the button.

 

TANYA

Great so how are they gonna get up here?

 

BAZ

Shush.

 

They hear the spinning of Roka’s Gatling gun.  The two look at each other knowing what is to happen next.  Roka opens fire as the two run pass huts that become slashed by the bullets as it sweeps across chasing them.

The bullets are catching up so they both dive into a metal mine cart, the bullets zone in on the cart taking a bounding that sends it hurtling, spinning & skidding across the ground to hit the side of a cliff face.  Baz & Tanya slowly get out dizzy to immediately fall over.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE, DERELICT MACHINE - NIGHT

 

On the 30ft tall machine, Conrad tries to rest but a SNIPER round brushes past his cheek.  Before a second shot can be fired Conrad is already on the move.  Running along the deck, the sniper eventually HITS Conrad in the shoulder as he breaks down a door and into cover. 

His eye GLARES and all of a sudden he’s got a bird’s eye view of the battlefield, after confirming where Roka is he scourers to find the snipers position.

 

CONRAD

There’s Roka but where’s the sniper?

Why didn’t the Familiar see him?

So that’s what she was talking about?

Come on, come on where are you.

 

For a brief moment MUZZLE fire is seen hitting the bird in the sky circling the battlefield, it DISSIPATES in a black mixed golden mist.

 

CONRAD

ARRRGH!!!

 

The FAMILIAR gone leaves him with surging PAIN in his right eye, the price of a linked partnership for an extra sense.  Conrad puts pressure on his WOUND as blood pours through his fingers from his eye.  Quickly he drinks a POTION from his belt that stops the bleeding in a near instant.

 

CONRAD

GAH!!!

 

Panting an elemental fire from the potion burns away any remaining blood into steam.  Conrad removes his hand from his eye and a puff of smoke breaks loose from the socket.  The potion has VULCANISED his wound sealing it shut but the pain is still present but no choice to but ignore it while he reloads. 

 

CONRAD

That’s why I couldn’t see him.  That bastard lizard is

a long, long way from getting his corpse shipped home.

 

Roka shoots random bursts to intimidate him.

 

ROKA

Come out!  Come out!

 

Conrad stuck he looks around planning what to do next but he stalls for time.

 

CONRAD

Tell me Roka, I would ask this directly but

seeing Cameos are deaf and dumb

what’s its name?  So I know what to

write on its tombstone next to yours?

 

ROKA

Wendy.

 

CONRAD

What a lovely name.

 

Roka keeps up the burst fire, getting louder and louder as he approaches Conrad who looks in his DEVIANT GUIDE.

 

ROKA

Ow nice of ya dead meat.

 

CONRAD

I have to thank you as I’ve never fought

a Cameo before so it’s the least I can do.

 

Conrad finds Cameo’s in the book it reads “The Cameo cannot blend into any background that isn’t static, constant changes of light, smoke, even fast or a lot of movement behind it as it’s too complicated for the Cameo to mimic”  Notes written on the page suggests “Or you can get it dirty or wet if you want to make it easy little brother”.

 

CONRAD

Nah, I prefer hard.

 

ROKA

Fink ya can kill uz fat eazily?

 

Conrad sees the PHOENIX flying by minding its own business.

 

CONRAD

Well yea.

 

He shoots the Phoenix which EXPLODES flooding the environment with light and raining fire, ruining the Cameo’s camouflage.  The fires burn bright and ferocious.  WENDY is still using her original camouflage of the darken Mine hole despite the fires constantly flickering making her stand out. 

 

CONRAD

There you are!

 

Wendy stops using her camouflage reverting back to her normal colours of a colourful Lizard but mainly black to reflect her now pissed off mood.  NAKED except for an ammo belt, she’s a biped with a tail and spikes for hair; three horns with large eyes on the side of it’s head only dwarfed by its enormous mouth. 

She runs for cover shooting at Conrad as does he.  Conrad hears a thud but he can’t see where it’s coming from till he finds a GRENADE resting between his legs counting down.

 

CONRAD

OOOOHHHH SHHHIIIITTT!!!!!

 

Conrad exits from the derelict machine.  He LEAPS off as a portion of the machine EXPLODES breaking off the crane holding the giant buzz saw with Roka underneath it.

 

ROKA

Ah zhit!

 

Roka lifts up his Gatling gun and deploys the shield but the Buzz saw CUTS clean through the gun and him in half.  Face planted into the ground he gets up, his Gauntlet has been DAMAGED in the fall.  He looks what’s left of Roka.

 

CONRAD

Sorry you had to--

Ooh finders keepers!

