Isn't it funny how just a few words can turn your perfect relationship to nothing? How one slip up can cause so much fighting and leaving the other standing speechless behind you?
As soon as I left I wanted to go back, but I knew I couldn't. I knew if I did that I'd just give in and go right back to him. I didn't know what I wanted right now. I just wish I hadn't said anything. Now it's ruined. Even if I decided that I wanted a relationship with him, it wouldn't be the same.
I don't know why, but I took a look at my phone and saw that I had no missed calls and no unread text message and I felt a saddness sweep through. I don't know how I manage to get myself in the situations I do.
I had been thinking about Harry and I since the beginning, I just pushed the thought away and told myself to get over it and be happy with him. To live in the moment for the first time. I knew I would fall for him. I knew I would hurt him, too. The moment I saw him, I just knew. I knew things I wasn't sure of with other people.
I knew I could get along with him eventually. I knew we'd end up dating for real, not pretend, sooner or later. I knew the paps would eat our 'romance' story alive. I knew everything.
I wish that I wasn't the way I was, having this huge fear, I mean. But I am. I can't help that I am the way that I am. There are reasons people are the way they are. I have my reasons.
I get tired of being used. I hated being shown off like I was a trophy. I always wanted a relationship where everything was real. I finally had one (kind of) and now I ruined it.
I had been walking around for an hour now, around the town where I grew up. I didn't even know where I was planning on going, I just wanted to walk. I hadn't realised the path my feet had taken until I looked up and saw the average sized house with a fenced in yard and gray exterior walls with white shutters that I would recognize anywhere. I was at Petar Sarac's home. (Pronounced like Peter and the last name how you see it is how it's said. Sar-acc., just has Bulgarian spelling.)
Petar and I had known each other since he first moved here from Bulgaria. I was the only one who was nice to him. He moved here when we were about five so I only knew him for a year before I moved away, but that didn't stop us. We were always on the phone with each other and when we came back to Romania to visit, I would practically live with Petar. We had started to loose touch when we were seventeen which was only a year and a half ago.
When I had moved away, people eventually started talking to him and when he was about fourteen he hit his growth spurt and his muscles began to develope and his face became chisled. All the girls wanted to be with him, but he never payed any attention to them. He quickly became the towns best looking male for his age. When I'd ask him about why he didn't try and give anyone a chance, he'd always have the same response that left me questioning him more. "I want to have someone who is with me because of me. Not because I'm a good looking guy. I just want someone to want me for me."
He was treated as a famouse person, almost. No matter where he went, he'd get the girls staring and the boys glaring for taking the girls attention.
If I'm honest with myself, he's the reason I'm so scared of relationships and committment. I used to love that boy. For two years I was in head over heels in love with him. I knew he'd never want me though. The best friend never gets the guy.
I smilied at myself from remembering all of our childhood memories and started walking towards the door. He didn't know I was here and I didn't care how late it was. He was my Darcy when I wasn't in England and I needed to see him.
I had pushed him out of my head until this moment because everything was too painful with him. We hadn't stopped talking on bad terms, it was more of the fact that we had stopped talking that hurt the most.
I could hear his family speaking the native bulgarian language he taught me. His mother laughing at the joke his father had just said. His sister was laughing, too. His brother was saying how amazing dinner was. And then I heard Petar.
He was saying how loud his family was.I let out a small giggle when I heard that. He and I were always the quiet ones until we were together.
I lifted my hand to the door and knocked on it four times. I heard everyone get a little quieter and I heard footsteps that I hoped had been Petar's.
"Who is it?" I heard him through the door, which really made me want to kick down the door and run inside and hug everyone.
"Ruexandra Cosmina Rotar!" I answered sounding a little too excited.
I heard the little mumbling from the other side of the door come to a halt. The door swung open and Petar stepped out, picking me up in a hug, squeezing me to death.
"Rue! Don't you ever stop talking for me for that long ever again! Do you hear me?!"