Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

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48. Tug-o-War

Isla’s POV

 

“Isla, I am so, so, so, so sorry!”

“Liam, for the millionth time, it’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is! If I hadn’t made you go up there and sing in front of everyone, you wouldn’t have passed out. Oh god, I’m so so--”

I placed my hand on top of his mouth, silencing him. He was starting to get belligerent.

“Liam, listen to me very carefully,” I said slowly, keeping my hand on top of his mouth to make sure he understood every word. “I didn’t pass out because of the dare, okay? Please stop blaming yourself.”

I raised my eyebrows at him and waited for an answer. Since my hand was still placed on his mouth, he just nodded in reply.

“Good, now I’m going to take my hand off of your mouth. If you try and apologize again, I’m going to tape your mouth shut for the rest of the night.” He nodded once again.

I slowly took my hand off, watching him carefully. When he stayed silent, I took a breath of relief. Him and Zayn had been apologizing to me the whole ride home from the restaurant. Zayn stopped once I threatened to mess up his hair but Liam was being persistent.

What’s worse is that everyone was babying me once we got back to Louis and El’s place. They would help me when I walked and when I would sit down. They would get me drinks and snacks even though I didn’t ask for anything. It was starting to get on my nerves.

I looked around at everyone in the living room, all of them looking at me carefully, like I was going to die or something.

“Guys, will you please stop worrying about me? I swear, I’m fine.”

“Why did you pass out, though?” Harry asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe I was dehydrated or something.”

I don’t know why I couldn’t just tell them that I passed out because of the memory that I remembered. Maybe it was because I was worried that they would think that something was wrong with my brain since I pass out when I get certain memories back.

“Maybe you should go see the doctor,” Niall said, answering my thoughts.

“I don’t need to see the doctor, I’m fine.”

“Isla,” Niall said. “There could be something wrong.”

“There isn’t!” I snapped, shocked looks appearing on everyone’s faces. I was starting to get annoyed.

I don’t know why I was being so stubborn. Maybe there was something wrong. I mean, I didn’t pass out last time I got a memory back.

“Isla, we just want to make sure that everything’s okay,” El said softly.

Guilt washed through me as I looked down at my hands on my lap. I thought it over in my head carefully, thinking about the risks of what actually happened to me. I didn’t want to worry about it and, more importantly, I didn’t want everyone else to worry about it, either.

I took a deep breath.

“Fine, I’ll go.”

Relief washed through their faces and they started to stand up.

“Uh, what are you guys doing?” I asked, shooting up from the couch.

“I thought you said you agreed to go to the hospital,” Liam said, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“Yes, so I am going to go to the hospital. You guys don’t need to go with me.”

“Take one of us at least,” El said.

I slumped my shoulders in defeat. “Fine.” I looked around at everyone, all of them looking at me expectantly. “Um, Niall, could you go with me?”

“Of course!” he exclaimed, a smile present on his face.

I thought that it would be a good time to get some answers from Niall. I’d ask him the same thing I asked Harry back at the bowling alley. I needed to figure everything out as soon as possible.

“Okay, let’s go,” I said. Everyone else slumped back into their seats as me and Niall headed to the door.

“Let us know what happens!” El said.

“I will,” I replied. I was about to open the door when my eyes stopped on Harry. He noticed I was looking at him and he gave me a sad smile. He probably wanted to go with me to the hospital. I just gave him a small smile before I opened the door and went outside with Niall.

We got into Niall’s car and he started driving to the hospital. I pulled out my phone and clicked on ‘Messages’.

I went to Harry’s name, deciding to send him a text.

I know that you want to go to the hospital with me but I thought that it would be an opportune time to talk to Niall, just like I talked to you today. I need to know how he feels. I hope you understand. You know I would let you go to the hospital with us on any other occasion.

I nervously waited for a reply and I got one right away.

Of course I understand :) Don’t worry about me. I understand you need to talk to Niall. Hope everything will be okay. With Niall and at the hospital. I’ll wait here for when you come back.

I couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my face. Harry has been so sweet since the conversation we had at the bowling alley. I hope that this wasn’t just an act to win me over. But that thought left my mind as quickly as it came. Harry would never do that.

