What Humans Do

The world of gymnastics is a cruel one and when you get injured on the job you will be seen as easy prey. That's exactly what happened to me. I'm on the UK's Olympic Gymnast team and one day it's all taken from me when I left the gym on a stretcher. Now, I'm fighting my way back to the top of my team. That's the whole point of this whole stunt. Everything with him was perfect, but I couldn't allow that. I could only be with him for a year and a half. That's it. That's the whole point of this publicity stunt, to get back to the top, not to fall for each other. I would NOT, under any circumstnaces, let myself fall in love with Harry Styles.

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34. Over Thinking

"A drunk mans words are a sober mans thought." I read the quote to myself. I had gotten bored and started looking up depressing quotes. It's what I do, when I'm sad, I feel the need to make myself more misreable by looking up depressing things; songs, quotes, books, pictures, everything.   Over thinking ruins you. It ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes things much worse than what they really are. That's my problem. I over think everything. And it's never good thoughts, I always think of the negative. I hate when I'm like this because I close up, stay in my house, and talk to no one. Not Darcy, not Harry. And all that does is make my life more misrable. I wish I was a person who could just go through life without thinking of the bad things, but I'm not.   Sometimes, I think that I'm the reason that I'm so closed up and quite. Because I don't want to give myself a reason to be the way I am. I hate myself when i get like this. Over thinking is driving me insane. It's like screaming but no one can hear you.   It was almost 2:30 AM in the morning. I had been looking for Harry all over the town but I couldn't find him. I figured maybe he came back to the house. Wrong. He wasn't here.   So, here I am. Sititng in my room listening to sad things and looking up sad quotes about 'heartbreak' and 'over thinking'. I sat on my bed listeing to one of the worst songs I could possibly think of listening to. 'If I Die Young' by The Band Perry.   You're probably wondering, 'what's wrong with that song? It's just a song.' I do this to myself and I'll never understand why. I always listen to this song because it makes me sadder than I can possibly hope to never be and there's only one reason. His name is Brandon.   I'm not sure if any of you remember, I've mentioned him a few times but I try to stay away from the topic. He was the boy who died from a car crash. My brothers best friend. Someone who was like a brother to me. It was played at his funeral. A song I once loved and listened to all the time without thinking anything of it now had the horrible power to reduce me to tears with the first breath.   I don't know why I let myself keep this on my iPod to begin with. This was the first I have ever listened to it and not cried. Probably because my mind was too numb to feel it's memories that came hand in hand with the song. As you can guess, my brain just felt numb from the overthinking.   I didn't know if I should wait for Harry to come home or not so I decided to call him to see if there was a rare chance he'd answer. So, I called. And called. And called. I got nothing.   I was tired of thinking and tired of worrying so I changed into my night clothes, turned the iPod off, and went to bed. Makes me sound like a terrible person, huh? Well, I guess I am just that then. ________________________________________________________________ Sorry this is so short and that it's a filler! I just thought you all deserved an update! I'm starting to get some writers block so give me some ideas for my next chapter which will hopefully be up by tomorrow night! Thanks everyone! Comment, favorite, and like! -Ana

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