Gotta Be You

I know how they both feel and now all that’s left to do is to find out how I feel.

And right now, my heart is stuck in the middle of a tug-o-war. Niall pulling hard on one side and Harry pulling just as hard on the other.


18. An Amazing Night That Hurts To Remember

Niall’s POV


It’s been a day since I saw her and it gave me time to think about everything. I realized that I shouldn't waste my time and energy being angry with everyone and myself. I can’t change anything about the past. I should just focus on helping Isla. All I want is for her to be better. It scares me every second that she could go back into a coma and never wake up again.

I was able to sympathize with Harry and his situation. I know that I would feel the same way if I were in his position. It must be hard for him to be put into a situation where you have to basically lie to someone and feeling really guilty about it. I shouldn’t be angry with him anymore. I tried to hide it because I was worried that Harry would feel even guiltier about it and I was worried that Isla would find out.

It’s only a month; time will fly quickly. I’ll act like how me and Isla were before we went out: best friends. I can handle that. I mean, it’ll basically be the same; I’ll get to be around her but I won’t be able to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her but it’s okay.

Thinking about all that we have to do to keep Isla healthy made me think about the consequences that this will have when we have to tell her the truth in a month. She’ll be pissed. She’ll feel humiliated. She’s being lied to about whom she’s actually with and everyone that she cares about is in on it.

Isla is NOT someone you want to piss off. I remember our first and only big fight when we were going out. It wasn’t pretty but we got through it.




“Babe, you’ve been studying all day, take a break. Go to sleep, it’s late,” I whined to Isla. I was on the bed as it was 12 at night. Isla was sitting at the study table studying like a maniac since 5 in the morning.

“I can’t, my exam’s tomorrow and I need…” Isla started to say without taking her eyes off of her book. I waited for her to finish her sentence but she didn’t.

“See, you can’t even finish your sentence, I feel like you don’t even know I’m even here right now,” I said sadly.

Once I said that Isla spun her chair around and looked at me with an apologetic look on her face.

“Babe, you know that’s not true,” she said, “I’m just a little stressed out right now and I’m really worried about this exam.”

“You’ll do fine,” I said, “you’ve been studying like a crazy person for a week now. You can do that exam in your sleep.”

She laughed. “I wish I could,” she said. Surprisingly, she got up from her chair and climbed into the bed, crawling up to where I was.

“I guess I can sleep for a bit,” she said, “I’ll just set my alarm up for 5 again so I can study a bit more before the test.” She grabbed her phone and set up the alarm. In my mind, I was shaking my head. She didn’t need to study anymore; she knew everything.

“Good night, Ni,” she said, as she cuddled up in my arms. She leaned her head up and gave me a quick kiss.

“Night, love,” I responded. It’s been over a week since we’ve been like this. She’s studying all the time and when she’s not, she’s too tired to do anything else. I was happy.

Within seconds, I could hear quiet snores coming from Isla. She needed sleep. She needed more than 5 hours of sleep that she was planning on having. So I decided to take her phone and change her alarm to 10 am since her exam wasn’t until 12 in the afternoon. She didn’t need to study anymore. And she’ll have plenty of time to get ready for school.

And after I set her alarm, I put it back to its place and pulled Isla closer to me and closed my eyes. And soon enough, I drifted off to sleep.


“WHAT THE HELL?!” was the first thing I heard in the morning. I was trying to adjust to the light as I felt Isla jump off of the bed.

“What’s wrong?” I said groggily. I was able to see Isla through my squinted eyes.

“My alarm! It was set at 10 but it was supposed to be 5!” she said frantically. She was looking around the room for clean clothes. And that was when I remembered what I did. Shit, I didn’t think she would react this way.

“Um…yeah, I changed your alarm to 10,” I said nervously. She paused where she was and looked at me.

“You what?” she asked, disbelief all over her face.

“I thought you needed more sleep, so I gave you more time,” I explained.

“But I told you that I need to study!” she said, her eyes widening.

“Isla, you don’t need to study anymore,” I said, “like I said, you already know everything.”

She scoffed and shook her head and started to change.

“How dare you?” she said. Her attitude shocked me. She was never like this.

“What?” I asked, shocked.

