Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

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50. History Repeating

Isla’s POV
 

“So you finally made a decision?”

“I did,” I answered El and I couldn’t help the huge smile that appeared on my face.

Me and El were just chilling in her patio in the backyard, Louis had left for the studio this morning alon. It was now 2 in the afternoon and they were supposed to be done at 4 but then they have a meeting with management afterwards for a couple of hours. After work they would all come over.

“How did Harry take it?”

My smile faded as I remembered last night, or technically early this morning, when I told Harry that we couldn’t be together. My heart still hurt remembering Harry’s face, he looked so broken. But I know that Harry will be happy again, he’ll find a girl that will give him the same amount of love that he gives. Even though I was the one that broke his heart, I will do anything I can to help him fix it.

“Not too well but better than I thought he would. I thought that he would get upset or angry with me or tell me never to speak to him again but he didn’t. He understood how I felt. I just hope that he will find the right girl soon, he deserves it. I’ve hurt him so much, I hate seeing him like that. But he knows how much I love Niall and he only wants me to be happy and he said that he knows that Niall will do that for me. I know that me and Harry will be okay. I still need him in my life. He makes me happy as well. I don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t in my life anymore.”

Silence fell between us.

“That’s great. And you’re right, Harry does deserve to be happy again and he will. But don’t beat yourself up too much about it. You said that he understands so you have nothing to worry about.”

I gave her a strained smile but I could still feel the pain in my heart.

“So, when are you gonna tell Niall?”

My smile grew sincere at the thought of Niall.

“Tonight. When they come over.”

“Ooh, can’t wait. Even though you two were so annoying together, I miss you guys as a couple.”

I playfully swatted her arm. “Hey, that’s mean.”

She started laughing. “It’s true, everyone thought so. When you guys were just friends, you were so crazy but when you got together, it was a whole new level of crazy. You guys would do the most random things ever, you would pull pranks on us. I still have to get you back for that, by the way.” She paused as she gave me a sly smirk but it then changed into a sweet smile. “But you guys were too adorable together. I would get jealous sometimes actually. Even though you guys were silly sometimes, most of the time you guys would show each other so much love, it stunned me sometimes to watch it in front of my eyes. If me and Louis had at least half of the love that you guys have for each other, I’d be the happiest girl in the world. Even though it hurts me to see Harry hurt again, I think that you made the right choice. I was silently hoping that you would choose Niall. I have nothing against Harry but nothing can beat yours and Niall’s love for each other. I’m happy for you Isla, I really am.”

My heart grew at her words.

“That was so sweet, El. And I really think I did make the right choice.” I paused, my mind wandering to thoughts of Niall causing my heart to flutter. “He makes me happy, El. And I think it’s what I need the most right now especially after everything that’s happened in the past few months. Niall can brighten my day just by looking at him, I love that about him.”

“You do deserve to be happy, more than anyone else in the world. And Niall will do that for you.” She paused and gave me a small smile. “And ice cream.”

I whipped my face towards her and burst out laughing. “Ice cream?”

“Yes, ice cream. It makes you happy, right?” She started to get up. “I’m hungry and I want ice cream.”

“Fine,” I said while getting up and laughing.

We went into the kitchen and got ourselves a bowl of chocolate ice cream. We brought it back to the patio and we ate our ice cream while talking about random things. Hours passed by as we did a million things to make the time go by faster. We did our nails, we read some magazines and debated on which actors were hotter than the other.

“Ryan Gosling is definitely hotter than Channing Tatum.” I shoved the magazine in El’s face, which showed a picture of a shirtless Ryan Gosling.

“Have you seen Magic Mike? You’d be blind not to think he’s the hottest actor right now.”

“How could you forget about Ryan in Crazy, Stupid, Love when you me, Harry and Lou watched in the theatres? He was so handsome.” I proceeded to dramatically swoon in my chair and El laughed at me.

She was about to say something when her phone rang. She picked it up and answered it.

“Hello…hey babe, what’s up?...okay, that’s great, see you guys soon…love you too…bye.” She hung up and put the phone back on the table.

“They just finished with their meeting, they’re on their way now.”

My heart started beating faster. They were almost here. Niall was almost here. I’ve been thinking for the whole day about how I’m going to tell him that I want to be with him. I was excited but nervous at the same time.

I told Harry not to tell Niall anything so he won’t suspect anything tonight.

Me and El cleaned up a bit while we waited for the boys. About 20 minutes later, we heard the door open. My heart jumped in my chest as I followed El to the front door. We turned the corner and we saw Louis come in and immediately hug El.

“I missed you so much, babe,” he mumbled against her hair.

“Missed you, too,” she replied.

