Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.


15. Emotions

Harry's POV


“What?” me and Niall said at the same time. We all had puzzled looks on our faces, staring at the doctor. She thinks that we’re still together?

“But I’m not her boyfriend,” I said, uncomfortably, then I pointed to Niall and said to the doctor, “that’s her boyfriend.”

“Oh, I see,” he said, his face suddenly turned serious, “I don’t know what else to do but for her own safety, you guys are going to have to go along with what she remembers. She experienced a lot of head trauma so if she gets overwhelmed with too many things, she could damage her brain even more and she could go back into a coma and most likely she will never wake up.”

“So you’re saying that we need to lie to her,” Niall said accusingly. The doctor then looked uncomfortable.

“I know it sounds bad but it’s for her safety,” he said, “it’s the only way that she’ll heal and rest and be back to normal.”

“How long will it take?” Niall asked.

“I would give her a month. So that means that everyone will have to go along with anything that she remembers. Small things, you can remind her about but events that would overwhelm her, go along with it or don’t mention it, if it’s possible,” the doctor explained, “that also means that she should stay away from the internet, especially any social media where she might find and read things about herself that she won’t remember. No Facebook, Twitter, anything. I know it’s a lot to do but it’ll really help her in the healing process. And then after a month, she’ll come back and we’ll do tests to see if she’s healed and all better and then you guys can take baby steps in telling her the memories that she’s lost. Right now, just take things slow; allow her to express what she remembers and anything that she recalls in the time period that she’s lost. Don’t try and tell her things that she’s forgotten thinking that she’ll remember because it will only confuse her.” Then his pager beeped and he looked at it. “Sorry, but there’s been an emergency. If you have any further questions, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Lou said. The doctor nodded and walked away. What the doctor just told us was a lot to take in. The things we’d have to do will not be easy, any small thing can lead to Isla going into a coma again. That’s a scary thought. But I will do anything to keep that from happening and help her heal.

Then I remembered what the doctor said about Isla thinking that we were still together. I looked up at Niall and saw so many emotions shown on his face. But the emotion that took over was anger. His face turned red and his hands were clenched into fists.

Liam put his hand on his shoulder to calm him down but Niall shook it off and walked away. He walked to the exit doors and slammed it open and continued walking until he was out of sight.

I felt so bad for Niall. He must be so overwhelmed right now. I wouldn’t know how I would handle it if I were in his position.

But right now, I had my own confusions to worry about. What was I supposed to do? Do what the doctor says and go along with Isla, pretending that we were still together? Should I pretend?

Or should I be a good friend and tell her the truth that her and Niall are together? But that would mean that there’s the possibility of her going back into a coma if she became overwhelmed if I told her the truth.

I absolutely didn’t know what to do.

“You alright, mate?” Lou said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I just simply shook my head. I didn’t know how I felt at this moment except complete and utter confusion. I needed someone to tell me what I should do but I’m scared of what that would be.

And to add to my anxiety, the nurses came out and said that they were done looking after Isla and that Isla wanted to see me.

My heartbeat quickened and my mouth suddenly got dry. I had no idea why but I was a little bit scared. Scared of what’s going to happen when I walk through her door.

A part of me wants to waltz right in there just to see her awake and smiling again. Something I’ve been anxiously waiting to see since I first saw her in a coma. I wanted to hear her voice again. I wanted to see her beautiful, green eyes looking into mine and never wanting to look away.

I just wanted to be near her.

“Everything will be okay, Haz,” Liam said comfortingly.

“I just feel so bad for Niall,” I said guiltily.

“He’ll understand soon. He’ll know that this is for Isla’s well-being. He just hasn’t had time to take it all in yet. I’m sure he won’t blame you for this,” he said.

“But it is my fault! All of this is my fault!” I exclaimed. I was definitely feeling even guiltier now. Remembering how all of this that’s happened was because of my stupid mistake.

“Stop thinking that, mate. It won’t do you any good,” Zayn said, “don’t think about the past. What’s done is done. Just think about now and what you have to do to help Isla. That’s all you can do.”

He was right. I should stop beating myself up for what happened. I should be worrying about Isla now and working to get to her better.


We all looked towards the door. Her voice calling my name made my heart stop. It sent me so many emotions but mostly happiness. Just hearing her voice again cleared my head of my worries.

“You should go see her,” Lou said, smiling at me. I nodded and took a deep breath. I walked up to her door and rested my hand on the doorknob.

After a few seconds, I mustered up the courage to twist it open and push forward.

I looked up at the bed just in time to see her raise her eyes from her lap up to meet mine. As soon as our eyes met, huge smiles appeared on both of our faces. I walked in and closed the door behind me, not breaking my gaze from her.

