After everything that’s happened the week before, you’d think it would be completely impossible for me to be sitting in a plane on my way to New York with One Direction… But no, everything’s possible nowadays I guess. Actually, I didn’t even want to go in the first place but of course, Louis invited Claire and that one forced me to go because she didn’t want to go without me. I swear to you, Claire literally threatened to murder me if I made her miss a chance to spend a potential romantic weekend with Louis but guess what? She wasn’t even in the plane with me! She was filming her last scenes for a certain movie somewhere in North California all evening so she would be taking the red-eye to New York later on. But still, it was cruel of her to let me handle all by myself a six hour plane ride in the not-so-lovely company of Harry Styles. Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, I find Harry beyond lovely but… He was awfully mad at me and I had too much pride to say sorry for what I said the week before so here we were, ignoring each other like stupid children. Also, it’s not that I didn’t want to say I was sorry… I really wanted to but it’s like my body wouldn’t allow it. I guess I really do have too much pride. The only good thing I could make out of this whole situation was that Claire bought me my plane ticket so in the end, I did not lose any money over this pure torture. Luckily though, we were all sitting in first class and I was sitting with Niall. It was nice so far, we were just casually talking about random things and nothing was going wrong… yet.
“Why didn’t you invite your boyfriend, Matt? He’s a really nice bloke! ” Niall asked very loudly, since he was completely oblivious to the whole matter or so it seems. Harry, who was sitting just behind me, sighed very loudly for both of us to hear. I tensed and glared at Niall like a mad woman.
“ He was working this weekend! He couldn’t make it… ” I tried to shrug off innocently but afterwards I clearly mimed to Niall: ‘Don’t talk about Matt.’ He frowned in confusion before opening his mouth to embarass me even more.
“What do you mean!? Why don’t you want to talk about him..? ” He asked carefully, more confused than ever. Clearly, he didn’t understand that I especially did not want Harry to hear all of this but here we go… I was about to talk back to Niall when suddenly, a husky voice from behind me stopped me before I could even get a word out. I simply froze. This is exactly what I didn’t want.
“Oh Niall, don’t worry. Skye thinks it’ll make me upset because she thinks everything’s about her as usual! ” Harry said in the most arrogant tone I have ever heard in my life. The second he was finished, the silence fell upon all of us. Even Louis who was sitting by Harry’s side kept quiet. For a moment, I thought about just ignoring all of this and pretend for the rest of the plane ride that I was sleeping or listening to music but there was this little voice in the back of my mind… This little voice was telling me to turn around and clearly tell this pretty little idiot to shut up. I just simply couldn’t help myself, I spun around as I got on my knees on the seat. He immediately lifted up his eyes to meet mine, we stared at each other intensely as I began to talk again.
“I actually wanted to apologize for what I said last week you know… But forget about it! You’re a dick and this is all your fault! ” I said rather loudly without really thinking. A spark of anger appeared in his gorgeous green eyes.
“Yeah because it’s always my fault, isn’t it!? ” He screamed even louder than before. I noticed many people looking our way. I also noticed Liam who was glaring at us like a concerned father worried about his children making a scene in public.
“It is right now, Harry! I’m trying all the time to reach out to you but you’re making things so difficult! ” I replied, half screaming. I didn’t want to cause a scandal after all… They were celebrities now and this could end up all over the internet for all I know.
“And why do you think so!? You fucked me over in the past, who says you won’t do it again!? ” He hissed, inches away from my face, his eyes burning with bitterness and sorrow.
I felt bad once again. That pain in my chest… How I felt so numb. It was back. I gulped harshly as I just kept staring into his eyes.
“Well, maybe you should start to trust me. ” I whispered. I was shocked that I ended up saying it outloud… My brain was definitely out of it. Harry also seemed surprised by my last words. I waited for him to say something but he stayed silent so I just sat back and sighed heavily. Niall asked me if I was alright so obviously, I lied and said I was fine. The rest of the trip went by very quickly since I was totally lost in my thoughts. I mainly thought about Harry; no surprise there. The car ride after we got off the plane wasn’t so bad either. The boys were happily talking to each other and it was kinda nice that no one was arguing for once. I kept quiet and I just watched them. I’ve missed them so much and now… Everything was so different but nothing really changed at all at the same time. It is a truly strange thing to say but it’s true. Harry shot quick glances in my direction from time to time, I just smiled and pretended I didn’t see him. I hoped the last thing I said to him earlier in the plane would make things a tiny bit better between us. The way he looked at me after I said it; he seemed so vulnerable. Maybe he was wondering if he should trust me? I really hope he was… I really hope he would trust me again one day.
I was unpacking my things for the next three days that we were all spending in this lovely cabin when someone lightly knocked on the door. I mindlessly said to this person to come in without really thinking. So it’s fair to say that I was more than surprised when I saw Harry enter the room I was occupying for the weekend. I let the few t-shirts I was holding in my hands fell on my bed as I crossed my arms at the sight of Harry, just standing there, closing the door behind him. I didn’t know where this was going and I didn’t like it for one bit.
“Give me one good reason. ” He simply said, nothing else. Just that. I opened my mouth to talk but stopped myself, I thought about it for a moment but I was still clueless.
“What are you talking about? ” I said to him, as I nervously chewed on my bottom lip.
“You said earlier that I should trust you. Tell me one good reason, right now, why I should do that. ” His stern tone made me shiver. He looked so angry, I just didn’t feel comfortable at all. I looked down at my feet for a moment, my heart was beating so fast and my hands were all sweaty. I just really wanted to say the right thing but… What is there to say? I definitely couldn’t drop him the L word. No way.
