Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

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44. Realization

Isla’s POV

 

It was now midnight and everyone except the boys, El, Perrie and Danielle had left and we were all sitting around the bonfire.

I was contemplating on whether to tell the girls what I had told the boys back in Presteigne but I decided that it would be better than to put it off for tomorrow so that tomorrow, I’d only have to worry about finding out what everyone had to tell me.

So, I cleared my throat, catching everyone’s attention.

“I was going to save this for tomorrow but I think it’ll be better if I say it now,” I said. They all looked at me with concerned looks. “I just wanted to let the girls know what I told the you guys back in Presteigne. Um…”

I proceeded to tell them, well mostly towards the girls, the same thing that I had told the boys back in Presteigne. I apologized for the way I left but I also told them everything that I felt when I found out the truth and what had caused me to make the drastic decision to leave.

I told them how depressed I became and how homesick I was but how scared I was to go home thinking that they would be angry with me.

I told them about wanting to take my life and how James had saved me.

And then the hard part came and I told them about the hell I experienced with James. The three of them immediately started crying and I had to avoid looking at them because I knew that I would end up crying myself. Harry and Niall were tearing up and the rest of the boys had solemn looks on their faces so I focused my attention on the burning flames in front of me.

I told them about the boys coming to save me and everything that had happened afterwards.

I thought that it would be easier telling it the third time around, after telling the boys and then my parents, but it wasn’t. It was just as hard. But I was able to keep the haunting image of James out of my mind and focus on everyone around me.

After I finished telling them, the three of them got up and hugged me.

“I’m so sorry, Isla,” Perrie said.

“I can’t even imagine what you went through,” Dani spoke.

“I wish we could’ve saved you sooner,” El cried.

“It’s okay. There was nothing any of you could’ve done. Don’t worry about it anymore, it’s all in the past now. I just want to forget about it.”

After a few more moments, we broke apart and we sat back down in our seats. Zayn and Liam were comforting Perrie and Dani but El stayed beside me and held my hand.

I felt relief knowing that all of them know everything now. I felt like I owed it to them to tell them everything after the hurt that I caused them. But I was still feeling guilty about the trouble I caused and I knew that I needed to do more to make up for it.

After about an hour, the sky was growing dark and the atmosphere around us was feeling light again as we started talking about other things, the previous conversation already being forgotten. I was chatting with the girls but I would occasionally glance at Niall and Harry across from me on the other side of the bonfire. A couple of times, I saw them looking at me and I wondered whether they were talking about me; but they were talking with the rest of the boys, so I doubted it.

As I snuck glances at them, I kept remembering everything that happened earlier today on our way home. The conversation I had with Harry and the near-kiss we had. I was left confused after that because I didn’t know exactly how I felt towards him. The last I remembered from before I found out the truth, I was still in love with him. But now, things are different.

And with Niall today, when he held me while we were in the store at the gas station, I had felt something. But again, I was left even more confused because I felt so comfortable with him. I wasn’t sure whether it was because I still see him as my best friend or I was starting to feel something more with him.

I needed to talk to someone about this. I feel like if I say it out loud, I’ll get the truth out, so I turned towards El and leaned towards her.

“Hey, El,” I whispered. She leaned forwards and looked at me. “Can I talk to you in private for a second?”

“Sure,” she replied. She leaned back and whispered something into Louis’ ear before he nodded and looked between her and me. Me and El stood up and we excused ourselves from the rest of the girls. I felt bad about leaving them out but I felt the closest with El and she knows everything between me and Niall and Harry. And it seemed like they understood because they smiled at me and nodded before they continued with their conversation.

As we were walking away, I could see Niall and Harry watching us from the corner of my eyes but I avoided their gazes as me and El walked over to the porch swing off to the side of the yard where no one could hear or bother us.

We sat down and we let silence fill the air for a few moments, just letting the swing slightly move back and forth. I guess El was waiting for me to talk because she just sat there and looked up at the dark sky.

“El?” I asked.

“Finally! I thought you were never going to talk,” El exclaimed.

I laughed as I watched El looking anxiously at me before turning slightly towards me in her seat.

“What’d you want to talk about, babe?” she asked.

I fidgeted with my fingers and looked down at my lap.

“It’s about…Niall and Harry.”

Silence filled the air.

“I thought so,” she said. I slowly looked up at her. “What happened?”

I took a deep breath and looked over at Niall and Harry before looking back at El.

“Well, today when we were heading home, I was with Harry in his car for the first half of the drive. And he started talking about us and asked how things were between us. But I told him that I didn’t know and that I wanted to take some time for myself to straighten things out first. He seemed upset, I mean, I basically broke up with him again even though things between us were complicated before I left. But then…when we stopped at the gas station and…we almost kissed.”

