It's Always Been Him

Paxia was the girl in One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful” Music Video. She’s half American and half Indonesian. She got close with the boys as they hung out, did stuffs together until she had to fly back to America to finish her school and all. Something was going on between her and one of the boys. And another one of the boys was secretly desperate of wanting her to be his. As life goes on, they learn what happens when they hide their feelings longer than they should.


4. My Hanky?!

*A/N: I skipped to Paxia’s flight day. I hope you guys don’t mind :D*

I felt a little heat on my face as some shimmering bright lights make me shut my eyes deeper. I pulled my eyebrows together and I put my hand in front of my face to cover up the light, then slowly opened my eyes. I could see the sunshine peeks through my curtains, which makes me realize that the heat I felt on my face was the Sun’s fault. I stretched myself and looked over to the clock across the room, I could hardly see it but I somehow managed to see the time, it was only 9am. I yawned as i went back to my sleeping position and put my pillow over my head to block the sunlight. I kept my eyes shut while trying to go back to sleep, but then I heard a knock on my door. “What now?” I growled and removed the pillow off of my head, then rolled over to hear who was knocking. I waited for someone to say something but couldn’t hear anything so I shrugged and ignored the knock, then put my head under my pillow again. I stayed like that for few moments as I started to feel myself drifting off back to sleep. Then I shot my eyes open when I heard another knock, this time louder. I growled in anger and sat down “What’s the problem?!” I shouted to whoever was on the other side of the door.

“It’s 11.45 now, Ms. Pumpkin. Your flight is today at 3.30! You haven’t packed your handbag! Open up so I can help you out.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. That’s it, I’m tired of being fooled. “No the hell way. I checked the time and it’s still 9. Nice try, Len. Now go away, I need some rest.” I screamed to my pillow, loud enough for Len to hear, I guess. Because she went silent all of a sudden. I got my peace for about 10 seconds but then Len barged in and looked at me for a moment. I slowly opened my left eye to peek out and make sure if she was still there or not. And yep, she’s there. Walking towards the bed and shook the living shit out of me.

“Ms. Pumpkin, I’m so sorry but I have to do this. It’s 11.45. And Master Kyle told me to wake you up before 12.” Said Len while shaking my whole body. I tried to say something but I made a funny sound, instead. – That sound when you talk while somebody is shaking you? Yeah, that. – I rolled over and looked at Len. I could tell that she was scared, because I could literally feel my eyes filled with anger. I hate EVERYONE in the morning. I softened my eyes and sat down. “Well, I’m pretty sure I checked the time. It’s 9. Chill, we have plenty of time. I’m very sleepy, Len. Please just let me sleep.” I smiled at her and rest my head on my pillow again. I could feel the weight lifting off of my bed, and heard Len walked away. I have a smile full of glory glued on my face, knowing that Len gave up and decided to let me get some sleep. I pulled the blanket over my head and hugged my favorite turtle doll in peace until I heard this loud ringing voice coming from BOTH of my bedside tables. I jumped out of my bed and searched for the source of that freaking noise. Since I didn’t have my glasses on, I had to look at the table close enough so I could see. And I found them. My alarm clocks. I assumed that Len was the one who turned it on. Daaaayum, why can’t a girl get some peace??!

“Urgh. Why, God, Why?!” I said while looking up and rising my hands in frustration. I grabbed the alarm clock and turned it off. Then I did the same with the other one on my other bedside table. I let out a sigh and rubbed my eyes with my left hand, while still holding the 2nd alarm clock in my right hand. I stood there for few seconds and decided to check the time.