But then again, he did lie to me for that whole month. So I knew that I had to keep some of my guard up. I have to keep everything in mind towards Harry and Niall.

At the thought of Niall, I brought my attention back to reality. I looked over at Niall. He had been silent the whole car ride.

“Hey, Ni, you okay?”

He looked over at me and smiled before focusing back on the road.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’ve been quiet the whole car ride.”

He stayed silent at first, looking like he was deep in thought.

“I know you told us not to worry but I can’t help it. I thought something horrible happened to you. When you passed out, I was so scared.”

“Scared about what?”

“Scared that you weren’t going to wake up.” He looked over at me when we stopped at a red light, sadness filling his eyes. I placed my hand on top of his, which was resting on his leg.

“I’m sorry. But I promise, I’m okay. Everything will be fine.” I gave him a reassuring smile, getting a smile in return before he drove again.

“I really hope so. I just wanted to make sure that everything’s fine and that it won’t happen again,” he said.

We arrived at the hospital and he parked the car by the emergency room entrance. Niall got out and he rushed around the front of the car and opened my door for me. I stepped out and looked up at him.

I suddenly grew nervous. Only I knew the cause of my blackout and I felt guilty about keeping it from them, especially Niall.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

“Niall, can I tell you something?”

Curiousity filled his eyes as he looked at me.

I cleared my throat.

“The reason that I passed out was because…I got some of my memory back. Well, actually, just one memory.”

His face turned to shock before it changed into curiousity again.

“What was the memory?”

I look away from Niall and turned my focus on the ground.

“It was with you,” I whispered.

Niall stayed silent, probably waiting for me to explain further.

“It was our two-month anniversary and you had sang to me on my front yard because you had forgotten about it. I remember crying the whole day. I remember you throwing rocks against my window. I remember you singing ‘Gotta Be You’ to me. I remember running to you and kissing you.” I paused and looked up at him and looked into his eyes. “I remember how much we loved each other.”

His expression was unreadable. He just continued to look at me as silence surrounded us. I knew I had to keep going. I knew I had to say everything else I needed to say to Niall or I’d most likely chicken out.

“Niall, I’m glad I got that memory back but I need to know how you feel right now. Harry told me that you and him talked and that you’re waiting for me to make a decision. But I need to know how both of you feel first. I already talked to Harry. Now, I need to know how you feel.”

He looked away and stayed silent. Right when I was about to say something, he looked back at me.

“Can we get you checked first?”

My eyes widened and I stood there in shock at his question. But I didn’t want to question him about it so I just let it go and nodded in reply.

“And then you’ll talk to me?”

He nodded. “I promise. Now, let’s go,” he said with a smile before leading the way to the hospital.

I had signed in at the front desk and we waited in the waiting room for the doctor to see me. Fortunately, there weren’t many other people so we got to the see the doctor right away. It turns out that we had the same doctor that took care of me after my accident. So I had told him what had happened today and he had me do an x-ray and a quick MRI to make sure that nothing was wrong with my brain. When the results came, the doctor told us that I was fine and that, most likely, my brain had become overwhelmed with the memory and that it was perfectly safe. He told me that the next time that I start to experience the feeling that I get when I get a memory back, I should take deep breaths, sit down and stay calm. However, he told me that it shouldn’t happen many times more. After that, the doctor told me that I was perfectly fine and that I was okay to go home.

Me and Niall headed for the exit and we stepped outside into the cold night. We quickly walked to the car and he turned on the heater before leaving the hospital parking lot.

I sat there waiting for him to say something, to continue where we left off before I got checked up. But he stayed silent.

“I’m gonna text El and tell her that everything’s okay and that we’re headed back.”

He just nodded, not taking his eyes off of the road.

His silence was starting to irritate me. So I just took out my phone to text El but when I opened it, I saw that I had a new text from Harry.

Hope everything’s okay :)

I smiled at the thought that Harry was thinking about me.

Everything is perfectly fine. Sorry if I worried you. We’re headed back now. Can you just let everyone else know? Thanks :)

Not even half a minute later, I got a reply.

That’s great! Glad you’re okay. And sure, I’ll let them know. Drive safe.