A couple of seconds later, Liam, Zayn and Harry walked in and gave me and El a hug. I thought that Niall was just parking the car but then my heart dropped as Louis closed the door.

“Where’s Niall?” I asked with a frown.

All of the boys looked at each other with an expression I couldn’t read. Harry finally turned to me and came closer.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

All I did was nod as I grew worried.

Harry opened the front door and I followed him outside. We sat on the porch swing and I looked at him, waiting for him to speak but he stayed silent.

“Where’s Niall, Harry?”

He continued to avoid my gaze as he seemed to get more nervous.

“Niall went home.”

My eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Why would he go home? He said he was going to come over to see me after work.

“I thought he was gonna come over with you guys.”

“We thought so, too. But he was being weird today, he wasn’t talking to us that much. He didn’t speak to me at all. So then when our meeting finished, I confronted him and asked him what was wrong.” He paused, as his eyes grew more scared.

“Tell me, Harry.”

Seconds passed by slowly as I waited for him to say something.

“He…he saw us kissing this morning.”

My stomach dropped and I started to panic. “What? How did he see it?”

“Well, after you came back from the hospital and I left here last night, I saw Niall passed out in his car in the driveway. So I woke him up and told him to stay at my place last night. I drove him to my place and he crashed there. I guess he woke up this morning and saw us kissing.”

How could this happen? This was not how tonight was supposed to go.

“So he thought that you chose me and he was angry. Even more angry because you didn’t tell him before you told me. He thought you didn’t even care to tell him anything.”

No, no, no, no, no. This can’t be happening.

“I tried telling him the truth but he wouldn’t believe, he said the kiss seemed too real to him. And he left right after that before I could explain to him.”

I shook my head. “I have to talk to him.”

I got up and started walking to my car. I heard footsteps following behind me.

“Let me drive you. I don’t want you driving while you’re like this.”

I didn’t even bother arguing with him so I just nodded and walked over to his car. The car was silent as he drove me to Niall’s house. He had called Louis on the way and told him what happened.

We finally got to Niall’s place and I could see his car parked in the driveway. Harry parked the car beside Niall’s and looked at me.

“I’m sorry this had to happen.”

I slowly turned to look at him. “It’s not your fault, Harry.” I tried giving him a smile but I could tell that Harry didn’t believe my smile.

“Did you want me to go with you? We can both explain to him the truth.”

I shook my head. “I think it’ll be better if I go alone. Thank you though, I appreciate it. Just go back to Lou’s. I’ll let you know what happens.”

All he did was nod in understanding.

I took a deep breath and finally built up enough courage to hop out of the car. I took one last look at Harry and thanked him before I closed the door and headed to the front of Niall’s house. I looked over my shoulder and waited for Harry to disappear out of sight before I brought my shaking hand up and knocked on the door.

Seconds passed by excruciatingly slow as I waited for an answer. Finally, the door opened and I saw Niall’s expression changed from curious to annoyed.

“What are you doing here?”

His tone surprised and scared me at the same time. He never talked to me like this, except the time when Harry kissed me that night so many months ago.

It was like history repeating itself.

“I came here to talk to you. To explain.”

“Explain what?”

“Can I come in, at least, please?” I tried to sound strong but I could hear my voice faltering.

He just stared at me, his eyes remained blank. Finally, he stood to the side before I nervously walked in the house.

I wasn’t sure if it would be okay to go into his living room so I just stopped a few steps from the door and turned around to face Niall. He stayed a few meters away from me with his arms crossed.

“You wanted to talk, then talk.”

His words hurt me but I tried to keep myself from showing it.

“Niall. What you saw this morning was not what it looked like.”

“What was it supposed to look like, huh?”

“I only asked him to kiss me so I could try and get my memory back. It was just an innocent kiss.”

“That is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. And that was an innocent kiss? You had your hands all over each other. If that was an innocent kiss between you and Harry, I don’t even want to know what a real kiss between you two would be. Do you expect me to believe that?”

“Niall, it’s the truth.” My voice started to sound more frantic and pleading.

“You chose Harry, I can understand that. But the fact that you didn’t say anything to me before you went to him and make out with him hurts me. I thought you cared about me more than that.”

Tears were now forming in my eyes. “Niall. I didn’t choose Harry. You have to believe that. I ended things with him this morning.”

“Just stop lying to me, please. I can’t…I can’t handle being hurt anymore. I know I said that I would be okay with you choosing Harry but I honestly thought that you would choose me. Was I ever wrong. I can’t do this anymore, Isla.” He paused, shaking his head and looking down. “I can’t keep getting hurt like this anymore. It’s too much.”

“Niall, please, listen to--”

“Stop!”

I jumped and froze in my spot. His eyes held so many emotions but it was mostly filled with pain.

