Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

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26. Goodbyes

Harry’s POV


I woke up, taking a while to realize where I was. I sat up off of the floor, rubbing my eyes. My back ached a bit seeing as I’d slept on the floor the whole night. And then I looked at Isla’s door. It was still closed.

I really wanted to talk to her. I had to explain to her that, as much as I hated lying to her, we had to. For her health. We had to tell her about the possibility of her going back into a coma if we had told her the truth. And that she might’ve never woken up again.

I could tell how hurt she was yesterday, she wouldn’t stop crying for hours as I listened to her through the door and it hurt me that I couldn’t be there to comfort her. I tried talking to her last night after she’d stopped crying but she wouldn’t say anything back. I decided to let her sleep and I waited for her outside her bedroom door.

Now, here I am. I needed to talk to her. I needed to tell her that we only did this because we love her.

I stood up and walked over to the door. I lightly knocked.

“Isla?” I whispered. No response. I knocked once more. Still no response. She had locked the door yesterday so no one was able to go inside but I tried again and this time…

It opened.

I slowly opened the door.

“Isla, may I plea--”

And my heart shattered into a million pieces once I looked into the room.

Her bed was made. All of her things that used to be on her dressers and table were gone. Some of the drawers were open and they were empty and the closet, too. I stood there frozen, thinking I was dreaming.

But no, this was real.

I slowly walked into the room, looking around. All of her things were gone.

She was gone.

Tears started welling up in my eyes and they escaped once I saw something on her pillow.

Letters.

I walked over to the top of her bed and grabbed the letters. I looked at them, my hands shaking like crazy. The letter on top said ‘To everyone’. The next one said ‘To Niall’. And the last one, the one that made my breath catch in my throat, the one that made my head spin, it said ‘To Harry’.

I didn’t know what to do. I felt like someone had pulled the ground from under me. I started crying right then and there.

And then suddenly I heard someone come up the stairs.

“Hey, Harry, is she--”

It was Niall. I turned around and saw him frozen at the door. He looked around the room, realizing what had happened. He looked at me and then he started tearing up as well. Neither one of us said anything.

And then we heard the front door open and many footsteps coming up the stairs. Everyone was here and they had worried looks on their faces.

“No! No! NO!” El said, looking into the room and crying. Louis put his arms around her and started crying.

“Isla texted El about everything and we came straight here,” Liam said, sadness in his eyes.

I swallowed, feeling the huge bump in my throat. “She…she…wrote us a letter.” I took the letter after I had secretly hidden the one that was personalized to me and Niall. I didn’t want to read it in front of them and I know that Niall would want the same thing. I’d give it to him afterwards. So, with shaking hands, I opened the letter and cleared my throat.

“To my dearest friends, Harry, Niall, Eleanor, Danielle, Perrie, Louis, Liam and Zayn,

Please know that me leaving is one of the hardest things that I ever have to do but it’s the right thing for me right now. I can’t handle everything that’s going on, the lies, the betrayal, the humiliation. And I have nothing against your fans but what they say about me just tortures me and kills me inside more and more every day. I tried ignoring it but there’s only so much one person can handle. I hope you understand.

So, I’m leaving and I don’t know when, or if, I’ll be coming back. I need time for myself. Away from everything. Please don’t waste for lives upset about my decision, just go on living your life normally. I just want you guys to forget about what happened. Forget about all of the bad things that’s happened in the last month that I’ve caused. It’s all my fault. Please don’t blame yourselves for this. This is my decision.

I’ll be changing my number once I’ve figured out where I’ll be staying so please don’t try to contact me. I’ll be getting rid of Facebook and Twitter, too. I don’t want you guys to waste your time looking for me. I’ll be going somewhere far away. Somewhere where people won’t recognize me.

This is the best thing for me right now. I felt like a ticking time bomb about to explode at any second. I have too many things to deal with and it’s best that I get away and straighten them out.