“Ms. Pumpkin, are you up?” I heard Len screaming voice echoing through the hall. “I’m up, Len. I’m up!” I replied. I tried to read the time that was shown on the alarm clock while walking towards the desk, I have no idea why it takes so long for me to read clocks in the morning. Right after I figured out the time, I gasped and dropped the alarm clock. “SHIT IT’S 11.50!! LEENN!! HELP!!” I screamed in panic. Len showed up at my door and started to pack my handbag in an instant. “Can you put my earphones, portable charger, my hanky, and my make up kit into my handbag, please?” She nodded and I gave her two thumbs up as the sign of saying “awesome, thanks”, while running to the washroom. I stripped down and nearly fell while trying to take off my pants. I jumped into the shower and showered so fast, I kinda hurt my own wrists. It bleed, but not so bad. Maybe it was just God’s unique way to tell me that it’s time to get my meni-pedi. I walked out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. I grabbed my toothbrush and my hairdryer at a same time, which caused me to drop my hairdryer and broke it. “Great! Just great!” I rolled my eyes and kicked the hairdryer to the corner of the washroom, brushed my teeth then walked out of the washroom, searching for Len. “LEN? Where are my clothes? Are they ready?” I stopped brushing and stood there for a while, waiting for an answer from Len. But I didn’t hear anything so I walked into my closet and looked for the clothes I wanted to wear. I walked in and decided to browse the left closet first. I ran my hands through my clothes but i couldn't find the one i've prepared since yesterday. Then i moved to the middle one. I browsed from the highest spot, to the lowest spot. Still couldn't find it. I was starting to get panic. "Leen? Can you please tell where the hell did you put my clothes?!" I slammed my middle closet sliding door, and moved to the right closet. The clothes were all hanged, so it was easier for me to browse it. So i did, i browsed my clothes one by one, i found some cute ones but i was sticking to my decision. As i kept browsing in the right closet, i stopped when i saw the brown loose shirt, hung there in my closet. The cutest brown shirt in my closet. My eyes were locked on it. I couldn’t look away even though I really wanted to. I slowly brushed my hand over it’s sleeves, then went to the middle part of the shirt and felt the button one by one. I inhaled and exhaled heavily as i tried to keep myself together. I looked at it for a good 1 minute and started to feel tears formed in my eyes. I started to sob, but still couldn’t look away. There was a battle in my head, between good and bad memories, which brought me to tears. I took the shirt and sniffed it. I could smell the sweet scent of cinnamon, I closed my eyes and kept sniffing as I felt the tears streamed down my face. I turned my head from the shirt and put my hands on my mouth, started to sob louder. I tried so hard to hold back the tears but I failed. I crumbled down, I fell on my knees and took my toothbrush out of my mouth.

“Ms. Pumpkin, these are your—Ohmygod!” I heard Len’s voice, it was full of worries, but I didn’t bother turning around, because I knew that she knew what was happening. She ran towards me, grabbed my shoulder and helped me up. I was crying my eyes out when I threw my hands around her waist and cried into her neck. “There, there, miss. I know. I know..” She said while rubbing my back and patting on my head. This is one of the hardest thing in my life; keeping my mom’s stuffs. Because it only took 1 look and it all came back. It hurts me so bad, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to see me living my dreams, to help me to pick out some dresses for prom, to see me graduate, to be there on my 16th birthday, to listen to my broken-heart stories, to tease me all the time, to see nate and me snuggling in bed, to see me walking down the aisle and make a bond with the love of my life, to be called “Nanna” by my children. I miss her. I just miss her a lot.

“I miss her, Len.” I said in a very soft voice, I wasn’t even sure if Len could hear me or not. “I know. We miss her, too.” She answered. Well I guess she could hear me. I pulled myself out of her hug and wiped my tears while looking at Len.

“You do?” I asked.

