Buried Deep

Blades, scars, self hatred, suicide. These are things that Alexandria thinks about all the time. Shes Anorexic and she cuts. Only one thing can drive a person to this point. Bullying.

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4. A New Finding

 ***** REAL TIME*******

I was wandering through the hall. Bored as usual. I was skipping class for the third time this week. I hated math. I didn't understand it. All the kids in my class hated me. They made fun of me. A few of the guys in my class would follow me home. They would beat me up. I came home with a black eye or bloody lip at first. It got bad recently. They would hurt me so bad I'd come home with blood soaked through my shirt. I stopped showing my mom. I didn't want things to get worse than they are. I started burning myself. I know its gross but it makes me feel like im in control of it for once. They blister pretty good. It stopped hurting it all feels numb. I feel empty. I wish I was gone. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't take it. My plan is to commit with pills. I can't pull the trigger of a gun on myself. I can't wait for it to be over. By this time the bell is about to ring. When it does a girl runs into me. She grabs her stuff, mumbles a quick sorry, and runs. I see a leather notebook that says Alexandria in gold letters on the front. I try to find her but can't. I put the notebook in my bookbag. I run home to avoid the guys. Unfortunally they find me and beat me up. Its not that bad. Black eye and bloodly lip, swollen ankle, maybe a few bruises on my sides from being kicked. I sigh and pick myself up from the ground. I limp home. I grab ice and head to my room. I put on some Ed Sheeran. I calm down and smile. Small Bump comes on and I sigh. It reminds me of last year. When mom and dad were still together. That all changed when mom got pregnant. Everyone was excited. We found out it would be a little girl. They decided to name her Issabella. When mom was five months pregnant the doctor did a check and found out that the baby was gone. Little Issabella was gone. I remember crying and feeling lost. My mom took it the hardest. She was convinced it was her fault. My dad got so upset he went away. About three miles from home he was in a wreck. Hit by a drunk driver. He died three hours later. I lost it. I holed myself up and pushed the world away. Mom was crying non-stop. One day she just became strong. Got over it. She took care of me. I've never gotten over it. The mention of a unborn baby makes me tear up. Anyway, I get my ankle to stop swelling. I go to sleep not ready to face the world in the morning.

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