I lay down on the floor and gave up. I was crying while everyone was staring at me. The paparazzi, the journalists, my crew, my friends, my managers, the security and everyone who was backstage…
Jake: there’s nothing to see! Step away.
Jake and Barry got all the people to move away. Everyone moved away and I heard that they talked about canceling the show.
Allie: You can’t let my fans down.
Jake: but you can’t let us down. We’ll have to move the meet and greet to after the show.
Allie: As long as I get to meet them.
Jake: you will. Right now you just have to stay here and get better.
I was still crying.
Peyton sat down beside me. He took my hand but I took it back. No one was allowed to touch my hands and arms right now.
Jake: Allie you’re sick.
Allie: No I’m not.
I sat up and looked at him.
Allie: I’m not sick. I’m going out to get my hair and make-up done. Tell people that meet and greet will happen in 10 minutes.
Jake: Allie you’re pushing yourself too hard.
Allie: Do as I say or I’ll find another manager.
Everyone started doing their things but I knew the conversation wasn’t over. Everyone outside knew that something had happened inside and my fans would get worried.
I got ready and covered all of my scars with make-up and bracelets. Peyton came into my dressing room.
Peyton: what happened to you?
Allie: This happened. Pressure happened. Being a role model happened. You happened. Austin happened. Music happened. I got the life I wanted and I couldn’t handle it. I’ve been addicted before. Peyton I know I’m sick and I need help but I can’t stop. There’s a reason I lose weight. There’s a reason I look like this. There’s a reason that I’ve become the person I am. It’s because I needed this to happen. This was meant to happen for me.
Peyton: You don’t deserve to be in pain. You’re an inspiration to a million people.
Allie: And they know that I’m taking all of their pain.
Peyton: but it’s wrong!
Allie: I don’t care okay.
I looked and him and if my eyes had been able to kill he would have been dead by now.
Allie: This is my life and I’m tired of people telling me how to live it.
I left for the meet and greet as soon as I had finished up. There were so many people there who wanted to meet me but I only got to meet like 10 people before the show had to start.
All of the girls who were in there asked me what happened backstage because they had heard the screaming and everyone was talking about it outside. I decided not to tell them anything. I would tell people what happened when I got out on the stage. It was time that people knew what was going on with me and especially my fans and Peyton. I was going to do a song with Peyton in this show so it would be easy to get him out on the stage.
The show started and I was singing and smiling all over the face. There were about 2000 people there and everyone was singing my songs. It was nice to be with so many people. It meant a lot for me to have such a good support from all of my fans.