“Yes, ofcourse! She was the love of Master Kyle’s life. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for Master Kyle to deal with it. But he decided not to dwell over it and to be happy with you guys, his treasures. And Nate? She was Nate’s pillow. I remember when Mr. Nate told her about his first crush and slept on her stomach for the rest of her night. It took a while for Mr. Nate to get used to his new pillows, it didn't feel the same as his old pillow. As for me, I’ve been working for your family since Mr. Nate was only 2. Your Mom told me everything about you, and Mr. Nate. She was like my sister, she listened to me all the time. I listened to her, too. And it took a very long time for me to get used to the situation of this house without her around. But we managed to let her go. We all know that she’s now happy up there. She’s looking down at us, happy about the fact that we let her go, but never stopped loving her. And parts of her will stay in our heart forever, to cover up the old wounds that may accidentally bleed again.” Len cupped my head with her hands and kissed my forehead as she dropped some tears from her eyes. I was speechless, I couldn’t say anything about what Len just said. I was touched by that, and felt stronger somehow. She looked me in the eyes and just smiled. The positive energy she transferred from her eyes to mine made me smiled and wiped my tears away as I hugged her tight and exhaled.

“Thank you so much for being here for me, Len.” I said while swinging her arms.

“You’re very welcome, miss.” She smiled at me and pinched my cheek. “Now put your clothes on, we have to be on our way to the airport at 12 if you don’t want to be late!” She tapped my back and I nodded.

I ran to the washroom and brushed my teeth properly, and put a natural make up; bb cream, a little foundation, and lip gloss. I put on my dark red shirt, black skinny jeans, a pair of red converse, and some bracelets. Since I didn’t have much time, I brushed it and just let it fall down my back. I walked out of my room, carrying my black handbag and a chocolate bar in my right hand. I walked down the stairs and saw Len just walked into the house. “Len, I’m ready let’s go. Oh, where are my stuffs?” I asked while munching on the chocolate. “They’re all in the car, miss. And we best be on our way to the airport. It’s already 12.15.” Said Len. We walked to the car and I sat down at the back seat. Len and the driver are at the front.

“Oh, bytheway. How long does it take to be at the airport? I mean, Nate told me that he only needed like about 1 to 2 hours to get there. Is that true?” I asked to the driver.

“Well, it depends on the traffic, miss.” Said the Driver while looking at me from the middle mirror.

I nodded and smiled at him. The atmosphere started to feel awkward, so I pulled out my iPod and stuffed my ears with my earphones. I played Boyce Avenue’s “Dare To Believe” and hummed along to the song. I put it on replay because that’s my current favorite song. I looked out to the window while tapping my hips, following the beat of the song, then I heard a voice mumbled. I pulled my eyebrows together and pulled my earphones out, I listened to the surroundings, trying to figure out what that mumbling voice was. I opened my mouth to say something but paused for few seconds before I asked;

“Did anyone just say anything to me? I was listening to some songs, sorry.” I said while leaning forward to the driver’s seat. My driver nodded and smiled.

“Yes, I did, Ms. Pumpkin. I said, you have a really good voice, why did you hum? Sing.” He said.

I blushed and looked down. “Aww, thank you, Alfred. But I think I’m not in the mood to sing right now. I’m sleepy. And my voice is a bit husky.” I said to Alfred, My driver. Alfred and Len let out some “ngaaww”s and giggled. “Ohwell, that’s okay. Maybe one day we’ll be able to hear you sing in public, yea miss pumpkin?” Asked Len while she turned her head halfway around to face me. I giggled and nodded in agreement and put my earphones back in. I love the feeling when I entertain people. It’s like, I put smile on someone’s face, and it kinda makes me smile too. I leaned back and closed my eyes in attempt to guess the lyrics of the song. But I was feeling pretty sleepy, and I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

*1and a half hour later*

I woke up when the car suddenly stopped. I yawned and rubbed my eyes when I realized I was still using my earphones. “Are we here?” I asked. “Yes, miss. And Master Kyle will be here in few moments. He said he wanted to introduce you to someone.” Albert answered my question very politely. “Okaythen, I’ll just wait inside. Tell him I’ll be at Dunkin Donut’s.” I said as I got out of the car and walked into the airport. “Wait, miss pumpkin!” I could hear Len’s voice very clearly, and it was like… echoed through the whole basement. All I could hear was “pumpkin.. pumpkin.. pumpkin..” and felt everybody's eyes on me. EM-BAR-RASS-ING=.= I facepalmed myself and looked down, then turn around to face Len. She was far away from where I was standing. So I walked over to her and asked; “What is it Len?” I asked as I was getting closer to her.