I locked my phone after reading his text and looked out the window. Niall still hasn’t spoken and, honestly, I wasn’t going to bother asking him about it. If he wanted to let me know whatever he was thinking, he can go right ahead.

We made it back to Louis and El’s place, still not a word from Niall as he parked in the driveway. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car. I closed the door behind me and rushed towards the house.

I heard Niall closing his car door and following behind me.

“Isla.”

“Yes?” I said, not bothering to stop as I kept walking to the front door.

“Isla, will you stop walking away from me?”

I stopped dead on my tracks but I didn’t turn around. I could feel him walk up to me from behind. I anxiously waited there in my spot, waiting for his next move.

“Can you look at me, please?”

“Why? So I can continue to wait while you stand there saying nothing.”

“Isla--”

“I’m dealing with a lot right now and I don’t want to deal with unnecessary things. If you’re not going to take what I said earlier seriously then I’m not gonna bother listening to what you have to say.”

He walked around me so that he was standing right in front of me. I avoided his gaze as I looked down at my feet. A few seconds later, he made me look straight into his eyes by pulling my chin up with his finger.

“Isla, I am taking it seriously. What makes you think I wasn’t?”

“I thought that right after we left the hospital, you would start talking. But you didn’t and you still haven’t.”

He sighed, pausing in thought.

“It was only because I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you but then I realized that when it comes to us, I shouldn’t have to think about it. I should just say what’s in my heart.” He paused, taking a deep breath and taking a step closer to me. “Isla, I love you more than anything or anyone in the world. I can’t imagine my life without you. Being best friends with you was amazing but being in a relationship with you was the best feeling in the world. You make me happy and when we’re not together, I just think about when I’m going to be able to see you again. Not only do you make me happy but I love being the one that makes you happy. I love making you smile and laugh, I could spend the rest of my life just watching you smile and laugh. I know that you don’t remember a lot of the time that we were together but I want you to know that it was the happiest that I have ever been. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world just being around you but being able to hold you and kiss you, I felt like I was in heaven. I loved you so much. And I still do, more than ever. I will do anything for you and I will do even more to have you be mine again. I love you, Isla.”

Tears were now flowing down my face but I couldn't help but smile at the words that Niall just said to me. He gave me the smile that I grew to love and before I knew it, I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head against his chest. He instantly wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into the crook of my neck, his breath on my skin sending shivers down my spine.

“Thank you, Niall.”

He chuckled. “That’s all you have to say after I just poured my heart out to you.”

My smile grew as I pulled back to look at him but I kept myself in his arms.

“There’s so much that I want to say to you right now but I need some time to think everything through. About you and about Harry. I hope you understand.”

“I do, don’t worry,” he said, giving me an understanding look.

Sadness filled me at the next question that was on my mind and I looked away.

“Niall, what would you do if I choose Harry?” I said, my voice shaking.

I looked up at him when he didn’t speak and I saw pain in his eyes, just like Harry’s when I asked him the same question.

“Then I have to let you go,” he whispered. “It’ll kill me but I just want you to be happy. But I’ll still love you, Isla.”

My heart squeezed in my chest at his words and the worry that I had about hurting one of them was quickly inching its way back into my mind.

“I hate knowing that I’m going to end up hurting one of you. I don’t want that.”

“I know, I know. But, as twisted as it sounds, love hurts people sometimes. You just have to think about what you want, that’s all that matters.”

I groaned as I buried my face against his chest. “Can’t I just have both of you?”

He laughed, feeling the vibration against his chest. “I don’t think I’d be able to share you with someone else. If you’re mine, you’re only mine, no one else’s.”

I just stayed silent, listening to the sound of his heart beating in his chest.

After what felt like forever, a ringing interrupted the silence around us. I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket and I reluctantly pulled myself out of Niall’s arms to answer my phone.

“Hello?”

“Isla, where are you? You said you were headed home already,” El said through the phone.

“Sorry, we’re here. We were just talking,” I said.

“Oh, okay. Well, hurry. We miss you.”

I smiled. “Miss you, too. We’ll be in in a second.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, El.”

I hung up and put my phone back into my pocket.

“That was El. She’s wondering what’s taking us so long.”

He nodded. “Actually, I’m just going to say bye to them and head home. We go back to work tomorrow morning.”

