Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.

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22. Give Me Love

Isla's POV

 

After Niall went home, I cleaned up the place, trying to distract myself from what had happened a while ago. I definitely needed answers but I had no way of getting any. I know for sure that none of them would tell me and I had no more Facebook and Twitter to find out.

A part of me wanted to believe that it was just my mind playing tricks on me but it seemed so real. And the picture that I saw of me and Niall kissing from El’s phone just added to my confusion.

Maybe I could somehow trick one of them to tell me but that's going to be hard to accomplish. I guess I’ll just have to see what else happens.

Just as I finished cleaning up the place, I heard the front door open and then footsteps heading over to me.

Harry appeared around the corner and walked over to me the second he saw me.

He smiled at me and wrapped his arms around me. “So, how was your day with Niall?”

I froze for a second, not knowing what to say.

I finally cleared my throat and said, “it was good. We had a lot of fun. We just cooked and watched The Big Bang Theory. How was your day with your mom?” I quickly changed the topic so that I wouldn’t have to talk about my day.

“It was great. I took her shopping and then we had dinner.”

“Sounds fun. But anyways, I’m a bit tired. I think I’m gonna head to bed.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, I’m just gonna shower and head to bed, too. I’ll see you in a bit?” he asked.

“Yup,” I said, nodding. I released myself from his arms and headed up to our room. I went under the covers and laid down, hearing Harry in the shower.

About 30 minutes later, I heard Harry come out of the bathroom and into our room. I pretended to sleep because I didn’t really want to talk right now. My mind was still swarming with questions and confusion and I know that he’d notice that something was wrong if he tried talking to me.

I continued to pretend to sleep as I felt him climb into bed. I was facing away from him and farther away than I usually am on the bed. Most nights I would lay in his arms but tonight, I couldn’t. I needed time to think.

Suddenly, I felt his hand go on my shoulder as he leaned towards me and kissed me lightly on my cheek. And then he leaned back and laid down on his side after turning off the lamp.

About 10 minutes later, I heard his quiet snore and I opened my eyes but didn’t risk moving. I stared blankly at the wall as my thoughts brought me back to Niall. Ever since the day that I woke up at the hospital, I had noticed that Niall was acting differently than before. When he came to see me at the hospital, I had noticed that he seemed sad. Even though I know that he was sad about what happened to me, I know that he’s not the type of person to dwell on it. He would move on and be his happy self again. Every one else was happy that I woke up again but Niall had a hint of sadness in his eyes and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why.

And then today, after our food fight and I had fallen on top of him, I could see something in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. I thought that he was going to kiss me but I knew that that couldn’t be true so I had quickly got up to stand. And then when we were taking off our clothes, I saw him gazing at me through the reflection on the window. And the look wasn’t one of a typical teenage boy staring at a half-naked girl. It was a look of longing. And love? I had pretended not to notice that I saw him looking at me and I didn’t let it get to me.

And then that memory.

It seemed so real. It overwhelmed me and I didn’t know what to say or do. I hadn’t said a word to Niall for the rest of the night until he said that he had to go.

I felt bad but I was just incredibly confused.

And now, here I am, laying in bed beside Harry, thinking about Niall.

I was drained from today and from my thoughts and a few seconds later, sleep overcame me and rid me of those thoughts.

 

**


It’s been three weeks since I woke up from my coma and nothing has happened between me and Niall. He’s always busy even though the other boys are always hanging out.

He says he’s hanging out with his other friends and his family. But I can’t help but think that he’s trying to avoid me.

I felt guilty but I didn’t know what else to do. I’m trying to blame others for how I’m feeling right now but I know I can’t blame anyone else but myself.

Harry has been busy the last few days with the rest of the boys and he would sometimes come home late after I’ve fallen asleep. I was starting to feel unhappy.

I would wake up in the morning feeling sad. I would feel unusually lonely. How could I feel like that with my boyfriend laying on the bed beside me. And then I would remember what happened that night with Niall and I was overwhelmed with emotions.

I didn’t want it to affect me. I needed a distraction. I needed something to keep my mind off of it. And right now there was only one thing that could accomplish that right now. I know that it won’t help my situation but there was nothing else I could think of.

