Flashbang Man

Josh uses his vivid daydreams to cope with a job and a boss, both which he hates with a passion.


1. Flashbang Man is born


Josh realized he knew it. He’d actually known for quite some time. Consciously knowing was the last part of his surrender. He hated his work. He didn’t have the ambition to move on. So he had to accept being a sucker. Passively watching eight or more hours a day pour away to get that fucking pay check. Oh, what a surrender it was.

Josh also hated his boss. She was of the evil-manipulative kind and had turned the department into a fear driven environment. Skillfully she excecuted her divide and conquer operations. It could be in one on one situations or with large groups. She was complete in her evilness. Josh had got the notion she enjoyed being considered evil. She recieved her nickname “The Eye” from Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings where Saurons eye rules the devastated lands of Mordor. Josh and his colleagues felt like the orcs enslaved under The Eye.

On his way to lunch he had to pace down the corridor and make a right turn. In that corner, the walls were all glass, and of course The Eye had her office there. From her chair she had overview of the whole corridor in both directions. When you passed by her open door you prayed for silence. The worst thing that could happen would be The Eye opening her foul mouth calling for you.
“Ah, Josh, perfect timing!”, her voice would ring out.
That would give you no option. You would have to stop. Look into the room, through the glass wall and into the eyes of The Eye. Of course, this would also mean that you would have to enter The Black Tower (her office) and hope for as little prostration as possible.

Josh unconsciously created a little remedy for the gnawing destructive anxiety The Eye produced in his stomach.

Sneaking down the corridor, trying not to be seen by anyone, Josh advanced door by door. His heartbeats sounded like war drums in his head. Josh’s fist hurt from gripping the grenade so hard. He came to a halt. Standing some eight feet from the corner he straightened. He tried to find a natural stance and started walking, hoping to cut through the corner without The Eye calling for him, or even looking up from her desk.

He could feel that the freedom of lunch hour was within his grasp. Nothing broke the silence as he passed in front of the tall glass wall of her office. Without really wanting to, he stopped right in front The Eye’s gigantic desk. He peeked through the glass – empty. The office was empty. What a relief. It happened sometimes, that The Eye went to lunch before any of her employees. Josh always guessed she was reluctant to go before she had tormented each and everyone who had to pass by her office to get out for lunch.

Standing there pondering the emptiness of the office, Josh felt her vile presence. He went ice cold and slowly turned towards the other end of the corner, the path to freedom.
“Ah, Josh, excellent timing!”, she said.
“Uhm, yeah, I guess…”, he mumbled.
“Are you okay there, Josh?”, she asked.
“Not really. I should go to the mens room”, he said.
Tall and bright as she was, she stared at him through her eyebrows. Josh’s nerves was killing him. Her cowhide shoes and bag made him want to barf. He just had to go for it. He made a push and got going. While staggering under her stare he brushed by her, pulled the pin of the flashbang grenade, let it slid down her cowhide bag. Then he just pushed on, shooting feverish glances over his shoulder.

She had turned around. Her big blue eyes followed him while her gold jewelry made her sparkle. She actually looked amused in a dark divine sort of way. Then The Eye must have registered the change in weight of the bag.

While Josh raced on her focus went to the bag and its contents. She carefully opened it and took a close look.

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