10. Chapter ten
I was totally thrown back from the question that Jamie asked me. The truth is, I hadnt asked her to be my girlfriend yet because I still am not sure if I am ready... but me and my big mouth said "I wasnt sure what you would say." God, why cant I just tell her the truth. Maybe because I love her. I dont know what the reason is. She fell asleep on my chest while I had my hand tracing circles on her mid back. I lie awake thinking about what to do, and if I shoudl tell her about El. I was still so unsure of myself. Why did this have to be so hard?
The next morning I awoke to the wonderful smell of pancakes and bacon. I looked to my left to see Payton laying there with her face all scrunched up. She was to cute when she slept. I kissed her head, and she fluttered her eyelids open. "Morning beautiful." I said. "Morning." She mumbled back. She nuzzled into my chest some more, kissing my stomach. She didnt move, and it seemed like she had fallen asleep again. "Babe? Harry made breakfast." I played with her hair. "Nummy." was all I heard her mumble. I chuckled, pulling myself up, and sat up against the head board. I patted my chest, as she slowly climbed up and put her face on my chest again. "We've got to get up babe." I said, lightly kissing her cheek. I still was unsure if I was ready to be her boyfriend, and then It slipped. "I love youuuuuu." I sang in her ear. SHIT!
She shot her head up. "Wh-what?" she questinoed. "Louis, im sorry. I dont love you.... and I think that if we were friends, it would be better. Im sorry Louis." She was crying. I knew I shouldnt have said that. "Jamie I-" "No Louis. I dont love you like that. Not yet anyway. we just met two months ago, I cant make this commitment." She kissed me one last time on the lips, and then wipped her cheeks. "Im sorry." I whispered. She shook her head and walked out of the room. I sat in bed with my face buried in my hands. "What in the hell is wrong with me?" I screamed. I threw a picture at the wall, and just flopped back down into the bed. Why do I always do this.....
I was shocked at Louis. I mean I did like him, but I didnt Love him. I felt horrible for breaking up with him, but I thought it was the right desicion. Obviously I was DEAD wrong about that one. It is just that I had never had anybody love me before, besides my parents, and it was different for me. I wasnt ready for it. God dammint. Why am I so stupid?