“How could you do that? What makes you think that you can do things like that without telling me? We may be together but you don’t make decisions for me,” she said.

Her words were starting to hurt me. I didn’t think that it would lead to this.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I was just looking out for you.”

“Well, don’t!” she interjected. Her words tore into my heart.

“I can look out for myself. I’m sorry that I’m not rich like you. I actually have to work hard in college so I can get a job so I can make money. I can’t just go all around the world singing, and doing interviews and photo shoots and going to parties and have money just fall into my hands like you. You have no idea what it’s like to actually work for a living.”

I was speechless. Her words were like knives, cutting deeper into me. I was still guilty about what I did but the things that she said also hurt me.

I didn’t know what to say. I just watched her grabbed her things and head for the door.

“Don’t wait up for me,” she spat. She opened the door and slammed it shut. I stayed on the bed, still shocked about everything that just happened. Did she mean what she said? Has she felt that way since the beginning? I don’t know.

I know that I shouldn’t have done what I did but I really was just looking out for her. She was extremely tired and she needed sleep or she wouldn’t have been able to focus while she was doing her exam. I wish she knew that.

I was upset and I needed to talk to someone. I called Zayn but he wasn’t picking up; he was most likely still sleeping. So I called the next person that came to mind. Liam. I called him and he answered on the second ring.

“Hey, Niall, what’s up?” he said through the phone.

I took a deep breath and said, “Me and Isla had a fight.”

I heard him sigh. “I’m with Lou right now, we’ll be over with some Nando’s in 15 minutes.”

“Alright, thanks,” I said sadly.

“See ya,” he said before hanging up. I put down my phone and got up to change and freshen up.

15 minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I walked over and opened it and saw Liam and Louis, both holding Nando’s takeout bags.

“Hey, come in,” I said, leaving the door open and walking over to the couch and sitting down.

They came in and sat down on both sides of me.

“What happened?” Liam asked.

I took a deep breath.

“Well, Isla’s been studying non-stop for the whole week and last night I convinced her to take a break and get some sleep. When she fell asleep I changed her alarm from 5am to 10am cause I thought that she needed more sleep. When she woke up, she was pissed when I told her what I did and…she said some hurtful things to me,” I explained.

“What did she say?” Lou asked.

“She said that she needed to study cause she needs to do well in college so she can get a job to make money and that I don’t know what it’s like to work hard for a living. She said that money doesn’t just fall into her hands like it does to me when we go around singing and doing photoshoots and things like that,” I said.

“Wow, mate,” Liam said, “that was harsh but…I don’t think she meant that. She’s not the type of person to say things like that.”

“I know,” I replied, “I thought that she was just overwhelmed and stressed about everything. I’m sure that she didn’t mean it but it still hurt me to hear those words come out of her mouth. She said that she doesn't want me to look after her and that even though we’re together, that I can’t make decisions like that for her and not tell her.”

“She loves you, Niall,” Louis said, “I agree with you. I think that she was just stressed about everything.”

“So what should I do?” I asked.

“Well, first, you should apologize for doing what you did without telling her but also explain to her why you did it, she’ll understand later once she’s had time to cool off and think. I’m sure that she’ll realize the things she said and feel bad for saying it to you,” Liam said, “then you should tell her that what she said upset you but that you’re not mad at her about it cause you know that she was stressed about college.”

“And get her flowers and a stuffed bear,” Louis said, “girls love getting those things. I don’t know why though.” I laughed, feeling better already.

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” I said, “and maybe make supper or…buy supper. Making supper probably won’t make things better.” Liam and Louis laughed at me.

“Thank you, guys,” I said, looking between Liam and Louis, “I appreciate it.”

“Aww, anytime, Ni-Ni,” Lou said and then he smothered me with a huge hug. Then I felt Liam doing the same thing and I wrapped my arms around them and patted their backs.

“Okay, that’s good, guys,” I said, my voice muffled under Louis’ shoulder. They wouldn’t move though.

“Guys, get off,” I said. They still wouldn’t get off of me so I thought about a way to make them. I held my breath and used all of the power I had and farted.

“Oh, for god’s sake, Niall!” Louis exclaimed as him and Liam jumped off of me.

“You were suffocating me,” I explained, laughing.