She stopped her track and gave me an emotionless look. “You forgot your luggage.” She said in a plain tone, plain face, just.. plain. Which creeps me out a little bit. I slapped my forehead and giggled. “Ehehe, sorry I was too excited. Or probably too nervous that I’d miss the plane. It’s already 3.00.” I shrugged as I reached out to my suitcase and my bigger handbag. Before my hand could make a contact with the suitcase’s handle, Len slapped my arm and swung her index finger side to side. “No no no, let me get these for you. You go eat something, you haven’t had breakfast, have you?”Asked Len while pulling my suitcase and walked beside me. I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’m kinda hungry.” Len giggled as soon as she heard my confession. “well, you’re always hungry.” We both let out small laughs and finally reached the front door of LAX. We went through some security checks and right after we got through it, we decided to split up. “I’ll be in dunkin donut’s, kay Len? Just tell me when Dad is here. Tell him to meet me there.” Len nodded as she walked away, still looking at me. So she was walking backwards, technically. I could see she tried to say something. All I got was “I’ll be at..”. It was too noisy and crowdy there. I went to Dunkin and she went to… Somewhere I don’t know, with my luggage. I couldn’t find the Dunkin so I kinda just walked around in big circle there. I finally decided to ask a security. He told me the way and, silly me. It was right next to the gift shop.

I walked into the Dunkin and bought some sandwiches. I sat down on a table with a sofa, it was actually for 5 people, but I love laying down on the sofas. So I just sat there and ate sandwich by myself.  Suddenly my phone rings and it was my dad. I smiled wideeellyyy and answered the phone.

“Hey, Dad! I’m in Dunkin Donuts. Where are you? My flight is in 20 minutes. I have to check in soon.” I said.

“Hey, yeah. Look, Pumpkin. I don’t think I can make it to the airport. The traffic is crazy. My car didn’t move since like about 2 hours ago. I’m so sorry, sweety.” Said Dad. I could hear the disappointment in his voice, he was sad. I could tell. He was disappointed in himself. I was a bit disappointed, too, though. But I understand Dad’s situation. So I let it slide. “It’s okay, Daddy. We can always video call each other through skype.” I said to dad as I curled few of my hair with my fingers. I do that a lot. And I stick my tongue out like every time. Bad habits of mine. meh :/

Dad sighed in disappointment and said sorry again. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’ll miss you. Have a safe flight. And don’t forget to eat breakfast. Len told me you woke up at 11.45!” He teased me a little bit. “eheheh, mhm.”

“Ohwell, atleast you’re not late. Now go check in! Have fun in, England, baby! I love you, bye!” Said dad, he made a long “mwwahh” sound at the end of the call. I didn’t get the chance to reply it so I sent an mms to him, while walking out of the Dunkin Donuts. I looked for detours then i saw Len standing right in front of the checking gate.

“Your stuffs are on the plane already. I have to hurry because the securities thought I was suspicious.” Said Len. She sounded pretty disappointed when she said “I had to hurry.” I pulled my eyebrows together and stood still. I put my left hand on my waist and growled. “Ngaaww, first, dad. Then, you. Nobody wants to give me a last hug? Evilevilevil.” I shouted playfully at Len through the phone. “Well, I'm still here. Give me a huuuuug!” She said. “Awww, I'm gonna miss you. And I'll be living alone there. So i have to make my own breakfast. Which sucks.” I said to Len and pulled myself out of the hug. She smiled at me and poked my nose "well, you're a smart girl, miss pumpkin. You'll figure out how to live on your own." She winked at me and walked away. "I'll miss you, miss! Take care!" She screamed as she walked away to the exit door. I smiled while looking at her from behind. I'm gonna miss her, like really. Her morning pancakes. And specially her french fries. Nobody in this whole world can make french fries as good as Len. I turned around to the Check In door and checked in. After the security checks, i looked for some detour to my plane gate and finally found it. I looked at my watch as i walked to the gate's direction, it’s almost 3.30. I have to hurry! I did an awkward walk-run but then i stopped my track. I remembered about my chums, i immediately I pulled out my phone and text my friends to let them know that I’ll be leaving very soon. I wanted to call them one by one but there's no time D;

