Austin left and I sat there all by myself. What had I done?
I took my phone and went to my room where I packed a bag. I had my license now and Jake had given me a car to drive until I got my own. It was one of his cars. I took some of my stuff and then left. I wanted to work on something. I was still crying when I got out into the car.
I turned the radio up. They were playing the song Austin and I had done together. It usually made me happy when I heard it but it didn’t this time. I drove to the studio and just throw everything I had in my hands. I knew Jake and Barry was there somewhere but I didn’t want to speak with them.
I turned the music on. I wanted to sing something that I had been working on for a while. I turned up the music… maybe a little too loud. Before I even started singing I felt like singing something else. I remembered this band I used to listen to a lot. I put on the music for one of their songs and went back into the microphone. When it was time I heard my own voice in a way that I had never heard it before.
Every time we lie awake, after every hit we make, every feeling that I get, but I haven’t missed you yet. Every roommate kept awake, by every sigh and scream we make, all the feeling that I get, but I still don’t miss you yet. Only when I stop to think about it. I hate everything about you, why do I love you? I hate everything about you, why do I love you?!
The music stopped after that part and I felt how the tears were running down my cheeks and how my throat was sore from screaming into the microphone.
Jake: Allie Raff, please step out here.
Shit… I thought to myself for a moment.
I went out and wiped away the tears from my eyes.
Jake: what are you doing here?
Allie: It’s either here or the next flight to Denmark. I just wanna work this out of my mind okay? I’ll be quiet from now on. I promise. I’m sorry.
Jake: Allie, what happened? You’ve been doing so great through the past months.
Allie: Yeah but I didn’t speak with Peyton for weeks and he moved home and left the country and came back and ignored me for weeks. I can’t work with that. I ended it with him and now I just gotta keep myself going okay?
I was crying on the last couple of words… Who was I kidding? I loved Peyton more than I had ever loved anything in the world.
Jake looked at me for a while then he hugged me. He knew what I was going through, because he knew what these guys had done to me.
Jake: Wanna get half of the day off tomorrow and then work for the night?
Allie: yes please.
Jake went out and got Barry to get back into the room.
Barry: But she’s got to get some rest we’re going to ruin her voice.
Jake: trust me we aren’t did you hear her before? She’s ready again. The day off yesterday was enough for her voice to recover.
Barry: Only one song.
Jake: we only need one more song. It’s a cover album remember?
Allie: I can hear you, you know that right?
Barry: Allie we only need one more song for your album then it will have 3 originals and 12 covers.
Jake: So we’re doing the last song tonight and the track list is that okay?
Allie: yeah it’s great.
I went in and the music went on. This was actually a song I used to love a lot. It remembered me of when I was dancing around in the bathroom back on the college. I had never done a cover of it but I sang it a lot of ustream. It was like my special song.
Jake: Good Allie just kick it. You can do this!
Give me this, give me that, Blow a kiss, take it back, Won’t you look inside my brain, You will find lots of things, Clothes, shoes, diamond rings, Stuff that's driving me insane, You could be preoccupied Different thing, every night You just got to say the word They’re not into you at all They just want material I should know because I've heard When girls say... I want, I want, I want, but that's crazy I want, I want, I want, and that's not me I want, I want, I want, to be loved by you I don’t want accessories I got everything I need I just want to hold your hand But If I could change the world for you I’d turn the skies to green from blue That you know I can't stand When girls say... I want, I want, I want, but that's crazy I want, I want, I want, and that's not me I want, I want, I want, to be loved by you Oh, and now the girls say I want, I want, I want, but that's crazy I want, I want, I want, and that's not me I want, I want, I want, to be loved by you Be loved by you I wanna, I'll stay true
I wanna, if you knew What you put me through But you want, you want, you want me to love you too
I want, I want, I want, but that's crazy I want, I want, I want, but that's not me I want, I want, I want, to be loved by you Oh, now the girls say I want, I want, I want, but that's crazy I want, I want, I want, and that's not me I want, I want, I want, to be loved by you I want, I want, I want, another girl say I want, I want, I want, and that's crazy I want, I want, I want, to be loved by you.
Jake: Amazing Allie! That’s totally insane! You did it the first time! That’s so rare that happens! Be proud girl!
Allie: I am proud!