Back to the Josh situation before I start to cry. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I know I’m going to have to tell him the truth at some point. I’m scared to, but even if you run away from your fears you’re going to have to face them eventually. I dug Claire’s number out of my backpack and called her, I would have just messaged her but I had way too much to say for that.
“Hello?” Claire answered.
“Hey, it’s Abby. I have a bit of a problem” I said.
“Oh jeez. Let me guess, it’s about Josh, isn’t it?” She asked.
I told her the whole story and she gave me some advice. I ended the call and slid down my door and sat on the floor and contemplated for a bit. Josh would probably ask me to sit next to him at lunch again tomorrow, I was planning on telling him then. It’s going to be pretty awkward but I’m pretty sure I have it all planned out. I got up off the floor, slumped over, and went downstairs. I passed Todd and gave him a dirty look. I’ve never hated my brother this much, he’s really driving me crazy. My mom suggested we should all watch a movie as a family. I had nothing better to do so I clicked the On Demand button on my Comcast TV remote and turned on E.T. I don’t care how old that movie is, it will always be my favorite. My mom, dad, and Todd gathered up on the couch while I got up and made some popcorn for all of us. I made Todd his own bowl to look nice in front of my parents when I actually put all the popcorn that fell on the floor in his bowl. I put the bowl that was for my mom, dad, and I on the coffee table and handed Todd his bowl. He grabbed his bowl hesitatingly and gave me a strange look. I don’t normally do nice things for him like that. As we watched the movie I glanced at him every now and then making sure he ate his popcorn.
After the movie was over, I went upstairs and picked out my outfit for tomorrow and got ready for bed. My phone started to vibrate off my desk. It was Josh.
“Hey, you never answered my last text.”
I sighed. I couldn’t be like ‘Oh, well you see, that wasn’t me and I really don’t feel that way for you at all.’ I just told him I never heard my phone go off and that by the time I saw the message I thought he would be sleeping by then. Surprisingly, he took that for an answer. We went on talking and every now and then we would talk about a subject that brought us into the subject of him liking me, whenever that happened I would quickly change the subject. I didn’t want to go too far with faking it and really get him attached then break his heart. My mom came upstairs and told me to put the phone down and go to bed while I was in the midst of texting, it was getting pretty late, eleven o’ clock. I put my phone down and made myself comfortable under my sheets and she turned off the lights as I told her goodnight. I wasn’t actually going to bed. I waited until I heard her footsteps going down the wooden stairs. I picked up my phone from the bedside table, the light from the screen blinded me under the blanket. I finished my message to Josh, we texted until I became tired and told him goodnight. He replied with ‘Goodnight beautiful.’ I didn’t even smile or feel special. I just felt guilty. It was too late for me to text him and tell him the truth, I had already told him goodnight. I just ignored the message and plugged the charger to my phone in the outlet and placed it under my pillow. I made sure to lock it this time, Todd wasn’t getting into my phone without me knowing this time. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling for a moment then turned on my right side to face the closed door. I yawned and closed my eyes wishing Todd never got into my phone. Wishing I didn’t have to go to school tomorrow and face my fear of telling Josh the truth. And most of all, wishing this whole move never happened.