I was abruptly woken by a loud crash coming from outside the house. It took me awhile to remember where I was since I was in a deep sleep but after a couple of seconds, I realized as I looked outside the window near my bed, that a mysterious boy was walking around a rather big fire and he was also talking loudly to himself. I was about to open my window to say something when the same loud noise happened again but I saw him do it this time, he smashed an empty beer bottle on the ground. My eyes widened in shock as I finally realized who was this stranger hiding in the darkness of the backyard. I sighed very loudly as I got out of bed, ready to go knock some sense into that pretty little head of his. I put on a sweater and immediately made my way out of the bedroom in the hope that I’d get to him before he could wake up anyone else. I ran outside like a mad woman but I didn’t care since I wasn’t the one rejoicing around a bonfire by myself at 4AM. He didn’t hear me walk up behind him so it’s fair to say that he was pretty much surprised when I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around so we could be face to face.
“Harry, what the fuck are you doing!? It’s 4 in the morning, you’re going to wake up the whole neighborhood! ” I hissed as I looked around stressfully. They were luxurious cabins all around ours and I’m pretty sure all of them rich people wouldn’t hesitate to call the cops because there’s a wild teenager making noise in the middle of the night.
“Oh, fuck off. Will you? ” He mumbled, his face a little too close to mine in my opinion. He smelled like beer and the way he talked right this second, I just knew he was completely drunk.
“C’mon, let’s get you to bed. It’s late and you’re obviously really dr- ” I began but his loud and sarcastic laughter stopped me from finishing what I had to say. He downed the rest of his beer as I just stared at him, waiting for him to say something.
“Do you ever get tired of your own bullshit? ” He raged as he threw his empty bottle into the fire. I jumped as the glass shattered on the ground.
“What’s wrong with you!? ” I half-screamed, visibly worried about what he could possibly do next. He took a deep breath as his eyes filled with rage left me shaking like a leaf.
“You! You’re what’s wrong with me! What the fuck do you want? ” He screamed so loudly that I stepped back a little, a bit scared by his angry state. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out, I just couldn’t.
“Yeah, that’s right. What you want is to talk, right? Well, let’s fucking talk then! ” Harry cried out, his voice dripping with bitterness. I held my breath as the nervousness started to sink in. All of this time, I ran after Harry trying to get him to talk because I actually wanted to make things right with him but now that I had to face him… I was completely scared. He stepped closer to me and I couldn’t even look away from his burning gaze. I felt so vulnerable and small compared to him.
“Why did you leave without saying goodbye? ” The awful and heavy silence that followed his question made me weak in the knees. It was this exact question that I was the most anxious about and there I was, face to face with Harry, I simply couldn’t run anymore.
“Did I mean that nothing to you? Why didn’t you tell me!? ” He said in such a low voice that I barely heard him at all. I let out a shaky breath as I searched desperately for my words. I was so nervous and afraid of how this conversation was about to turn out that I was just literally speechless. It took me awhile before I could even get a word out but in the end, I managed to speak.
“It’s completely the opposite! You have to believe me… I just… I just didn’t have the courage to tell you I was leaving. ” I answered him, in all honesty. He scoffed as if my answer wasn’t what he wanted to hear at all, which made me frown.
“I never meant to hurt you, Harry. Please, you have to believe me. ” Our closeness made it easy for me to reach out and cup his face with my hands. He didn’t move or push me away which made me smile a little.
“About what you said on the phone that night… Was any of it true? ” He whispered, his lips brushing against mine. I knew it was wrong and that we shouldn’t be this close to kissing but something deep down inside of me wanted him to.
“I meant it… Of course, I did. ” I said but then, his newly gentle look in his eyes changed radically.
“You did… Yeah, alright, I get it. ” He grabbed my wrists and pushed my hands away as he stepped away from me. I started to panic, I didn’t want him to be mad at me again… Things were going so well for a moment.
“It’s not what I meant but Harry… I just… ” I was at loss for words and Harry clearly noticed. I assumed this is why he was smiling a sad smile.
“Look, I get it. You’ve got a boyfriend now, I don’t matter to you like that anymore. ” I felt my heart clenching in my chest at the sound of his heartbreaking tone. I stayed silent since I honestly didn’t know what to say to him anymore because, well, I wasn’t really dating Matt and it’s Harry that I truly care about but I couldn’t tell him that, of course. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes at any moment and I was trying my best to keep that from happening infront of him.