“MY LOVIEEESSS, I’m at the airport atm. On my way to the check in door. I’ll leave in 20 minutes-ish. Sooo… I’LL MISS YOU! Xx” Sent.

I put the phone back in my pocket and run, following the detour to the Gate. Then I could feel my phone vibrated for like about… 10 times or more. I ignored it once, because it was only 4 vibrates. But then it went crazy in my pocket. It was ticklish so I decided to pull it out and checked.

 “Have a safe flight, bitch! I’ll miss you like crazy.  –Diane”

“Aww, how cool is that. Have fun! (: -Halley”

“AAAAAAAA! I wish I could come! I’ve been begging to my parents to spend summer in England. Wish me the best of luck! And have a safe flight, dearie. <3 –Merry”

“have a safe flight! Don’t be careless, and don’t sleep on stranger’s shoulders! –Fred”

“Have a safe flight, sweet thing. –Abe”

I smiled at my phone as I kept giggling at their funny reactions. They always know how to make me laugh. Diane sent me a picture of her doing the duck face, which was pretty random but I cracked anyway. Merry sent  me a voice note of her voice saying “Safe Flight” in a Man’s voice. Fred sent me buuunnch of memes, wishing me a happy holiday in England. Abe and Halley just sent me texts, but their texts = gold bars to me. I’m just so lucky to have them in my life. I smiled at the thought and replied them.

I kept running while looking at my phone, and that was stupid. (Seriously, don’t EVER run while looking down at your phone. It’s risky, and you’ll have to be able to control yourself from self humiliation=.=) So yeah, I was running while looking at my phone and I bumped to someone, I dropped my phone, my drink that I bought from Dunkin AND my handbag which caused my stuffs to blew out. I let out a loud gasp and kneeled down to pick up my stuffs. And whoever that person was, kept saying sorry and helped me clean up the mess. “Ohmygod, I am so sorry. I didn’t see you, I was looking at the detour and—“ by the sound of it, it was a he. A boy, I guess :/ He stopped moving, I have no idea why. I didn’t dare to look up just yet because ONE) I was still busy looking for my things. TWO) He could be a creepy guy who looked for women to get sold. But he sounded a little weird. Like he had accents, but he was struggling to talk like American. I ignored that thing and continued picking on my stuffs.

I was still busy picking up my stuffs, they were everywhere! I started to move faster which caused me to drop some more of my stuffs from my handbag. I panicked like.. literally panicked because I know I’ll be late, the flight is in 10 minutes! And I just bumped into a random guy, spilled my drink, and my handbag? Can it get any worse?! I kept checking on my watch, cursing the time in a very low voice volume. I noticed that he was still freezing since that point when he stopped moving. I decided to break the ice so I opened my mouth to say something, and I should probably look at what he was doing, freezing like a damn sculpture. “That’s okay, that’s okay. I’m late for my flight so I need to hu—“ I finally looked up at him. His face was 10cms away from mine. I gasped a little bit, amazed by his looks. He was wearing a hat, so I couldn’t see his hair, and his face was a little bit shady because the hat blocked the light from shining on his face. And he was also wearing a sunglasses, but he pulled it down a little bit to the core of his nose so I could see his eyes. I examined his face before I froze and stared into his hazel eyes, felt like I was lost in it. He stared into mine and I felt like he was exploring my mind. The energy from his eyes was unknown. I felt nervous, somehow safe. His minty breath gave me a warm feeling. He accidentally touched his skin to mine and we both widened our eyes a little bit. But I was still staring at him. And so did he. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. We stared into eachother’s eyes for a while then I shook my head and looked back down to find my missing stuffs. “Urgh, I can’t find my lip gloss!” I growled in frustration. I tried to find it, and walked over to some possible places but I still couldn’t find it. “Here you go.” That boy gave me my lipgloss. I looked at his face as I took my lipgloss from his hand. That was the chance for me to examine his looks from head to toe, so I took the risks. He was wearing light colored ripped jeans, white inner shirt, red outer shirt, black and red shoes, and red hat. “Uh, you okay?” He asked me while waving his hands in front of my face. I snapped back to reality and smiled at him.

