385 Ways Out Of WalMart

Part of the "Ways Out Of" series, by Immy Green.


My name is Kristie Johnson. I am 16. I have green eyes, tanned skin, curly blonde hair and bright red lips. I have Dyslexia and a large brain tumor. I need a bit more fun before I die.


Kimmy, Brianna, Rachel, Oro, Harry and Sam will help me. Right now I'm on the bus to WalMart with them. We'll attempt to get kicked out and have fun while doing it. If I die during the process, I will die having fun. Oh look, we're here! Write later,

Kristie ♥

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3. 'Oro, get me 10 hams...NOW!'

The ham sandwiches inspired us with this one. And my tumor helped too. Not in a bad way, though. When we walked in, I said straight away,

'Oro, get me 10 hams...NOW!'

'What?' he asked as if I just said 'Dombergnash' in his face.

'I said, get me ham. Not sliced ham, A ham.' I say, with a 'serious' look plastered over my face.

'Why me?' he asks, trying to make this conversation last forever.

'JUST GO AND GET THE STUPID HAMS!' I shout at the top of my lungs, and draw attention. 'Sorry!' I have to add.

Oro walks over to the butcher and asks 'Hello. Please may I buy all of your ham, and, please, don't slice them!'. The butcher raises a blonde eyebrow. 'Whatever you say, pal!' she chimes in a Texas accent, almost like Sandy's, from SpongeBob. She returns carrying a box. 'That'll be 100 dollars. Two bucks for every one!' Oro pays the lady a crisp 100 dollar bill. 'Gee. Thanks, y'all!' She goes back and returns carrying a sign saying:

 

NO HAMS AVAILABLE, ALL SOLD OUT

 

Oro walks back with the hams. I whisper in everybody's ear 'Everybody get a ham. Whack everyone you see on the head with the ham until there isn't a bit of ham left, then get another one until there are no more.' Sounds like fun, right? Yeah! I picked up a ham, walked up to the security guard, whacked him and pretended to be looking at batteries. Rachel did a 32 year old called Mitzi Miner and then turned around and looked at the Halloween costumes. Harry did a guy called Louis Ramona right above the ear and looked at the Coke. Then Sam made it all better.  He whacked  the butcher. She yelled 'NARTS!', turned around and Sam was on the other side of the desk because he jumped over. 'Excuse me, miss, have you any lamb?' he said in a posh accent.

'Nah, sorry, y'all. We don't 'ave any.

'That's a shame. I'll be off, then!' he walks off and throws the ham behind him without looking and whacks a man in the head. Ha!

 

 

 

 

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