Waiting for You

Amanda and Skyler get the chance of a lifetime when they are personally invited to go on tour with their favorite band, One Direction. As relationships develop, secrets are revealed, and it starts to become unclear what will unfold. But the only thing the girls know for sure is that with these boys, love is always an option. Co-written by Heather Tomlinson and Emily M. Horan, author of More Than One Direction, and the sequel, Choosing One Direction.

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46. Loving Him was Red

When I walk out of the room, it all falls on top of me, crushing me.
In my own self-loathing, I pull out all of the newspapers I can find and read all of the articles about me.
I read every word, every single hateful, disgusted, pitiful word.
I soak it all up, savoring every word.
I let the feelings absorb throughout my body, fueling the hate-fire that burns inside of me, eating me alive.
I look through my luggage and find my toiletry bag, then take it to the bathroom.
I search quickly for what I'm looking for,  and when I find it I stare at it for a while.
I take it apart so I can use it how I please.
I hold it close to me, and the tears escape my eyes slowly.
I slide it across my skin and watch as my wrist turns to red.
No sounds leave my mouth.
I enjoy the pain.
I do it again.
And a third time.
I let my knees give way as I crumble to the ground in a pile of misery.
I watch as my wrist gets more and more red, and I breathe slowly.
In and out.
In and out.
In and out.
I bite down on my lip, trying to ignore the pain.

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