I walked up to her side and she stuck out her hand and grabbed mine. Electricity shot from where our hands touched all to way to the rest of my body. I never thought I would feel like this again. Never in a millions years did I think that I would be holding hands with her again like this. It didn’t matter that this is all a lie. Right now, it was just me and Isla.

I sat down on the chair and we just continued to stare at each other, our smiles never leaving our faces.

“How are you?” I finally said.

“I’ve been better. But I’m much better now since you’re here,” she said. “The first things I saw when I woke up were the doctor and nurses. I didn’t know where I was or how I got here. I was scared. But he told me that you were here and I just really needed to see you.”

“I’m here,” I said, rubbing her hand with my thumb, “and I promise, I’ll never let you feel like that again.”

“Thank you, Harry,” she said, smiling.

But then her smile faded as she looked like she was thinking about something.

“The doctor said I got into a car accident but he said he didn’t know how,” she said, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Do you know how it happened?”

What should I tell her? Tell her the truth about that night, about how she went driving while she was upset and ended up driving on the wrong side of the road? That would only freak her out. And then I’d have to tell her about what happened which meant that I’d have to tell her that she’s actually going out with Niall. But I’ve made the decision that I shouldn’t tell her right now only because I didn’t want to see her in a coma again.

So that means that I have to make up a lie.

“Drunk driver. Driving on the wrong side of the road and hit your car,” I said, nervously. I looked at her carefully, seeing if she believes me or if she remembers what actually happened. But her face showed nothing except fear. She just nodded and looked at me.

“Let’s not talk about it anymore, okay?” I said, trying to comfort her. The fear shown on her face faded and was replaced with a smile.

“I’m just so glad you’re okay now,” I said, looking down at our hands, “I was so worried that would never wake up.” Tears started to build up, remembering how I felt while she was in a coma. A tear escaped and glided down my cheek. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my cheek and I looked up at her again. She was smiling at me and wiped away the tears.

“Don’t cry, Harry. I’m all better now. Mostly because of you,” she said, comforting me.

“You did lose a year of your memory though,” I said carefully. I examined her face and saw sorrow.

“I know,” she said quietly, “but I’m sure I’ll remember eventually. And you’ll be here to help me remember. I just can’t help but feel sad that I lost a year of memories of us together.”

Once again, guilt washed over me after she said those words. ‘Us together’, that didn’t have any truth to it. It should be her and Niall.

I didn’t want to show how I was feeling right now so I just smiled and said, “I’ll be here to help you remember.”

I didn’t reply to her comment about us and thankfully so didn’t push further with it. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it right now.

“Let’s not talk about that right now, okay?” I said, “I just don’t want you worrying about not remembering what happened. We’ll work through it once you’ve rested some more, alright?”

She nodded and gave me a comforting smile.

“Well, the others want to come and see you but we’re only allowed two a time so I’ll let them come talk to you for a bit,” I said, getting up.

“Everyone’s here?” she asked.

“Um…yeah,” I said, nervously, “except Niall.”

“Oh, where is he?”

“He, uh…he had to do an interview today but he said he’d come right after to see you.”

“Oh, ok,” she said.

I hate lying to her. But there was nothing else I could do. I couldn’t say that Niall ran off angry because he just found out that his girlfriend woke up from a coma and thinks that she’s still with her ex.

This was harder than I thought.

“Yeah, so I’ll let the others come see you,” I said. I began to turn towards the door but she tightened her grip on my hand and pulled me. I faced towards her and she pulled down on my hand.

“Wait,” she said, “there’s something I wanted to do since you walked in.” She smiled at me as she pulled down on my hand even more.

I leaned down as she took her other hand and rested it on my face, pulling it towards hers.

Finally, our lips met and pure ecstasy rushed throughout my body as she kissed me. I carefully sat down on the side of the bed so I was able to kiss her back. My one hand was still holding on to hers as I put the other one on the side of her face, lightly caressing it.

The kiss was sweet, our lips lightly moving against each other’s. All of the pain and longing I’ve felt since we broke up was pouring out into this kiss. I was happy again but more importantly, I was happy because I was with her again. Even though this isn’t how it was supposed to be, I didn’t let that stop me from relishing in this moment because this could all be taken away in a blink of an eye.

We continued to kiss for a few minutes, not wanting to let go but Isla stopped the kiss and whispered:

“I love you, Harry.”

All I could think and say was:

“I love you, too.”




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Btw for those who don't know. 'Isla' is pronouced like 'eye-la'.

Thanks guys! :)

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