Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

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29. Words Finally Spoken

Niall’s POV

 

It’s been a week since I’ve had that horrible dream about Isla and since then, I’ve been doing all that I can to find out where she is. I started with her parents but they told me that they didn’t know where she was. But I got the feeling that they did but didn’t or couldn’t tell me. Then I contacted all of Isla’s friends but no luck there, either. I tried to ask them in a way that wouldn’t make them suspicious, I just pretended and said that I’ve been busy with the band and I haven’t been able to reach her lately.

I would contemplate asking my fans on Twitter if they’ve seen her but I couldn’t risk the negative things that would come from it. They might give me false information and it might spread around the world and cause craziness in the media. So I decided against it.

Each day brings me nothing about Isla’s whereabouts but I never give up, not even a little. I would do anything for her, I would risk my life for her.

Thinking this made me remember about the first time that I started having strong feelings for her.

When we first met at Dani’s party, I developed a small crush on her but I didn’t do anything about it because I knew that Harry liked her and I could tell that she liked him back. And when they started going out, I grew a bit jealous. But I couldn’t let it bother me because soon, we had grown to be really close friends.

I kept telling myself that I don’t have feelings for her anymore but every time I see her, I instantly get happier, my smile gets bigger and my heart beats faster. But then Harry would come and hold her, kiss her, whisper things in her ear that would make her blush and giggle. What I would do to be the one that gets to make her happy every day. But I learned to let it go, I had to, or I would risk ruining our friendship.

After the most difficult few months of my life, I was able to take my feelings for her and put it behind me. I only wanted her happy and if being with Harry made her happy, I had to accept that.

But then there was the day that her and Harry broke up….

 

~Flashback~

 

I was on my way to Isla’s house. She had texted me and said that she needed to talk to someone so I told her I’d be there right away.

I drove up to her driveway and parked the car. I quickly got out and ran up to her door and knocked. A few seconds later, she opened the door and what I set my eyes on broke my heart.

Isla was crying.

I quickly walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her.

“Isla, what’s wrong?” I asked frantically.

She started sobbing. “Me and H-Harry just broke up,” she said in between gasps. My eyes went wide at what she had just told me. I suddenly got angry.

“What?! Why’d he break up with you? Where is he? I’ll kill him,” I said, pulling back and looking at her tear-streaked face. I was very protective of Isla and I hated seeing her hurt. And it doesn’t matter who hurts her, I would hurt them for hurting Isla.

“No, Niall,” she said, avoiding my gaze, “I was the one that broke up with him.”

Again, I was shocked with what I had just heard. I stood there speechless. I never thought that they would ever break up, especially Isla being the one to break things off.

And soon, she started sobbing again.

I pulled her back into my arms and started rubbing her back, trying to comfort her. “Oh, Isla, I’m so sorry. Shh, it’ll be alright.”

I just let her cry in my arms, allowing her to let it all out.

She was able to calm down after a while, the only sounds coming from her were light sniffles.

“Come on, let’s go inside and we can talk about it,” I said, pulling away and putting my arm around her waist. I guided her to the living room and we sat down on the sofa. I put my arm around her shoulder as she rested her head on mine. I took my other hand and started rubbing her arm.

I waited a few more seconds before finally speaking. “So, why’d you break up with Harry?”

She sniffled a couple of times before pulling back to look at me.

“I mean, I love him, I really do. But…I just don’t think I…I’m in love with him,” she explained. I listened intently to every word she was saying. “I know it’s bad that I realized this now, after dating for so long but I guess I just tried to make myself fall in love with him. But I couldn’t keep doing it anymore. I know it’d only hurt him even more if I kept going along with him. He deserves someone who will love him back. I love him but just as friends. There’s no sparks anymore when we’re together and I need that spark in my relationship. I felt horrible when I broke up with him. He was so hurt, I could tell by his face. I never wanted to hurt him. He was so amazing to me throughout our whole relationship but I felt guilty that I couldn’t give him what he deserves. He deserves love. And I couldn’t give him that. I’m a horrible person.” Her voice cracked at the last part before falling silent and looking down at her hands.

I shook my head.

“Don’t say that, Isla. You are not a horrible person. You did the right thing. Harry will understand eventually, as long as you told him exactly how you feel about him.”

“I did, I told him that we should just be friends and explained to him everything that I was feeling, everything I’ve been feeling for the last few months of our relationship,” she sniffled. “And what tore me up inside was when he started begging me to give it another chance. He kept telling me how much he loves me and how he can’t stand being away from me…and then he started crying and it killed me.” Tears started welling up in her eyes again. I brought my hands up to her face to wipe the tears that had escaped.

“Isla, don’t beat yourself up about this. It’s okay to feel down after a breakup but things will get better,” I said. “Knowing you and Harry, you guys will remain friends. It’s just gonna take a while but you’ll get there and I’ll be here with you to help you through it.” I gave her a small smile and kissed her on her forehead before pulling her head to the crook of my neck.