“Well, now we’re suffocating,” Liam said, waving his hand in front of his face, trying to fan the smell away from him.

“That’s what you get,” I said, grabbing the Nando’s takeout bags from the table. “Now let’s eat before I have to get everything ready for when Isla comes home.”

We all walked into the kitchen and started eating. We just talked about random things and then we decided to prank call Zayn. Once we were done, we cleaned up and Liam and Louis left.

Now I had to go out and get food, flowers and a stuffed bear before Isla comes home.

I bought some more Nando’s, bought a bouquet of lilies, her favourite, and a white fluffy stuffed bear. By the time I got home it was 3pm. I texted El and asked her if she could find out when Isla would be heading home. She replied and said that Isla had just finished her exam and was heading home right now. That means I only had about 20 minutes to get supper ready.

I put the food on two plates and placed them on the dining room table and lit some candles. I grabbed the flowers and stuffed bear just as I heard Isla unlocking the door.

I quickly walked towards the door and saw her when she opened the door. I was about to apologize and give her my whole speech that I had planned to say to her explaining everything but I was beaten to it.

“I’m sorry, Niall,” she quickly said the second she saw me.

My mouth hung open and I just stared at her.

“I’m so sorry,” she said again but this time, tears built up in her eyes and started flowing down.

“Babe, don’t cry,” I said, putting down the flowers and bear and walking up to her. I put my arms around her and snuggled my face into her neck.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean it, I was just stressed, please forgive me,” she said, her breath catching in every few words.

“Shh, shh, I know, don’t worry about it, I know you didn’t mean it,” I said, “I’m sorry for what I did.”

“Don’t apologize for that, I know that you we’re just worried about me. I’m actually glad you did because I was actually able to focus on the test. And you were right, I studied enough, I realized that after I saw that I was the first one done,” she said pulling her head away and resting her forehead on mine. “So, thank you.”

I smiled and then I leaned closer and kissed her.

“I love you, Isla,” I whispered.

“I love you more,” she replied.

“I love you more than Nando’s,” I retorted, smiling.

“Do you?” she said, leaning back and looking at me. I nodded and gave her another quick kiss.

“I got these for you,” I said, grabbing the flowers and stuffed bear and handing it to her.

“Aww, thanks, Niall,” she said, smelling the lilies, “I love it.”

“And I also got supper ready,” I said, gesturing at the dinner table.

“Oh, wow, you went all out, didn’t you?” she said, her smile growing.

“Everything for my princess,” I said, pulling her chair back and letting her take a seat. Then I walked over to my spot beside her and sat down.

We dug in and ate, talking about her exam and how it went. We soon finished and I was about to pick up the plates to put it in the sink when Isla stopped me and wrapped her arms around my neck, facing her body towards me.

She just stared at me until she leaned forward and kissed me. Going slow at first but then it gradually got more intense and passionate as she started running one of her hands through my hair and the other one all over my chest. I put my hands on her waist and pulled her towards me. She got up and then sat on my lap, one leg on either side of me. I ran my hands all over her back and waist as we continued to make out; our lips moving against each other’s in a perfect rhythm and our tongues fighting for dominance.

I stopped the kiss to catch my breath. We were both breathing heavily and quickly.

“Wanna continue this somewhere more comfortable?” I asked. She nodded her head as her forehead was resting on mine.

I cupped my hands under her butt and stood up, lifting her up with me as she wrapped her legs around my waist. I carried her into the bedroom and carefully fell on the bed with her still holding onto me. We moved up to the head of the bed and she pulled my head down and started kissing me again. I laid down on top of her and put one of my hands on her neck and other one on her leg.

She put her hands on my back and started pulling up my shirt. I lifted my upper body up so she would be able to get it off easily. She pulled it off and threw it on the floor beside us. I decided to do the same thing so I slowly ran one of my hands down from her neck to her chest, to her stomach and then to the bottom of her shirt. I put my hand underneath her shirt and started roaming her body.

And then I reached up and--


~End of flashback~


No, stop thinking about that! I thought to myself, shaking the memory out of my mind. This will only make it worse. My thoughts had wandered into a memory I didn’t want to think about right now.

That night was amazing and one that I will never forget. And here I am trying to not think about it while also hoping that I will get to experience that again with Isla, the love of my life.




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