Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

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4. The Truth

 

We arrived at our place after Zayn and Liam picked up Perrie and Danielle. Everyone grabbed food and drinks from the kitchen and brought it outside to the backyard.

Everyone did their own thing for a while, just sitting and drinking, going in the pool, talking. Once it got dark Niall set a little campfire and everyone sat around it.

We were just talking, played a few rounds of truth or dare and ‘Would You Rather’. Then everyone started having their own conversations with each other. Niall was talking to Liam so I took this opportunity to talk to Harry since he was just sitting there with a beer in his hands, not talking to anyone.

“Hey, I’m just going to get some more food and drinks, I’ll be right back,” I told Niall, standing up.

“Okay, babe,” he said, standing up and giving me a quick kiss then sitting back down and continuing to converse with Liam.

“Umm, Harry, could you help me?” I looked at him, trying to seem casual. He seemed surprised when I spoke to him but he nodded and got up and we walked inside the house. Every step I took closer to the house, the faster my heart beat and the more I got nervous.

We entered the kitchen and I grabbed some chips and a case of beer and put it on the counter.

“I’ll bring the drinks out,” Harry said, reaching for the beer.

I stopped him by putting my hand on top of his, which was on the case of beer. Once again, I felt him flinch at my touch but he didn’t make any gesture to remove his hand.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” I said, trying hard not to sound nervous as I let go of his hand.

“Um, yeah, sure, what’s up?” he said, looking at me intently.

“Can we talk somewhere more private?” I said, looking out of the sliding door windows where I could see everyone else, which means that they could see me and Harry. Also, I didn’t want anyone walking in on us while we were talking.

“Yeah, okay” he said, nodding.

“Let’s go to my room,” I said, I wasn’t sure if the bedroom was the right place to talk to him but it was the best place to talk to without getting interrupted. So I headed to my bedroom with Harry following closely behind.

 

**

 

I closed the door quietly once we got inside and I turned around to see him sitting on the end of my bed, looking around my room. I slowly walked towards him and sat on the other side of the foot of the bed, facing him.

“So…” Harry said, breaking the silence, which I didn’t notice because I was thinking of how to start things off.

“Okay, I-I don’t know how else to say this but…” I said, trying hard to avoid eye contact, “I know that you still…have feelings for me?” It came out sounding like a question but I didn’t intend it to. Or maybe I was hoping that Harry would answer and say that it wasn’t true. That what El told me wasn’t true. I noticed that he didn’t say anything for a while so I nervously looked up at him.

He was looking at me with a blank expression but it soon turned to sadness.

“It’s true?” I asked, quietly. I waited for him to answer but he just nodded slightly and continued to look at me. “Can you tell me why?”

He looked away and stayed silent for a while until he cleared his throat and then looked at me again. “Lately I’ve been seeing you and Niall and everyone else always together as couples and being so happy and…I started to feel left out and lonely. And then it made me remember when we were together and how happy we were. How happy I was with you. How I couldn’t wait to see you every day and hold you and kiss you and just be with you. When you broke up with me, it broke my heart. I didn’t want us to break up but I wanted you to be happy and if you wanting us to just be friends would make you happy, I had to accept that. But every day since then I’ve been trying to move on, I tried going out with other girls but none of them were as amazing as you. And seeing you with Niall so happy just made me miserable. I--” He paused for a few seconds. “I missed you.”

Every word that Harry said broke my heart. Everything he said about when we were together and after we broke up cut deeper and deeper and tears started forming in my eyes as I had flashbacks of our time together. I tried stopping the tears but one rolled down and I quickly wiped it away. I tried to think of what to say, of what I was feeling at the moment but it was all muddled in my brain. But I had to quickly say something.

“Harry…” I started to say, quietly, “I understand how you feel but…I’m with Niall now and I love him.” I looked at him and saw a hurt look on his face. “What we had was special. But the passion wasn’t there anymore. In the beginning, it was amazing. I loved all the time we spent together. But soon, the sparks weren’t there for me anymore. I’m sorry if I hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you but I realized that we would be better off as friends. I didn’t want to go on pretending and end up hurting you even more if we had stayed together longer. And when I broke up with you, you had said that you felt the same. I thought that we would be okay and that we would be good friends. But…I guess that wasn’t the case. I-I don’t know what else to say.” I looked into his eyes and saw tears forming in his eyes too.

“But I--“ I tried to say but Harry had grabbed my face and kissed me hard. I was in complete shock and I froze but then I tried to push him off of me but he was too strong.

I heard the door open and someone say, “Hey Isla, what was--WHAT THE HELL?!?”

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