“Oh, yeah, thank you so much for your help.” I said to him nicely. He smiled at me and I turned to jelly, I couldn’t help myself “awwh”ing at him, right in front of him. He blushed and looked down, then looked back at me again and smiled. “So you said you were in a hurry?” He asked, putting his hands in his jeans pockets. I slapped my forehead and smiled at him. “Uh, yeah I’m in a terrible rush. Sorry I bumped into you. Have a great day!” I did an awkward wave at him and ran like a ninja. Some of my stuffs were still in my hands, I didn’t have time to put it into the handbag. “Shit shit shiiiitt 8 more minutes!” I panicked as I could feel some of my stuffs fell down, so I stopped for a while without turning around and took everything that I could see on the ground, then put it all into my handbag. “Wait, girl. Hey, wait!” I could hear the same voice calling over me. I’d really love to turn around and walked over to him to ask what’s up. But I was in a hurry, plus, I have to be faithful to Abe. So I just spun around real quick and waved at him again, “Sorry, in a hurry. Adios!” I said while running and secretly regretting what I just did.

After a minute of running through the sea of human, I finally found the gate and walked over to it. “Finally! I can still go in right?” I asked to the lady standing next to the gate. “Yes, ofcourse. Just let me see your ticket please?” I gave the lady my ticket, and I made it to the plane.

*In the plane*

I was so sleepy and decided to listen to some music. I pulled out my iPod and earphones. I put on my earphones and plugged it into my iPod. I played Michael Buble’s “Home”, and looked for my hanky so I could sleep. I looked at where I first put it but it wasn’t there. I was shocked but I remained calm. I looked to another spot but it wasn’t there either. I tried not to panic, but I looked all over my handbag and still couldn’t find my hanky. “OH SHIT!” I nearly screamed but then I immediately covered my mouth with my hands, hoping that nobody heard that. But it was a business class flight, anyway. So the seats weren’t so tight and close to each other. “No no no, Not that one!” I whined as I dug my handbag and pour it on the desk in front of me. “Where the fuck is it??!” I growled in frustration. That hanky was from my grandmother. She made it, and wrote my name on it then she gave it to me. It’s always been my lucky charm since then. “I can’t lose it. I caan’t! Not that one! Anything but that one!” I cried to myself. Then I finally gave up. I layed back and ran my mind on what have I been doing on the past 2 hours.. Where the hell could that hanky be?! I stood up and ran to the exit door. “I’m sorry miss, but we’re going to take off in few minutes, you can’t walk out of this plane until the next 11 hours. Please go back to your seat and put on your seatbelts.” Said the lady next to the door. “But I need to get something it’s really important!” I pleaded to the lady. She gave me a sad look as she looked at the door, it was already closed. The tunnel was already pulled out. That’s it. No chance for me to find my hanky.

“Argh fine.” I mumbled to myself and dragged my feet back to my seat.


The Boy’s P.O.V

“Paxia? What an unusual name..” I said to myself as I put her hanky in my pocket. It’s cute, just like the owner. It’s yellow, with pink hearts on it, and a writing which I assumed is her name on it. “Wonder how am I supposed to give this back to her?”

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