But know that I will never forget you guys. You are the most amazing people in the world. I couldn’t ask for better people in my life. I love you guys so much.

Yours truly,

Isla <3”

 

I took a deep breath and shut my eyes tight, the tears falling fast from my eyes. I crumpled the letter in my hand and covered my face. I started sobbing. I felt someone wrap their arms around me, trying to comfort me. But nothing could make me better. The only thing that could make things better again is if Isla came back. But she’s gone, maybe forever. She was the only one that could make me happy if it was just us two in the world. I’m nothing without her.

How could she do this to me?

I was finally able to calm down a bit, I stopped crying but the tears continued to run down my face. I looked up and saw that it was Liam who had come to comfort me. I looked around at everyone else and saw all of them with tears in their eyes. Louis and was still trying to comfort El. Perrie and Dani held onto each other tightly. And Zayn was trying to comfort Niall.

This was not how it was supposed to end up happening.

I didn’t know what to do.

What I wanted to do was to go out there and look for Isla but I wouldn’t know the first place to look.

I suddenly realized how emotionally drained I was right now and I needed time alone.

“If it’s alright, I think I need some time alone,” I said.

“Yeah, sure,” Liam said, “if you need anything, call me, alright?”

I just nodded and looked at the ground. Then they all started leaving the room, saying bye to each other, not knowing how to handle the situation right now.

I saw Niall about to leave but I called him back.

“Hey, Niall, wait,” I said. He slowly turned around, his eyes all red and puffy. I thought that he’d still be mad at me when he found out that I’d slept with Isla but, really, that was none of our worries right now.

I got the letter out of my back pocket and handed it to him.

“She wrote both of us a letter,” I said. He grabbed it and stared at it with sad eyes.

He just nodded and said, “thanks.” Then he turned around and headed out. I heard the front door open and close and I felt the loneliness that accompanied me that I felt once I saw the letters from Isla, stronger than ever.

I went to my room, not being able to handle being in her room a second longer. But my room wasn’t any better. One of her sweaters was hanging on the back of my chair. And there were several pictures of us hung around the walls and on the dresser and table. I pulled my gaze away from them and sat down on the edge of my bed, staring at the letter addressed to me. My hands started to shake as I slowly opened it.

 

“Dearest Harry,

I’m sorry for the pain that I will cause with me leaving but know take it to heart that this is the best thing for me right now. I was deeply hurt with what everyone did to me but especially you. I thought that you loved me.

I don’t know what happened to cause us to break up in the first place but the fact that you had kept that from me, it wasn’t right. Whatever the reason that you guys kept it from me, I still had the right to know.

I was kept in the fog for a whole month. A whole month where you told me every day that you loved me. That you’d do anything for me. That you couldn’t imagine your life without me. It all seems like a lie now. Everyone that I thought cared about me seems to have turn out to be the opposite. If you had cared about me, you would’ve told.

That’s all that I want to say about that.

With everything aside, I want you to know that how much you mean to me. I love you so much and it hurts that I have to leave you. I really hope that someday in the future, I’ll come back for you and Niall and everyone else. But I need some time for myself right now.

Please don’t waste a second of your life worrying about me. I’ll be fine, I’ll take care of myself, I promise. I just want you to be happy and I know you won’t be happy worrying about me.

I’ll never forget you. I love you and always will.

With love from all of my heart,

Isla”

 

It felt like someone had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart and stomped on it. All I could feel was pain and emptiness. I needed Isla in my life.

She wants me to be happy? She doesn’t know that she’s the one that makes me happy.

I need her back. I’d take her back even she hated me for the rest of her life but I just needed her here. I need to see her every day. I need to know that she’s okay.

But she’s gone.

 

*************************

 

WAHHHHHH! ANOTHER SAD PART :(

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I love interacting with you guys and you'll notice that i reply to the comments that are actually talking about what they'd just read and what they think. so please, only comment about what's happened in the story.

other than that, i just wanted to thank you guys for getting my story where it is now :)

love you guys :)

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