My Holiday Boy

There is someone for everyone they say. But what happens when you find that person and they are in a different country? What do you do then? How do you cope when you have to leave everything you want for everything you have?

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3. Crying over nothing and everything

I put my suitcase down, not bothering to unpack and sat on my bed, drawing my knees to my chest. I let the tears fall down my cheeks freely and become engulfed in the memories that I had....

There is so much I can take of my families ramblings in the apartment and I can feel my head buzzing slightly from the racket. Everyone is shouting and my yearning for peace and quiet i growing by the second. I grab one of my favourite books and make my way up the stone stairs to the upstairs balcony. The racket is muffled and I breathe a sigh of relief. However much I love my family there are times when I love only my own company. I don't worry about being disturbed, no one comes up here unless we have a BBQ. I climb up onto the counter and then on the roof. Technically, I'm not supposed to be up here and when I do get caught it doesn't go down well but this is one of my favourite places in the whole world. The crystal like water of the pool is shimmering below me and I can hear the buzz of life in the other apartments that surround it. Everyone is so happy and cheerful while they are here I always have so much faith in humanity when I come here, much more then at home. I settle down to read and just as I open the first few crisp pages I hear my name being called from one of the apartments. I frown and look around and then I see him. Emanuele is leaning out of a window smiling at me. Everything suddenly lights up and my mood lifts miraculously. I give a shy wave which he returns eagerly and shouts at me,

"Amy! What you do tonight?" I don't know. And honestly I don't care. If I get to spend time with him any plans can be out to the side. 

"Nothing!" I reply. His grin widens, he signals one minute to me and leaves. I rush downstairs,

"Mum! Can I go out with some Italian friends tonight?" I plead. My mum looks delighted that I'm really going out with some people who aren't English and agrees. Easier then I expected. The doorbell rings and I open the door with a huge grin plastered on my face but who I see means I struggle to keep it. Both Emanuele and Elena stand in front of me.

"Hi Amy. Is it ok for you to come out with us?" I nod, trying to fight back any signs of regret. I hear my mum shout something about having to be back my midnight and I close the door. 

We walk along the roads and I talk with Elena. I feel guilt in my stomach as I realise she's actually a really nice girl and I shouldn't be so tight with her. Anyway, what does it matter if she is his girlfriend. I don't like him. Why would I? He's taken. I cant like him. They lead me to a grassy bank where I sit with 4 other Italians. They all wave and say a friendly hi to me. I smile back to them all.

"Amy these are our friends. This is my sister Gaia, she is 14. And this is Francesco, Rosa and Antonello, they are 17, like me!" Emanuele points to each in turn. I sit with Gaia on one side of me and Emanuele on the other. I find myself shuffling ever so slightly towards Emanuele without even noticing. There is a few seconds of silence and then all of a sudden it feels as if I am being interrogated. Endless questions are fired at me from all directions. How old are you? Where do you live? Do you speak Italian? I answer each question politely but when I say singing when they ask me about my hobbies Emanuele's face all of a sudden lights up.

"You sing? Really?? Me too! I am singer!" I giggle at his enthusiasm. He says something that I don't understand to Gaia who nods and runs off. I watch her go with confusion and a few minutes later she returns, this time holding a guitar. Emanuele takes it and turns his body so he is facing me directly.

"You sing now?" They all nod enthusiastically. I bite my lip nervously. They started wiling my on and I become more and more stressed. I hate singing in front of friends in a fear that they will hate it. I start shaking slightly and Emanuele notices. He puts his hands on mine, leans in and whispers,

"We can do duet." I nod slightly. He gives me a reassuring smile and starts to play the Ellie Goulding version of Your Song on his guitar. He sings a few lines as I breathe deeply, trying to reassure myself that it will be fine.

It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money
But boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where
We both could live

He smiles, a signal for me. I take one last deep breath and start to sing.

So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do
See I've forgotten if
They're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is
What I really mean
Your's are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

His eyes are dancing as he joins in with me.

And you can tell everybody,
This is your song
It may be quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

If I was a sculptor
But then again no
Or girl who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much but
It's the best I can do
My gift is my song and
This one's for you

Ohh [x8]

And you can tell everybody
This is your song
It may be quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

 

As we sing its as everything in my life fits. Everything makes sense. Our voices find each other and suddenly any worry that I have ever had vanishes. All that matters is he is here. Singing with me. We finish, both breathless. We gaze into each others eyes as everyone applauds and for a few seconds everything is perfect. Then Elena grabs Emanuele by the shoulder, pulls him around and kisses him deeply. I smile sheepishly and turn to face into the circle. I'm hit with compliments but I'm not really there. The rest of the evening is a blur and when I return home I just fall into bed. I look back on what happened back there. That wasn't just singing. That summed up everything that I was.  I felt like a part of me that had been lost was back. I couldn't deny it any more. I liked him. But he loved her. I sobbed as I realised he was someone I could never have. I fell asleep with tears still cascading down my cheeks...

I realise that I'm crying now and quickly rub away the tears. I hear a soft knock on the door and my mum peers in.

"Are you alright honey. You seem upset."

"Its nothing mum." She looks doubtful but leaves. Nothing. Its nothing. Such a stupid thing to say. To me its everything.

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