More Than This

Sequel to 'Sick Little Games'

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21. Dark Paradise

 

It took me about five whole minutes to realize that Harry had been the one who drove me here in the first place so now, I was stuck in their front yard because I was drunk so therefore I absolutely couldn’t drive back home all by myself. My house was miles away but I guess I didn’t have a choice so I started walking as I kept crying like an idiot. I had just set foot on the sidewalk when the front door of the boys’ house flung open to reveal a very upset looking Louis. Claire and Matt followed him close behind as Louis walked up to me.

“Get in the car, now. ” Louis snapped as he gestured to Claire’s car parked right behind me. This one immediately took her place in the driver’s seat and Matt got in the passenger’s seat. I did as I was told and got into the back of the car but to my great surprise, Louis joined us as well. I simply stared at him in silence while he fixed his seatbelt. No one was talking and there wasn’t even music on, it was horribly awkward. We were all set to go but Claire didn’t move. We all just stayed very still, not talking, not doing anything at all.

“Louis, why are you here!? ” I cried in exasperation, the awkward silence getting the best of me.

“Well, you’re leaving apparently and while our lovely Claire here is driving you home, I would very much like you to explain yourself, Skye. ” He replied, visibly annoyed and upset with me. I couldn’t blame him after all, I lied to him all summer so he had the right to be angry with me. Claire finally started driving which made me relax a little but this flicker of ease didn’t last very long as Louis began his little rant.

“I don’t understand how you could ever think that pretending to date someone could be a great idea, Skye!? I really don’t! You had to know it would end badly, don’t you? ” He went on and on and quite frankly, I didn’t have the heart or the courage to stop him because I knew he was right. I’ve been an idiot from the start, by asking Matt to do this and also to lie to my best friends like that. It was horrible, well, I’ve been horrible and Louis was completely right.

“How about you tell me something I don’t know!? ” I said with a big sarcastic smile on my face. Louis didn’t seem too amused by my attitude though. He had seemed angry at first but now I saw guilt forming in his eyes. He sighed and turned his attention back to the window to his left. Maybe he felt bad about screaming to me like that. I wasn’t mad at him for it though, he had every right to be upset.

“I fucked up, alright? I know it was stupid but I did it anyway because that’s just me. I can’t do anything right. Never. ” I mumbled as I stared at the scenery changing so quickly before my eyes.

“But why did you do it? There’s gotta be a reason I mean- ” Louis began but I cut him off before he could finish.

“I just… I didn’t want Harry to know that I spent the last two years being completely miserable because I missed him the whole time. Because I did, incase you were wondering. ” I said quickly, making sure not to look at him. It was already way too much for me to admit that I spent all of this time still holding on to Harry… I didn’t have the guts to look at Louis while saying it. Silence fell after my last words. I assumed Claire and Matt up front were not really comfortable being stuck in the middle of this but well, they didn’t really have a choice but to just sit there and endure.

“And what are you going to do now? I don’t know if Harry will forgive you so easily for this, Skye… ” Louis said. I noticed a hint of disappointment in his tone, but also sadness. Maybe he felt bad for me or maybe he was just upset the small progress Harry and I made was destroyed, once again. I took a deep breath as I tried to prepare myself for what I was about to say.

“I’m not good for him. Well, I’m not good for anyone but that’s not the point… He deserves so much better than me and my perpetual drama and… I guess I’ll just leave him alone from now on. ” Tears threatened to spill from my eyes again but I tried my best to keep myself from crying even more. Louis moved closer to me but I stayed immobile, I didn’t want to face him after I had just said this.

“What do you mean you’ll leave him alone? ” He asked carefully, he almost sounded nervous.

“You guys are going back home soon, right? ” I asked him, finally turning to look at him. I did my best not to show any emotions at all. I didn’t want him to see right through me. I didn’t want Louis to know that giving up on Harry was the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do in my entire life.

“We’re leaving in two weeks. ” He replied quickly, his eyes growing worried about what I was going to say next.

“There you go! In two weeks, Harry and I will both be free to go our separate ways and forget that all of this ever happened. ” I lied again… Well, Harry should go back home and move on because that’s the right thing to do for him but I knew that I would never be able to fall in love with someone else. It’s always been Harry. Ever since we were kids, I always felt different around him. I tried to push him away for so long but eventually I just gave in because deep down I always had feelings for him. It’s always been him. It’ll always be only Harry for me and that is exactly why I had to let him go.

“Does that mean you’re saying goodbye to me too then? ” Louis’ voice cracked at the end and for that I almost started crying all over again. My best friend, the brother I never had, my Louis… He was the only person I never wanted to lose but there I was, on the edge of losing him aswell.

“Harry needs you more than I do and you’ve got the band to worry about. ” It wasn’t what I wanted at all but it’s what’s right for them. I’m fucked up and all I do is complicate things. The boys would without a doubt live alot better without any Skye drama, even though, the idea of maybe never seeing them again broke my heart.

“You’re making a huge mistake, Skye. ” Louis breathed, his voice shaking.

“Well, that’s just me, right? Always making mistakes, never doing anything right. ” I mumbled as I smiled sadly to myself. Thankfully for me, the second I finished my sentence the car stopped and I realized I was finally home. I quickly thanked Claire for driving me home and I also apologized to her and Matt for the whole drama earlier. I was about to step out of the car when Louis’ voice stopped me from moving.