“What?” El said incredulously. “Isla, how could you--”

“I know. I know. I was glad that Louis stopped us because I know for sure that it would’ve messed everything up. I was so confused after that. I mean, I just told him that I needed time for myself and then, the next second, we’re almost kissing. I don’t know what he thinks now. I don’t even know what to think. The last thing I remember from before I found out the truth from you guys was being in love with Harry. I was happy. I mean, of course I still love him. Before I found out the truth, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. I loved being near him. I loved the time we spent together. He was my first love. It hurt me whenever I thought about ever being apart from him. But then, I found out the truth and I don’t know what to feel anymore. And it’s all complicated now.

“And then there’s Niall. The last thing I remember about things with Niall is that we were just best friends. I would’ve never thought that we would be together. I would’ve never thought that he would have feelings for me. And today, while we in the store, he put his arms around me and I…felt something. I’ve never felt it towards Niall and it scared me. It felt like I’ve felt it before. I mean, I have but I don’t remember. I know that I must’ve loved him to risk our friendship to be together. I cherished our friendship and I couldn’t even imagine us not being friends. Just knowing how much I must’ve loved him, I wish that I could remember. Being best friends with him was amazing and I’d do anything to know what it felt like to be loved by him and to love him back.

“I’m so confused now and I keep going in circles with my thoughts. I just wish that I could remember. But at the same time, I’m worried about hurting one of them. I know I will hurt one of them eventually. I’ve hurt them enough already and I don’t think I can handle doing it again. I don’t know what to do, El. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know how I feel.”

I paused, realization hitting me hard.

I’m in love with both of them. I was just too scared to admit it. I was scared because I knew that loving both of them would mean that I would eventually hurt one of them.

I stopped and took a deep breath, realizing how out of breath I was from telling El everything. I looked up at her and saw her looking at me with sympathetic eyes before grabbing my hand.

“Isla, I’m so sorry,” she said. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through.”

She looked away for a while, looking like she was deep in thought. I gave her some time before she looked back at me.

“I think that the only thing I can tell you that can help you is to just follow your heart. I know that things are complicated right now but things will eventually get better and you’ll know what to do. You’ll know what to think. And, most importantly, you’ll know how you feel. You need to talk to each of them separately and let them know exactly how you feel. Once you’ve done that, you’ll know. Eventually, you’ll know who your heart belongs to.

“With Harry, I know you still love him and he still loves you. You don’t remember what happened between the two of you when you broke up but I can tell you that it broke him but it also broke you when you saw how hurt he was. But he knows how you felt, he knows that you only saw him as a friend. But love does crazy things and I can say that love did a whole lot of crazy between you and Harry, especially when he had to pretend to be going out with you again. Don’t look at the past, look at the present and how you feel for him now.

“And with Niall, you need to do the same thing. You need to realize how much Niall loved you to let you go and to allow you and Harry to be together again, even though it wasn’t exactly real. It was hard for him but he did it because he loved you. And you’ll find out tomorrow why we kept the truth from you. I know you don’t remember but you loved him so much and he loved you even more. That’s all I can tell you. He needs to tell you the rest. Your love for him is still in your heart, you just need to find it. And once you do, it’ll go at war with your love for Harry. But don’t run away from it. Listen to it and it’ll take you to where you belong, who you belong to.

“Just take things slowly, take your time with them. Just follow your heart. I know you don’t want to hurt either of them but you’re only going to end up hurting both of them more if you don’t figure out who your heart belongs to. I know it’ll be hard but you need to. And hopefully, both of them will understand your decision.”

Silence fills the air again. I was taking in all of what El just said to me and I realized my gaze focused towards the people around the bonfire as she spoke.

On one person in particular.

“And one more thing,” El said. She paused and she followed my gaze towards the boy I was looking at.

“Remember, if you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”

 

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Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Who do you think she was looking at while El was talking?

I mean, who did she technically love second. She loved Harry first and then Niall but now she loves both of them. Who do you think??

Please comment, I love knowing what you guys think and what you think will happen :)

And remember, once I get 1150 likes, I'll tell you guys what my next fanfic will be about and which boy it is. There will also be a contest where the winner will get a part in the fanfic (not the main character tho ;) )

And I'm still deciding whether I'm going to write one fanfic or two fanfics at the same time and whether the other one will be a sequel, where it'll be for the boy who Isla doesn't end up with or if it'll be a completely different story.

So basically let me know, for you the boy who doesn't get Isla in the end, if you want the story to be a sequel or if you want it to be a completely different story.

Let me know! :)

Follow me on twitter @sheeriostyles and on Instagram @sheeriostyles

Also, kik me 'livelaughlove47'. I love talking to you guys on there :)

Anyways, like, fan, comment and favourite :)

Thanks for reading!

Love you guys :) <3

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