“Thank you, Niall,” she sniffled. “You’re so sweet. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend.”

A part of me died when she said ‘as a friend’ but there were bigger problems that I had to deal with right now. And right now, I had to be here for Isla, to help her though this breakup. I’ve been going on for a long time now keeping my feelings for her away and I can’t bring myself to get my hopes up, especially now. They had just broken up and I should just focus on making her feel better.

I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’ll always be here for you.” I paused. “I love you, Isla.”

She thinks that I meant as a friend but what she doesn’t know was that behind those three words held more meaning that she knew, more than she will ever know.

“I love you, too, Ni.”

Those words that Isla said to me affected me more than she knew. She doesn’t know how much power those words held towards me; how much her presence has over me.

I had so many things racing through my mind but I shook them from my head and just focused on comforting the amazing girl in my arms.

 

~End of flashback~

 

It was a surprise to me because I thought that they were deeply in love. And she never told me about it and we tell each other everything. Even though she was the one that had ended the relationship, she was still taking it hard. I was there to console her and cheer her up and eventually she was okay again.

Her and Harry had remained friends but you could sense the awkwardness between them for about a month since they broke up. But I told her to talk to Harry about everything so that they could be friends again. I know that they would still each other in their lives. I thought that I would be happy that they broke up but I still felt bad for her and for Harry.

When things were better again between her and Harry, she was starting to be her regular, bubbly self again. Her and Harry had moved on and would hang out as friends. I was happy for them, I cared about both of them so much and I couldn’t even bear to think that they would go on not being friends.

I guess the only bad thing that came from the breakup was how hard it was to keep my feelings for her away. And every day that I saw her caused my feelings to inch their way back to my heart. And eventually I couldn’t resist it anymore.

And about a year after the breakup, I couldn’t hold it in anymore…

 

~Flashback~

 

“Happy birthday, El!” I said once I arrived to her place.

“Thanks, Niall!” she yelled, clearly buzzed from alcohol already as she walked over to me and gave me a hug.

“Where’s everyone?” I asked.

She paused to think for a while, tapping a finger on her chin. “The guys are in the back along with everyone else but I think I just saw Isla go inside to get some water for Louis, he’s almost passing out on the hammock.” She giggled.

“Okay, cool,” I said.

Then El just stood there staring off into space. I waved my hand in front of her face, laughing, “Earth to El. You alright?”

She shook her head, her attention focusing on me again, “Oh yeah, I was just trying to remember why I came inside for.”

“You had to go to the bathroom!” I heard someone yell from the kitchen. I instantly knew that voice. Isla. A smile grew on my face when I heard her voice but instantly stopped when I realized that El was staring at me.

“Why are you so happy?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

I suddenly grew nervous, quickly trying to think of an explanation.

“Oh…you know, um…I just, I’m just happy that everyone’s here to party on your birthday!” I stuttered. She continued to look at me, still suspicious.

I cleared my throat. “Don’t you have to go to the bathroom?” I said, trying to change the subject.

The expression on her face instantly changed into surprise, already forgetting what we were talking about. “Oh, yeah! Oh my gosh, thanks, Niall. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t told me.” Her eyes grew big, showing how drunker she was getting by the second. I tried holding in my laugh.

“Anytime. Now go before something bad happens,” I laughed. Then she walked past me and headed to the bathroom.

After she left, I took a deep breath and headed to the kitchen. Once I got there, I looked around for Isla but she wasn’t there. She must’ve gone outside. I was heading to the back door when I felt someone jump on my back.

“BOO!”

I jumped out of my skin and yelled. Then all I could hear was Isla laughing as she slid off my back.

“What the hell, Isla?” I said, putting my hand up to my chest, feeling my heart beat a thousand times a minute.

She just giggled at me as she watched me recover from my heart attack.

“Hello to you, too, Niall” she said, grinning at me.

Just as my heart rate was going back to normal, it started to pick up again when I saw her smiling at me. She looked so beautiful today, just like every other day. She was wearing a yellow sundress that came to the middle of her thighs and her hair was in loose waves reaching her waist.

“You okay, Niall?” she said. I realized that I had been staring at her. I shook my head, shaking the thoughts of Isla from my mind. “Do I need to call an ambulance? I didn’t think that I scared you that much.” She giggled.

That laugh of hers. I could listen to it every day.

I cleared my throat. “Um, yeah. I’m fine. Psh, you didn’t scare me.” I tried putting on a calm face.

“Uh-huh. Okay, Niall,” she said sarcastically.

I just grinned at her and slowly started walking closer to her.

“And you’re gonna pay for that,” I said, smirking.

She started taking steps backwards, a playful grin on her face. “Let’s see you try.”

