More Than This

Sequel to 'Sick Little Games'

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6. Not Afraid

 

I sighed heavily as kicked another pebble with my foot, not really listening to what Matt was saying. I squinted my eyes as I looked up for a moment to look at the ocean at my left. It was Matt’s idea to bring me here today. He knew that I needed some cheering up and he knew how much I loved the beach. That’s why I felt bad a little to be that distracted when he talked to me since he had been so nice to care about me in that way and bring me here. Matt cleared his throat and nudged my arm when he noticed I wasn’t paying attention. I let out a laugh and turned to him with a small smile on my lips.

“Sorry! I’m kind of… distracted today. ” I said simply, looking straight infront of me. Sometimes, Matt had the really annoying ability of reading into my soul like an open book and I really didn’t want him to do that in that very moment.

“Let me guess! It’s because of Harry, isn’t it? ” He dramatically gasped to mock me but I detected a hint of bitterness in his tone which made me frown and look down at my feet. Why would Matt be so bitter about this? He knew how I felt about Harry since the beginning when he accepted to be my fake boyfriend for the summer so I could make Harry jealous and well, you know, not look so lonely infront of him.

“Why do you say that? ” I asked carefully, kicking more pebbles, not daring to look up to meet his eyes.

“ Are you joking? It’s always about him! ” The way he arrogantly scoffed annoyed me. I mean, I knew my Harry issues were sometimes a big deal but… It wasn’t that big… Right?

“Oh please! I’m not that desperate! ” I challenged him as I turned around to face that stupid smug look of his.

“Yeah because it’s not like you’re pretending to date someone else because of him!? And also, it’s totally not like you talk about him 24/7 either… ” He slowly said with a satisfying smile on his face. I stopped walking and I also stopped breathing for a moment at the horrifying realization that I had become my worst nightmare… I really was desperate.

“Is it that bad… Is it!? ” I started to panic as I began to realize that ever since Harry and I started to be… well… ‘closer’, I changed. I really did. I was never the type of girl who would cry over a guy for days before but then… Harry happened. I changed and not necessarily for the better. I mean, I didn’t want to become one of those overemotional girls whose world fall apart because of some guy! But even if I didn’t want to… I’m afraid this is what I’ve become. For some strange reasons that I still don’t understand to this day, I felt angry at myself for being so desperate and I also felt really angry at Matt for pointing it out.

“Look, it’s just pissing me off because I’m trying so hard to make things right with him and he’s just being so rude to me all the time! ” I whined in a very childish manner.

“Well, it’s not like you don’t deserve it. ” Matt mumbled, kicking pebbles too, his eyes on the ground. I spun around and glared at him.

“Excuse me!? What is it, you’re on his side now or what!? ” I blurted out, my anger getting the best of me.

“I don’t even like the guy, alright? But I know what happened between you two and… It’s not like you were always nice with him. ” He said in a very careful voice when he noticed I was getting pretty upset about this conversation.

“Well, it’s not like it’s any of your business anyway! ” I flashed him a sarcastic smile and turned around to start walking again.

“Well, since you brought me into this whole mess by asking me to be your fake boyfriend to make him jealous… Yes, it is! ” Matt laughed as he caught up with me. I sighed heavily as I glared at him once again. I hated how he was always so right about everything.

“Alright, Mr. Righteous! Tell me what I should do to make it right then! ” I exclaimed as I waved my hands dramatically in the air.

“Just keep apologizing… He’ll have to forgive you sooner or later. ” He simply said with his usual stupid smile on his face.

“So, that’s your brilliant advice? ” I said as I just stared at him. I couldn’t believe that’s all he had to say for someone who always had an opinion on everything I do.

“Why does it matter anyways!? Whatever I’ll tell you to do, you’ll just end up doing the exact opposite because you never actually listen to anyone but yourself. ” I punched his arm as hard as I could but he just started laughing like an idiot. I tried to hit him again but he ran away from me before I had the chance. I just stayed there and sighed heavily. Eventually, he realized I wasn’t following him so he turned around and waved at me.

“What are you doing!? ” He screamed, even if he was just a couple of feet away from me. There was a long silence between us after that. Being alone at the beach that afternoon, all we could hear during that moment was the calming sound of the wind and the waves crashing against the shore.

“I don’t even know what I’m doing… ” I mumbled to myself as I looked at the ocean. I think I had never been more confused in my life than in that moment. I wanted Harry to forgive me, I really did but… I didn’t want to turn into a pathetic and sad idiot for that though. There was my heart who was telling me to fight for him and there was my head telling me to stop being so damn desperate. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even notice Matt walking towards me.

“Just give him time and keep apologizing… You’ll get there eventually. ” Matt said sweetly with a small smile on his face. I could see that deep down he wasn’t pleased with all of this. Maybe he was tired of lying? Maybe he thought this whole fake relationship thing was dumb after all… Well, it always was but maybe now he realized how much he didn’t want any part in it?

“I never apologized to you for asking you to lie and I am… I’m sorry, Matt. I know that’s a stupid idea… ” I said, turning my body to face him. His smile grew wider.

“I’ll be fine… You’re not the worst company in the world, you know that? ” We just smiled and stared at each other for awhile until my phone broke our little moment. I sighed as I pulled out the damn thing out of my pocket but my annoyance was quickly gone the second I read the text message I received. ‘Come over tmrw. We need to talk.’ It was from Louis and coming from him, I had every reason to be worried about what’s going on even if I had no idea what was actually going on.

“I think I’m in trouble… ” I breathed as I just stared at my phone, wondering what the hell was going to happen tomorrow when I’ll go over to the boys’ place.

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