“I just want to know… What do you want, Skye? What do you really want from me? ” He said quietly, looking intensely into my eyes once again. I took a moment to stop and really think about what I was going to say since I just didn’t want to disappoint him even more.
“Well, I’d like you to forgive me so we could just… make things better. I just want us to stop fighting, Harry! It’s all I want. ” I whispered, looking at the ground since I lied a little. Actually, I wanted much more from him but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even hear him walking up to me.
“So, that’s all you want..? ” He asked, his eyes full of tears. I had to stop myself from bursting into tears and just tell him that all I truly wanted was him and only him but it wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right because all I do is hurt him and I just didn’t want to do that anymore.
“Yes. That’s all I want. ” I replied dryly, trying not to display any sort of emotions even though my voice cracked towards the end. Harry mumbled something along ‘fine’ and ‘whatever’ as he walked past me. His movements were irregular and uncertain due to the alcohol. He almost tripped and fell over so I took that as my cue to go help him before he’d go and hurt himself on the way to his bedroom. I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to me, trying to help him walk and surprisingly, he did not push me away.
“I’ll be fine. ” He said in hushed tones but I did not believe him for a second since he had a hard time to even walk in the first place.
“Shut up and just let me help you get to bed, alright? ” I hissed as I guided him back into the house, trying my best not to make any noise. I really tried my best to be quiet but the drunk idiot by my side wasn’t helping at all. He tripped and talked rather loudly all the way to his room, everything that I tried to avoid basically. I don’t know if any of the boys heard us but as far as I know, no one told me about it. Harry kept repeating that he was fine and that he didn’t need my help. This little voice in the back of my mind kept saying that his words had probably an hidden meaning but I chose to ignore it. We finally got to his room and luckily for me, he found a way to stumble and fall face first onto his bed. I took his shoes off as he just laid there, not moving a muscle. I was about to turn around and go back to sleep when his hand softly grabbed mine. I turned around, surprised that he had so suddenly moved. He looked up at me with those eyes that just made me feel even worst. His eyes were still glistening with tears and it honestly took everything I had in me not to burst out in tears because I couldn’t handle seeing him like this. I let out a shaky breath as he intertwined his fingers with mine. I wonder if he noticed how nervous I was in that moment.
“Stay with me. Don’t leave me alone… again. ” He implored, his last word obviously meaning that he was talking about me, leaving him without saying goodbye, two years ago. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I sat on the bed beside him. He laid down, his hand not leaving mine as his eyes were still burning into mine. No one talked for a very long time which could have been very strange but there was something pleasant about it though.
“Did you miss me..? All of this time, did you even miss me? ” He croaked out, his voice shaking. I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself from crying even more.
“Of course, I missed you. Everyday. ” I whispered as I stared at our holding hands. After awhile, I looked up a bit to look at him and I was very pleased to see him smile. My heart was hurting at the thought of him thinking I didn’t miss him at all. I was relieved to see that he believed me when I said that I did because it was true. I just wanted him to know that.
“I know things will never be the same… It’s too fucked up now and you’ve got a boyfriend… You moved on but… I still love you. ” I sighed as more tears escaped from my eyes. One thing that I will never understand about Harry is probably his love for me. There’s nothing lovable about me… Absolutely nothing.
“I tried my best to be mad and ignore you but… I love you and… I’m pretty sure I always will. ” I sobbed rather loudly at his last words but still, he smiled and reached out with his free hand to pull me on top of him. “ Stay with me, please. ” He pleaded, his husky voice sending shivers all over my body. I moved to the side and snuggled up into his chest. It felt strangely natural, being with Harry… Even though I knew I was wrong for him. After awhile, I looked up to see his eyes were closed and that he was most likely falling asleep. I kissed his cheek thinking he wouldn’t notice but to my great surprise; he smiled, his eyes still closed.
“You’re the greatest guy I’ve ever met, you know that? ” I mumbled into his shirt, squeezing his hand that I was still holding. He pulled me closer to him as he whispered;
“Yeah, I’ve heard. ” He chuckled a bit which made me slap his arm playfully. We laughed for awhile and then we suddenly stopped, it’s like we both realized that we were not fighting or screaming at each other. We were in each other’s arms and… we were laughing. It was clearly abnormal when it comes to us but it was nice. I felt happy and trust me when I say that I did not feel happy in a long time; until that very moment.