Last Thoughts

This is a short story about a girl with a plan, a plan to die tonight. It is the girls last and final time to collect all the memories she can before they're all gone. It a story of her inner struggle between all the crap that has happened to her and the thoughts of leaving her loved ones behind.

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1. Time

I sit looking at the clock anxiously. I rube my sweaty palms off on my jeans, these last hours are excruciating. My head is buzzing with anticipation and nerves. My list of thing I want to do on my last day isn’t even close to complete, I guess I’ve just been distracted. My list has been building up for the last two months it has been hard  trying to conjure up the feelings I am going to soon let go of. A loud ringing sound jolts me out my thought, second period is over and it’s time for lunch. I stop at my locker and my boyfriend is waiting for me. When I walk up to him I am soon comforted by a warm embrace and a kiss. Andrew is amazing and sweet we met about a year ago just a little bit away from this point in the girl’s bathroom.

It was the middle of winter and I was walking into the school almost in tears. I pass by a warm eyed, brown haired boy. He looks at me as I pass by, face half covered by my books. I stumbled into the bathroom  and began to sob. I guess I was loud because there was a knock and the door of the bathroom within seconds. A soft comforting voice whispered from outside “Are you okay in there” he said his voice sounding as sweet as the cool breeze is in the beginning of summer. “I’m fine” I say trying to hold back my sobs.

 Why I was crying you may ask, well when I was thirteen I became friends with this bitchy girl named Carolina. When we moved into high school she made us super popular her outgoing, flirtatious attitude landed her lots of guys and quote on quote a “posy” of girls who followed our every move and did whatever we wanted. Well, I was heading to the cafeteria to meet up with Car and the rest of the group when I passed by James,  who was Car’s boyfriend for the last month, he was flirting and nuzzling a girl from his chemistry class. I try not to make eye contact with him because if he knew I saw him cheating on Car he would defiantly force me not to tell her but, I have to I can’t let her continue to see this jackass. I turn the corner muttering to myself how thankful I am he didn’t see me. Well, I shouldn’t of jinxed it, I feel a tug on my arm pulling me outside. James slamed me against a wall. I hit my head, hard black dots began to appear in my vision. James is staring me right in my eyes which aren’t pleasant it feels like he is staring straight into my soul and killing it. He smirks his smile stretching from one side of his face to another. “So, did you see anything in the halls that was interesting to you” he practically spat the words out. Wow, this boy was discussing. “All I saw was a bastard cheating on his girlfriend with some slut” I regretted the words I spoke them and he agreed with me, “You shouldn’t have said that”. He places both arms on either side of me inclosing me in shadow. “You really are beautiful, aren’t you” he says brushing a piece of my hair back.

 I shiver, never wanting him to be this close to me, he is scum he has cheated on every one of his girlfriends and Car knew that I don’t know why she still dated him. He moved his had onto from my head down to my neck and he pulls me forward, moving forward himself he kisses my neck. I try to make his stop I punch his stomach but he doesn’t hinder from moving his hand down to cup my ass. I try again to brake free but his strength overpowered me. I yell but  no one hears me since we’re at the back of the school where it is always deserted. He proceeds to slip off my shirt. I struggle but it’s no use. I go back into the school tamper and use and this is when I went into the bathroom.

 

Let’s get back to the other story, where was I? Oh, yah well after I said I was fine he knew I wasn’t so he walked right into the bathroom and sat down beside me . He looked so uncomfortable even thought I was the person who was crying. “What’s wrong?” he asks smiling, since he seemed very nice and I needed someone to talk to and I definitely couldn’t talk to Car about this I told him, the whole story. When I was done he got up and told me to follow him, so I did. He walked straight up to James and punched him right in the face. After that day we were inseparable, I loved him. So that was our back story.

 Andrew walks me to the cafeteria and we sit and share French fries together, me being as clumsy as I am I spill ketchup all over my sweater. Andrew laughs so hard his pop almost squirts out of his nose, I laugh too. We share these types of fun interactions on a daily basis. I take off my sweater and lay it on the open space beside me . I see Andrew cringe and his face turns serious and  I know what it’s about, I forgot I did it.

“What is that?” he says seriously, I start to move my arms off the table but he grabs my wrist. I give him and angry look and he says “sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you like that. I’m just worried. “He is still angry with me though and says again “What is this! I thought you stopped doing this, I thought we you were happy!” I feel guilt take over me I shouldn’t of let him see the cuts that embellish my arm now he’ll be worried about me all night.

“I did stop. I haven’t done it for months I just” I take a deep breath “I just wanted to do it one more time.” He looks at me in the sweetest way ever and moves to sit beside, he places and arm around my neck and lightly kisses my check “Please don’t do it again, I love you.” Now I feel really guilty I do love him but it’s hard to say it knowing I won’t see him again after today but, for his sake I say it back to him trying to sound as calm as I can.

 

 When lunch is over I go outside for a breather the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife after Andrew say the cuts. I see Carolina sitting on a bench making out with her new boyfriend. As I walk by I get the dirtiest look I’ve ever received from her, why? Let’s just say we didn’t end off on great terms. Later in the day when James violated me she walked up to me in the hall and slapped me because my “new” friends punched her boyfriend, I guess she didn’t hear the whole story and I didn’t feel the need to tell her because she ended up braking up with him anyway after she caught him having sex with Amy Sardank a grade nine.

I hear the bell ring signaling that everyone should be in there classroom I decide I’m done with school and start walk home. I plug in my iPod and listen to happy music. As I look around I begin to realise what I’m going to miss, like the cool breeze on my face of a fall day, the smell of my favorite restaurant with the fresh bread they cook in the morning.  Thinking about food I become hungry I barely ate anything at lunch I felt sick in my stomach the whole time. I come to a conclusion and stop at Dan’s Café for a snack. When I enter the warm cafe I sit in a serine spot right beside the window and order a large coffee and a cresaunt. They both come to me in under two minutes, the coffee piping hot and the cresaunt soft and warm. When I am finished I absorb the rest of the heat I can and then make my way back outside into the frigid air. I’m still about twenty minutes away from my house so I take it easy enjoying the time I have left outside.

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