 

Conrad STRUGGLES to pick up the gun despite majority of the gun barrels are cut clean off.  To him lifting this gun is like lifting up the sword in the stone.  Distracted for too long Conrad remembers about WENDY, he lifts the now MINI GUN and spins to look behind him with the trigger already pulled hoping for the best.

He sees Wendy up in the air ready to attack but the guns new look has ruined its accuracy MISSING her and the sheer strength of recoil makes him loose control of his aim.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE CLIFF FACE - NIGHT

 

Tanya and Baz hit the deck as the bullets end skyward hitting against the cliff face of the mine hole.  Chunks of rock break off and drop down where they are at.  Tanya still dizzy doesn’t even know what is going on as Baz regains his footing & witnesses the destruction about to land on top of her.

 

BAZ

Watch out!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. FIAT PANDA - NIGHT (MOVING)

 

 

Baz has a brief flashback before the crash as the light blinds him from the truck he tries to grab the wheel & steer the car away before getting hit.

 

BAZ

MARY!!!

CUT TO:

 

EXT. MINE HOLE CLIFF FACE - NIGHT

 

Baz PUSHES Tanya out of the way saving her life, she hits the ground and looks back amazed and shocked at the rubble.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE BUZZSAW - NIGHT

 

Wendy lands and takes a swipe with her CLAWS, Conrad sluggishly uses the Mini gun to block & deflect the attack.  Conrad goes for luck again with the Mini gun but she jumps and clings to a wall.  Braced for the recoil this time it pushes Conrad back 10 meters till he runs out of ammo.

Going for the next best thing he grabs a pump action shotgun from his gulf bag.  On the wall Wendy break dances vertically avoiding the slugs.  Wendy opens her mouth and shoots out her TONGUE.  So quick Conrad didn’t even see it coming as it SMACKS him clean off his feet letting go of the gun. 

He flips back on to his feet and charges knowing he can’t win at distance.  He sees her going into a stance to ready to shoot out the tongue again.  Conrad power slides dodging it while whipping out a CHAINSWORD called the “Tickler”.

In a brief moment he SLICES the tongue off, getting back up in front of Wendy he lunges and STABS her in the EYE.  She would drop off the wall but she’s now stuck there dangling. 

 

CONRAD

An eye for an eye.

 

EXT. MINE HOLE CLIFF FACE - NIGHT

 

Tanya frantically tries to see if her saviour is alive.

 

TANYA

BAZ!?!  BAZ!?!

 

She tries to roll the boulder over to get through.

 

BAZ

OOOOOWWWWWWwwwwwww 

You just rolled it further onto my foot bitch!

 

TANYA

Don't scare me like that! 

Why didn’t you say anything?

 

BAZ

I was screaming in pain for so long

I lost my voice, I only just caught my

breath back but I’m very much still in pain.

 

Ogre’s appear from another hole in the wall not far from them ready to bust some heads.

 

FORNA

Ello iz anyone fere?

 

TANYA

Over here!  Baz needs help!

 

Ogres roll the boulder off Baz’s foot; he jumps up and down in pain with a CRUSHED foot, Tanya tries to stabilise him. 

 

BAZ

You alright?

 

TANYA

I can’t believe you did-- 

Thanks, you’re not so bad after all.

 

She awkwardly gives him a hug.

 

BAZ

You mean you’ll give me a smoke?

 

TANYA

No. 

 

Baz bursts down in tears on his back holding his foot up.

 

BAZ

You’re so evil!

 

TANYA

I’m much nicer once you

get to know me honest.

 

BAZ

Cud you start by getting me some booze,

please I’m dyin for a pint!

 

TANYA

I’ll see what I can do.

 

FORNA

Ya look like ya two ad fun.

 

TANYA

How did you get up here?

 

FORNA

fe ztairz?

 

TANYA

Oh.

 

Baz looks and sees the stairs sign, written as “ztairz”.

 

BAZ

What?  I can’t read Ogre?

 

FORNA

Now we’ve found ya letz go.

 

TANYA

What about the hunter?

 

Conrad sees the hundreds of Orks surrounding him waiting to get a taste of his blood as they grin.

 

FORNA

We take care of our own,

E won’t lazt very long --

Zave te ribz for me boyz 

 

They head down back the stairs as Baz starts to hop down & milk Tanya’s appreciation.

 

TANYA

You know what two pillows are a

bit much for me, you can have one.

 

BAZ

Can I have the big one?

 

TANYA

Sure.

 

All the Ogre’s charge at the pleased but tired Conrad.

 

CONRAD

I wish my brother could see this -- Bring it!

 

TO BE CONTINUED

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