“Just stop, Isla. Just go with Harry. You guys deserve each other. Neither of you bothered to tell me anything. He didn’t even say anything to me today. I don’t care anymore. I told you how much I loved you. I guess it wasn’t enough.”

“Niall--”

“Just go.”

I stood there speechless.

“I can’t do this anymore. I had to go through losing you after the accident and having to see you with Harry. And then you left, it was unbearable.”

The tears were falling now.

“Another reason that I was hoping that you would choose me is that I didn’t want you to get hurt again if you chose Harry. What makes you think that the same thing isn’t going to happen if you get back together with him?”

His expression was changing from hurt to anger. His words were starting to slice through my heart but he didn’t stop, he just kept going with the harsh words.

When the same thing happens again with you and Harry, don’t think that I’ll be there for you like I was last time. I’m not gonna be some lovesick idiot waiting for you if things don’t work with Harry. Don't come crawling back to me once you realize that you made a mistake. I won’t be there to pick you up off of the ground when you get hurt again. I won’t be used as a second choice after Harry. So, you can go to Harry now, you’ve told me exactly how you feel and that’s all I need.”

He walked over to the door and opened it forcefully, causing it to slam against the wall. I was frozen with tears streaming down my face. My whole body was shaking and I felt pain in every inch of my body. Niall’s words cut deep into me, I don’t think I’ve ever been this hurt before in my life. This felt 100 times worse than the pain I felt when I was with James.

His next words felt like a bulldozer ran over me.

“I can’t believe I ever fell for you.”

I took in a shaky breath. “You don’t mean that, Niall.”

“No, you don’t want me to mean that. You want me to wait for you if things don’t work out with Harry. Am I right? I’m not gonna do that. Do you know how ridiculous that will make me look?”

“Niall, you need to know that--”

“Just leave.”

He looked away as he stood by the door. I took a step forward.

“Niall--”

“LEAVE!”

I jumped, his loud voice frightening me.

I took one last look at his anger-filled face before I quickly walked out the door. Once I reached the steps, I heard the door slam loudly behind me. The second the door slammed, I immediately broke down in sobs. And to add to my luck, it started pouring. But I didn’t care about the rain. The pain I was feeling was taking over all of my senses.

I didn’t have a car so I just walked. Again, all of my senses were being taken over by the pain I was feeling that I didn’t even know where I was walking to. It was dark out and I was now drenched, the rain coming down even harder.

I didn’t know how long I’ve been walking but it felt like hours. I was now in the outskirts of town, less cars, less houses, less people. I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket but I couldn’t make myself pick it up. It kept vibrating non-stop but soon I just tuned it out.

I just continued to walk, not paying attention to anything around me. Suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me. It’s like my senses were suddenly heightened and I took in my surroundings. I was in the outskirts of town, far away from Lou and El’s place.

I could still hear the footsteps behind me and it was started to come closer. I started quickening my pace, hoping that it wasn’t noticeable to the person walking behind me.

Were they following me?

I took a sharp turn onto another street to see if the person would follow me.

And they did.

I started to panic now.

I fastened my pace even more. But so did the person following me.

Was it Niall? Did he come after me?

I snuck a glance over my shoulder and took a glimpse of my follower before I quickly faced forwards again and started to jog, trying to find a safe place.

It was definitely not Niall. This person was slightly shorter than him and he was wearing a black sweater and the hood was forming a shadow over his face so I couldn’t see who it was.

When I heard the person start to jog as well, that’s when I broke off into a sprint. I ran as fast as my legs could go. But there was nowhere safe to go around me, it was all closed or abandoned shops around me. The only choice I had left was to hide but he was too close behind me to allow enough time to find a good place to hide.

My legs were starting to burn and I was starting to slow down but the person coming after me was coming for me faster than ever. I could hear him breathing hard behind me. He was right behind me now.

“Help! HELP!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “Someone--”

The person grabbed my wrist with one hand and clamped his other one over my mouth, silencing my words. He took his hand off of my wrist and wrapped it around my waist with both of my arms held on my side.

I started to shout against his hand.

“Shh shh shh, it’s gonna be alright. I won’t hurt you.”

His voice sent shivers down my spine. It sounded familiar.

Could it be?

No, it can’t be.

But he answered my thoughts as he pulled down his hood.

“Hello, Isla. Nice to see you again. Did you miss me?”

My frightened eyes locked into the eyes of the person I never wanted to see again.

James.

 

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DUN DUN DUN!!!!!

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It was so weird, I literally finished this chapter last night and then I checked movellas and someone commented about James coming back! Haha I thought it was funny.

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PS - Who else died when Harry twerked at the TCA's last night???

All of the boys were amazing but Harry and so gorgeous that day, I died...

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