“So, that’s it then? No real goodbye at all, you’re just going to leave like that? ” I stayed very still for a moment, searching for the right thing to say. The thing is that there wasn’t anything right for me to say anymore. I didn’t want Louis to choose between Harry and me but somehow, it kind of seemed like he had to. The band comes first and that’s why I made the decision for him.

“It’s for the best, Lou. You’ll all be alot better without me. ” I turned around to meet his gaze and immediately regretted it when I saw he was crying aswell. I let out a loud sob as he jumped forward and hugged me so tightly that I thought I was going to stop breathing.

“You’re wrong you know… I won’t be better off without you. None of us will… Especially Harry. ” Louis mumbled, his face buried in my hair since he was still holding me tight. I sighed heavily as I backed away from his embrace.

“I’m not what’s best for him and Harry deserves the very best. ” I cleared my throat and tried my best not to let my emotions take over me.

“For now, I think it would be better for me to just stay away. ” Once again, I was being completely honest. I lied all summer, I think the least I could do now was to tell him the truth. The truth was that for now, staying away from the boys so Harry can move on was the brightest idea… A really painful idea but still.

“So this isn’t a proper goodbye then? Do you promise? ” Louis asked, his eyes shining with hope. I smiled a little as I wiped my tears stained cheeks with the back of my hand.

“I promise. ” I whispered, that same sad smile stuck to my face. I turned around slowly and lazily made my way out of the car. I was still a bit drunk and suddenly really tired because of all the shouting and tears… It had been a long night and all I wanted to do was go to bed and pretend like none of this ever happened. I let out a loud sigh as I unlocked the front door and got inside at a strangely really slow pace. It almost felt like all the energy had been sucked out of me. I felt… empty. Perhaps this is how it feels like to give up on someone you really love.

Days passed and nothing changed. I only left my bedroom to go eat dinner with my father and his wife but other than that, I spent the entire time locked up in there. No matter how hard I tried to distract myself, my thoughts always brought me back to Harry and how much I missed him. I wondered if he felt the same. I wondered if he thought about me as much as I thought about him. I didn’t hear any news from the boys in days since I threw my iPhone violently against the wall two days after the party. It kept ringing and I didn’t want to find out who had been calling me so I just decided to destroy the damn thing. A bit excessive, I know.

I had just stepped out of the shower when someone knocked gently on my bedroom door. I groaned loudly as I put on a pair of sweatpants. I was really annoyed by whoever that was, especially if it was my dad or his wife since I had told them several times that I just wanted to be left alone to die.

“I’m really not in the mood so- ” I began but stopped myself from saying anything else when I flung the door open to a very pretty looking Claire. As usual; she always looked so damn pretty.

“You’ve been ignoring my calls and texts for days! ” She dramatically exclaimed as she entered my room without any kind of permission or whatsoever. I rolled my eyes and just went along with it so I closed the door behind her and decided to let her say whatever she had to say.

“I smashed my phone against the wall. Sorry. ” I said with a small smile. At first she glared at me but slowly, her glance turned into something quite sad and worried. I didn’t like this one bit.

“Are you ok, Skye? ” She asked me. I let out a loud laugh but it quickly turned into a desperate sigh.

“Oh, I’m fine. Fantastic, really. ” I replied as I reached for my hairbrush. I knew it was all over my face that I was absolutely not alright but I figured Claire was smart enough to deduce that I was joking.

“Do you want to talk about it? ” She sweetly offered. I smiled a little, I was grateful that I had such a good friend like Claire but the last thing I wanted was to talk about all of this mess again.

“I really don’t want to talk, at all. I’m sorry… It’s not you but I just… I’d rather be alone right now. ” I quickly said as I brushed my hair. We locked eyes for a second as I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

“Alright, I’m gonna go but… I have to ask you something first. ” I nodded as a sign of ‘go on, I’m listening’.

“The boys are all coming over to my house tonight… Louis asked me to do it! It’s gonna be like a small get-together, nothing too big or too fancy just casual and- ” Claire began but I turned around and started to talk myself before she could finish her little proposition.

“I know where you’re going with this and I’m not going. ” She noticed how serious and unamused I looked but being the persistent little bossy pants that she is, she kept going.

“Skye, please! You need to talk to them, especially Harry you know and- ”

“I’m not going, Claire! ” I half-screamed, visibly upset and annoyed. I sat down on my computer chair and fiercely opened my laptop, hoping she’d get the message that this conversation was over.

“I’m only doing this for you because they’re leaving tomorrow! ” She exclaimed and in that moment, I was terribly thankful that my back was turned to her so she couldn’t see my tearful eyes.

“Something came up about their upcoming tour in the UK… They’re going home sooner than expected. They’re leaving… Harry is leaving tomorrow morning, Skye. ” She added since I had stayed silent. I didn’t move and say a word for the longest time. Being the huge idiot that I am, tears threatened to fall at any second but I did my best to keep that from happening.

“So that’s why I think you should come tonight and- ” She began but once again, I cut her off.

“Stop talking and just… Can you just leave? ” I mumbled as I stared at my computer screen, too scared and ashamed to look at my best friend in the face. I felt bad for talking to her like that but I was literally about to break and I didn’t want her to witness this. She eventually understood and left my room quietly. I immediately went online to see if there was any news about this change of plans and I very quickly found out Claire wasn’t lying. I read on some fansite that the boys had to go home earlier due to rehearsals for their tour. Claire was right. Harry was leaving tomorrow and there was nothing I could do about it.

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