“Oh right, I forgot,” I said, pouting.

“Aww, don’t worry, we won’t be working long tomorrow since it’s our first day back. I’ll come see you after.”

“Okay,” I said, a smile reappearing on my face.

“Let’s go in then,” he said before opening the front door. We walked in and noticed that it was only Louis, El and Harry left. Louis and Harry asleep on the couch. Once El heard us come in, she came out from the kitchen and walked over to me before hugging me.

“So glad you’re okay.”

“I told you everything was fine,” I teased.

She pulled back and gave me a serious look. “Yeah but we didn’t know that for sure.”

“I know. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

A smile quickly replaced her stern face. “It’s okay, love. Just as long as we know you’re okay. But anyways, Zayn, Liam, Perrie and Dani left a while ago since they have work in the morning but they know you’re okay. They said they’d all come over after they finish work. And Lou and Harry passed out long too long afterwards. I’m going to put Lou into bed. And Harry told me to wake him up when you got here. You can wake him up if you want.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Are you going home now, Niall?” she asked.

“Yeah, back to work tomorrow.”

“Okay, well good night and I’ll see you tomorrow.” She walked over to Niall and gave him a hug.

“Good night, Isla.” She gave me a hug before she pulled away, walking over to Lou’s sleeping body and gently woke him up. Lou got up and said bye to Niall before groggily going up to his room with El.

After we said another goodnight to Lou and El, I turned to Niall.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said with a smile. “Good night, Isla.” He walked up to me before hugging me.

“Good night, Niall. Thank you for taking me to the hospital.” We pulled away and took a step back.

“No worries,” he said. He looked down at his watch. “I should go. Do you need help with Harry?” We both took a quick glance at Harry’s sleeping form on the couch.

“No, I’ll be okay.”

“Alright, well, good night again.”

“Good night.” With that, he turned around and headed for the door. He waved before opening the door and leaving, closing the door quietly behind him.

My gaze turned to Harry as I walked up to him. I sat down on the edge of the sofa and lightly ran my fingers through his hair.

“Harry.”

No response.

“Harry.” I continued to run my fingers through his hair but he still wouldn’t wake up. So I decided to place my hand on his shoulder and shake him gently.

“Harry, wake up.”

“Go back to brushing my hair.” He still had his eyes closed.

I lightly slap his arm as a grin appeared on his face. He finally opened his eyes as he slowly got up into a sitting position. I moved a bit so he could swing his legs over the edge of the couch. He stretched before landing his eyes on me.

“So everything’s okay?” he asked.

“Mhm. The doctor did some tests to be sure and he said I was fine.”

“Okay, that’s good.” I was glad that he didn’t ask whether I knew what had really caused my blackout.

“You should go home and get some proper sleep. You guys start work again tomorrow.”

He yawned before turning to me again. “Yeah, I should. Anyways, I’ll see you again tomorrow. We’ll talk then when I’m not half asleep.”

I laughed. “Same here. I have a lot to think about tonight, too.”

His face turned serious, understanding what I meant.

“So, you talked to Niall?”

“Yes, I did.”

He stayed silent for a few seconds.

“That’s good. At least now you know how we both feel.” He paused, giving me a small smile. “But I won’t bother you about it much more. I should head home now.” He got up and I did the same.

“Good night, Isla.”

“Good night, Harry.”

He put his arms around me and after returning the hug, we pulled away and he headed for the door. He opened the door before looking back at me.

“Sweet dreams,” he said, smiling his winning smile.

I smiled back. “You, too. Drive safe.”

He nodded before stepping outside and going to his car. I closed the door once he pulled out of the driveway and leaned against the door.

Even though it was completely silent in the house now, my thoughts were loud and coming all at once.

I had a lot of thinking to do tonight. A lot happened today. With Harry. With Niall.

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

Soon, one of them will win. And I just hope that I figure out which side I want to be in, which side has worked harder in showing me how much they love me.

I love them both.

But I know that it isn’t Harry and Niall that will decide who my heart belongs to.

It’s all up to me.

 

*****************************

 

Please let me know what you think :) This chapter took me a loooong time to write, it was 10 pages on Word!

So anyways, please like, comment, favourite and fan!

Thanks for reading!

Love you guys <3

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