“You should trust me because… I really want to make things right with you. ” I looked up to see his reaction. I let out a sigh of disappointement as I saw the anger still draped all over his face. He wasn’t impressed and I wasn’t surprised; I’m pretty sure that whatever I would have said he would still be mad anyways. He set me up for loss already.
“Well, I don’t. ” That’s all he said. That’s it. He left the room and slammed the door so loudly that it made me jump. Funny enough, last week he got upset with me because I said that he was never worth of my time but now, there I was, almost in tears because he made me feel the exact same way. Liam screamed from downstairs that dinner would be ready in a couple of minutes so after I made sure my almost-crying face wasn’t too obvious, I stuck a fake smile to my face and slowly got out of my room.
After Harry and I’s lovely conversation, it was now time for dinner. I loved how the boys kept talking non-stop about their schedule for the next two months. Maybe they noticed the tension between Harry and I and perhaps they were trying to ease it by not letting silence fall upon all of us. Or maybe they just had alot of things to say to each other too, who knows? I didn’t talk very much while eating but occasionally, I would quietly talk with Zayn who sat by my side. Most of the time, I could feel Harry’s angry stare on me since he was sitting right infront of me but I tried my best to ignore it. If I started to make a scene everytime Harry seemed mad at me nowadays, I’m afraid I would spend my entire days screaming. Everything was going absolutely fine until the moment Niall adressed me very loudly and all the boys stopped talking to listen.
“So, Skye! What have you been up to since you got here in America? ” He simply asked with a friendly smile. I know he was just trying to be nice and invite me into their conversation but if only he knew I only really wanted to keep quiet so I could possibly avoid drama with the idiot sitting infront of me.
“Oh you know… Nothing special really? I traveled a bit with Claire last year, I went to Texas, Chicago and New York. It was nice. ” I replied as quickly as possible. The boys went on about their trips too and all the funny moments they shared in these many places they visited since The X Factor. It was great to see them like that, so involved in the band and so close to each other. It was truly touching for me since I grew up with them and now, they were closer than ever. I almost thought for a second it all went perfectly but then, I froze at the sound of a husky but also very angry voice.
“Matt is Claire’s brother right? Did he come with you on this little trip? ” Harry asked in a sarcastic tone, he was almost laughing. I never quite understood his purpose in that moment. Was he making fun of me or what exactly? The other boys kept talking but I noticed how they were holding on to whatever I was about to say. They were definitely listening to us and not really caring about their own conversations anymore.
“No… It was just Claire and I. I wasn’t with him at that time. ” I replied nonchalantly. I took a long gulp of my glass of water as I narrowed my eyes at him. Where was he going with this? Why so many questions all of a sudden?
“When did you start dating him actually? ” He asked indifferently, as if it was the most casual question ever. Considering our past and our current relationship, it was just very odd of him to ask me such things.
“Why does it matter to you anyway!? ” I half-screamed, getting annoyed with his stupid-ass questions. I was also getting a bit nervous because well, I had to lie in the first place.
“Why can’t you answer a simple fucking question!? ” He laughed, his furious gaze never leaving mine. That’s when I noticed how quiet it got around us. I looked around to see the rest of the boys looking at us arguing; they were speechless. They felt obviously awkward about witnessing all of this I supposed and that’s why in that moment, I suddenly felt awful for imposing on them such an embarrassing scene.
“Can’t we just talk about this another day or perhaps, I don’t know, never!? ” I hissed in a dry tone.
“You really don’t like facing your problems, don’t you dear? ” He arrogantly accused with a smug look on his face. This know-it-all look he had gave me the urge to slap him right there in that very moment but of course, I had more common sense than that.
“Not at all, actually! Whenever I try to talk to you, you just push me away and act like a fucking twat, well, like right now basically! ” I yelled in exasperation. We stared at each other in silence for the longest time until he finally pushed away his half-eaten plate as he got up furiously.
“I think I’ve just lost my appetite. Goodnight. ” He stormed off so quickly that no one even had the time to say anything at all. I sighed very loudly as I buried my face into my hands. Everytime I thought things couldn’t possibly get even more complicated, they just did. It was like life itself was making fun of me or something. I took a deep breath as I got to my feet.
“I shouldn’t have come here. I’m just going to ruin your weekend, guys. I’m so sorry, I’ll just go to bed now and- ” As I was about to step away from the table, Zayn grabbed my hand and gently pulled me back on my chair.
“It’s not your fault Harry’s acting like a bloody five year old! ” He sighed with obvious annoyance in his voice. I was about to protest but Louis’ voice stopped me from doing so.
“Look, we all know you two have a past and we also know you’ve got alot to settle but… Harry’s being a major wanker with you. We don’t blame you or anything, Skye. ” I bit my lip as I watched all the boys nodding, agreeing with what Louis just said.
“But still, it’s my fault. He’s mad at me for what I did two years ago and especially… Because I left without saying goodbye. So yeah, it is my fault. ” I mumbled as I looked down at my hands in shame.
“Well, he’s still irrationally angry at you and it’s just wrong. ” Niall replied quietly. I looked up to meet his beautiful blue eyes and I smiled a sad smile in return. I felt so guilty about all of this. I didn’t want to boys to argue with Harry because of me. It was just all so wrong.
“I still think it’s my fault, though. Look, I’m just gonna go to bed. I’m not feeling well. ” I managed to got up and walk away rapidly before Zayn could grab me again. I heard them protest a couple of times before I reached the stairs but I just wasn’t in the mood to stay and chat to be honest. I quickly made my way into my room and I didn’t even bother to change, I just let myself fall onto the bed as I let my doubts lead me into a dreamless sleep.