Isn't She Lovely - Missing You

Niall, Isabell and their 2 twins are living their life like any other new family would, but what happens when Niall has to go on tour?


12. I Can't Cope With This Pain


It was getting late so I decided to go up to bed. I walked into my room and saw Niall sat in bed. Oh yeah, what am I going to do? He probably doesn't want me sleeping with him. "Niall?" I call to him and step in the room. He glanced at me and didn't say a word. "Why are you treating me like this? What have I done to make you so angry?" I asked him. I seriously don't know why he's getting so worked up about it. I understand the fact that we have lost a child, but stressing on everyone isn't going to change a single thing and if it was would only make things worse. "I'm treating you like this because I'm upset, not angry. You don't get it Isabell. You weren't watching the kids," he sighed and looked somewhere away from my eyes. "Just because I was reading a book doesn't mean that I wasn't watching the kids," I explained. "You're wrong," he was quick to answer. "Niall? Please don't be like this," tears formed in my eyes. "I can't exactly treat you like you did nothing wrong can I now," he answered back. "I have nothing else to say," I said as tears fell from my now burning and sore eyes. All this crying make me hurt...a lot. I turned and walked out the room. "This isn't fair," I whimpered. Why does he have to be like this to me? I care from him and the twins a lot. I walked to the back of the house into an empty room that wasn't being used and sat in there, on the floor, in the centre. I thought this might help clear my mind, with nothing in the room to distract me, but that made it worse. More and more I was thinking about Charlotte and Niall.


I miss her. I love her. I want her back by my side, but I can't just pretend like nothing has happened. I do feel as if it is her fault, but really it's not. I try to tell her I'm sorry and that what I say is not true, but all my anger I feel just shoots straight out of my mouth. Well...all the mean words anyway. Why am I such an idiot? I need to calm my nerves down. I led down on the bed. "This just doesn't feel right," I sighed. I have to say sorry to Isabell, it's not fair on her. I got up and walked into the spare bedroom. "Isabell?" I called out. "Isabell? Where are you?" I called again. I walked into the empty room and there she was a puddle of blood and tears around her as she led flat on the floor. "ISABELL!" I screamed, "This is all my fault!" I ran to her side and held her close to my chest. " "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "WHAT HAPPENED!!??" the boys hurried up to room my voice came from. "I...I....I don't know," I cried. I looked at the puddle of blood and saw a sharp razor. I picked it up, "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED!!" I shouted with anger thrusting throughout my body. I wasn't angry at her. I was angry at me for causing this. "She did this?" Liam was shocked. "I guess she did," tears fell from my eyes. "I'll call the ambulance," Zayn rushed the phone out of his pocket and walked out the room. "She said she would never do this, but my stupid and selfish behaviour drove her to this state," I love her, so why was I so mean to her. "No ones to blame here Niall," Louis rested his hand on my shoulder. I shook it of straight away and stood up to face him, "You don't see it! I'm the one to blame her! I made her do this!" "Niall, the ambulance is on its way," Zayn informed and walked straight out the room. I guess he couldn't deal with all this. "I can't stay in here, I'm sorry. This is just too horrific," Harry backed away out the book and walked fast down the stairs. This isn't what our life is supposed to be. "Ok, here’s the plan, Niall you will go to the hospital with Isabell and the boys and I will search for Charlotte with the police tomorrow, but Zayn will stay back and look after Sam okay?" Liam said taking action. I nodded in agreement. It was good of him, he always helped. "Aren't you going to tell Ashley about all this?" Louis asked Liam. "No, she's got work to do and I can't ruin it for her," he answered. The medics came rushing in and lifted Isabell onto a bed to roll her into the ambulance. The rushed her into the back of the van and I climbed in beside her. I held her hand tight and didn't let go. "Niall?" a medic asked. "Yep that's me," I answered with tears strolling down each red cheek. "You need to let go of her hand," he said. No, I can't. I can't let her go this time. We have been through so much in our lives for me to just let go. I shook my head and refused. "If you don't let go, we can't sort her out and treat her," he said. My hand slowly escaped hers like we would never be attached again. This isn't fair. In any possible way, I want her back. Why did I have to treat her like I said I never would. Tears never stopped falling.

*2 hours later*

I sat on the chair to the left of her bed. Her right wrist was bandaged up. I held her hand closest to me and stroked her palm with my thumb. It was silent and all I could hear was the beeping of all the machines she was attached to. They were very quiet, hardly even heard, but I heard them. The silence of her breath gave me shivers down my spine. If this is how it's going to be, then I will stay like this forever, by her side and not letting her go. She will not leave my side until she gets 100% better. It was late and I was getting tired, but I didn't want to fall. What if she woke while I was gone, in the land of dreams? What if she left without saying goodbye? Too much is happening. I can't cope. This is too painful and the worst thing, it's all my fault. My eyes slowly opened and closed. Dozing on and off, looking at her pain face then into black space. I don't walk to fall, but I can't help it. I'm going. After about 10 minutes of fighting myself not to fall asleep and fell. Into the land of dreams I went and there was no way out until my body had its rest.


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