I continued to walk closer to her until Isla was stopped by the counter behind her. I decided to get back at her by tickling her. I could take advantage of this situation right now. I just hope it doesn’t turn out bad. But I didn’t even want to think about it right now. I thought my feelings for her went away. But they never did. I just went day by day being tortured every time I see her with Harry. And even when they broke up, I wasn’t happy because I knew that she wouldn’t like me back. Plus, how could I hope that I would be with Isla when she’s gone out with my best friend. I could never do that that to either of them.

But right now, I didn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t notice anything around me. It was just me and Isla.

I walked closer to her. Closing the space between us. I put my hands up to her waist, pulling my body up to hers. I watched her with a tense stare as her playful expression was replaced with a serious face as she stared back at me.

I had just planned to corner her and tickle her until she begs me to stop but soon my self-control was taken over and I just continued to move my face closer to hers. Our faces were only an inch apart, I could feel her warm breath on my face, realizing that her breathing got harder.

Our eyes never left each other’s until I saw hers flicker for a second to my lips and then back to my eyes. She had put her hands up to my chest, lightly placing them there.

“Niall,” she whispered. I didn’t know whether she said my name because she wanted me to stop or because she wanted me to kiss her.

I took my chances and finally closed the small distance between our lips. I kissed her softly at first, trying to get a response from her. She was frozen at first but soon she started kissing me back, harder than I was kissing her. She slowly ran her hands up to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. I responded to her urgent kiss, tilting my head to one side to deepen the kiss even more. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her even closer while she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling our chests together. This is the moment that I’ve dreamed about since I first met her and it’s finally come true. I pulled back for a second to catch my breath and to tilt my head to the other side before going in for another kiss. Our lips moved together in unison and I started to lick her bottom lip with the tip of my tongue. Our breathing got louder and heavier, it was the only thing I could hear other than the sound of my own beating heart, thumping against my chest. We continued to kiss as I started to move my hands down to her thighs, running them up and down and then settling just at the hem of her dress. I traced the tips of my fingers on her exposed skin, feeling her shiver at my touch. I started trailing my fingers up, lifting her dress along with them until we heard a door close.

We instantly pulled away from each other, staring into each other’s eyes and trying to catch our breaths. I saw El appear from the hallway with Isla’s back facing her. We tried to calm our breathing as she passed us with a suspicious look.

“What were guys doing?” she asked. Isla stayed put with her back to El, trying to hide her face, which now had swollen lips.

“We were just talking,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant, “we’ll be out soon.” I gave her a small smile.

She didn’t budge and just continued to look between me and the back of Isla’s head. I spotted the water bottle on the table and grabbed it. I heard Isla take in a sharp breath when the sides of our bodies touch at my move.

“Here,” I said, holding it out to El, “you should get this to Lou before he gets sick.”

She just looked at me for a few more seconds before finally taking the bottle, deciding that she didn’t want to bother anymore. Or she was too drunk to.  I watched her as she silently walked away and went outside.

I took a deep breath and spun sideways so I was facing the side of Isla’s body, leaning on the counter. I watched her as she stared ahead of her, avoiding my heated gaze.

I waited for her to say something but she didn’t.

“Isla,” I said. She still wouldn’t look at me. I pushed myself away from the counter and walked in front of her. She immediately looked down. My heart dropped to my stomach. Did she regret the kiss?

Of course, she didn’t. She was into that kiss as much as I was.

I brought my hand up to her chin, lifting it up and forcing her to look into my eyes. The second her green ones met mine, I felt my heart flutter and butterflies started going crazy in my stomach. I moved my hand from her chin and placed it over her cheek. I saw her eyes close as she took in a deep breath and leaned her head into my hand. I watched her and waited for her to say or do anything. And when she finally opened her eyes, it was accompanied with a small smile.

In less than a second, I returned her smile with one of my own. We stared at each other for a few seconds before she finally spoke. “So was that your way of getting back at me for scaring you?” She grinned at me.

I looked away, down to the ground. “At first it was but then…” I suddenly got really nervous. I paused for a few seconds before I finally spoke the words to her that I’ve been dying to say to her since I first met her. “…my feelings for you took over.”

She remained silent after what I had just said. Seconds went by dreadfully, waiting for her to say something. What I got in response was her hand on my cheek. I brought my eyes up to hers again and saw them staring back at me affectionately.

“I’m glad they did,” she whispered. And with that, she placed her lips on mine again. This kiss was much softer than our first one but it was so much more meaningful. She now knows how I feel about her. And right now, I feel like the happiest person in the world.

I finally had her.

 

~End of flashback~

 

I had a huge smile on my face the entire time I had that flashback. That was one of the best nights of my life and I will never forget it.

But soon my smile faltered as I realized where I was. I wasn’t just in my room. I was in a place without Isla beside me. I needed her. I missed her.

I needed to find her.

 

*********************************************

 

Hope you like this part :) 

Please comment what you think of this chapter, i had a hard time writing it! but i think it turned out how i wanted it. so please let me know what you thought :)

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