So, before sadness could overcome me, I moved over to Harry and nudged him lightly. He wouldn’t wake up so I nudged him a little harder. He still wouldn’t wake up. Then, I placed my lips on his and started kissing him. I felt him stir from under me as I started kissing him more passionately. I moved on top of him so that I was straddling his waist.

This was my only escape right now. Harry. I didn’t want to feel lonely.

I started moving my hands down his bare chest as I felt his hands rub my back.

Niall.

No! I can’t think about Niall right now!

I kissed Harry even more passionately as I started slowly grinding him. I heard him moan as he moved his hands from my back to my thighs. I was waiting for the right time when I started moving my hands down to his boxer briefs. I started rubbing his hips first but then I started to pull down the briefs.

Then suddenly, I felt his hands leave my thighs and grab my wrists.

This was what I was worried about. I knew that he might stop me but I didn’t want him to.

“Why are you stopping, Harry?” I asked, a hint of anger in my voice.

“I told you, you’re not stro--“

“Stop it! It’s been three weeks! I’m okay now.” I stared at him but he said nothing.

“Why won’t you make love to me?” I asked nervously.

He didn’t answer me, he just continued to stare at me. I got up from him and stood up. “And don’t say that I’m not strong enough. The doctor said that I’m okay now, I can handle, I asked him. So why won’t you?”

He slowly sat up on the side of the bed and looked down.

“Are you not…sexually attracted to me anymore?” I asked. I waited for him to respond but he just stayed motionless as he stared at the ground. With each passing second of silence, I felt sadness. He didn’t find me attractive anymore. This just added to my feeling of loneliness right now and I couldn’t handle it. I turned around and headed for the door. I reached the doorknob and was about to open it when I felt Harry grab wrist and spin me around.

He pushed me roughly against the wall as he gave me a rough kiss. He pressed his body against mine as his hands roamed all over my body.

“Of course I still find you attractive,” he said, his morning voice still present, “I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You will never hurt me.”

He continued to stare into my eyes, pure lust present in them. And a few seconds of passionate looks in both of our eyes, he returned his lips to mine and kissed me with more passion that I’ve ever felt before.

He cupped the back of my legs and lifted me up, pushing me against the wall with his body.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as I knotted my fingers in his messy hair. I rested my arms on his shoulders as I started to lift myself up and down on his body, electricity running throughout my whole body.

He moved slightly away from the wall as he moved his hands down to the bottom of my nightgown and trailed it up my body and pulled it over my head so I was in nothing by my lace panties. He put me against the wall again, feeling his excitement in his boxer briefs.

He walked backwards, away from the wall and towards the bed. He fell back onto the bed, me still latched around his waist. We moved to the top of the bed as he lay down with me straddling his waist once again. This time, I wasn’t hesitant in pulling down his boxer briefs and throwing it on the floor beside us.

Then he rolled us over so I was under him now. He kissed me on my jawbone now, down my neck and to my chest. I felt his felt trail down the side of my body, down to my underwear until he finally pulled them off.

He layed down completely on top of me. The skin-to-skin contact almost pushing me over the edge already. I traced his back with the tip of my fingers lightly, feeling him shiver under my touch. He returned his lips to mine as the passion grew more and more.

There was only me and Harry right now. Nothing on my mind except being connected to Harry in every way possible.

I guess I was finally able to admit that I needed Harry. With everything that was happening right now, Harry was the only one who would help me right now. I loved him and that’s all that matters. I’m not using him to make me forget about my worries. I need something in my life that makes me feel safe and connected to the world. And Harry is that someone.

We continued to kiss and touch and hold each other as we finally connected in a way that made me feel loved and wanted and happy.

I was myself again.

 

*********************************

 

Please continue to like and comment. please tell me what you think of this part. i honestly had a bit of writer's block. this chapter seems like nothing exciting's happening but i want to build up for the next big part.

i promise it's going to be good :)

thank you thank you thank you for sticking around even though it took me two months to update. i love you guys and hope you like this part.

Again, love you guys, you're amazing!

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